I am so upset

bethmartinez
on 4/30/05 2:20 pm - Austell, GA
Me and my husband of eight years went through so much the beginning of our marriage drinking was a big problem. But I managed to stick it out . He has been sober since 2000. Today of all days he decides to go and get drunk at a birthday party straight from work. No phone call or nothing I thought the worst. Why would someone you love so much do this to there family? The main reason I am really mad is he knows I lost my father to him driving drunk crashed into a tree and sled 500 feet down a hill on the way hittng more trees there was a friend and his child in the car who died also .I don't remember that much Iwas only three when he died. But i grew up without a father my mom tells me the story of the police coming to the house to tell her. I just don't want the same thing to happen to our sons and I get that visit. He has just broken my heart I don't know how to get through this. I am a christain and prayed so many times . But when a person cares so little for the life of himself and his children and me .And even other while he was driving drunk how can I stay with this man ......help me understand.... ....Beth Ann
Karin B.
on 5/5/05 10:20 am - San Antonio, TX
Beth Ann, I don't have an answer for you. My husband is also an alcoholic. I have been pushing since the week after my surgery for him to quit. I forced him into rehab that week. He half a**ed tried. Then he went on a binger. I said stop or get out. He half a**ed tried again. He goes to AA meetings. He never makes it past 1 month sober. Tonight actually, he asked me if I would get mad if he had one. I said yes, one leads to two and then more and you don't quit. He said no this will be different. Well anyway. Two later he decides he needs to blow this joint. I lost it. Screaming and crying. I told him to get out and not come back. But he always does. I also sit and wait for a cop to show at the door and tell me he is dead. Sometimes I actually wi**** would happen so I could move on with my life. WHY don't I you ask? I love him more than anyone else on this earth. As you well know. When its good its great but they have this one problem. If it was just me I would leave in a heartbeat. I have two kids and I live in Texas. For me to leave and move on I would need to move back to Michigan and I don't have $5 thousand for that right now. Best of luck. If you would like to chat, contact me. Karin
rosario
on 5/18/05 2:04 am - Jersey city, NJ
Well Beth, I too am married to an addict. It's a very painful place to be. My husband doesnt drink he's addicted to his anti-depressant and his blood pressure meds. when taken out of context, they give you this loopy feeling and he'll sleep for hours on end. Its a very sad place to be. I dont want to keep talkin or I'll cry. But please feel free to email me. I could use some support right now.
Sun S.
on 5/18/05 12:15 pm - Frederick, MD
prayer is a very strong tool. Please don't ever stop doing that. Now as for your husband, something is definately wrong. How old are your children? I'm one of those no tolerence wives and his stuff would have been out front. you need to set guides lines and stick by them -- for your children because they see and know everything. Anyway, ask him to get help and set up couseling asap. hopefully you can go to church together also. good luck! stay strong!
bigmamanomore
on 7/9/05 5:50 am - Lake Charles, LA
I have been with my husband for 17 yrs and every now and then he just has to show his a**! The last phone call I got from him was yesterday at 6:30 pm telling me he was on his way home. By 8:30 I called the cell phone and all I got was voice mail, he just falls off the face of the earth, no contact nothing! I wish I had an answer for you...I don't see how anyone could do this to the ones they love! He is still sleeping, I don't even know what time he got home I took some nyquil and went to bed! I would love to do what Willie Nelson's ex-wife did to him. She wrapped his drunk a** in the bed sheets and beat the sh** out of him with a baseball bat!!! I am going shopping this afternoon as soon as the rain stops. My clothes are all too big and the best place to hurt him is in the pocketbook LOL...at least I get something out of it huh? My heart used to get broken now I just get pi**ed off. BTW I hit the 100's today..wish he could have been awake to share in the joy... Oh well! Denise 283/199/140
donaramirez
on 7/31/05 3:52 pm - Las Cruces, NM
Beth... There are no great answers when it comes to someone who is an addict. Its just that. They will always have the challenge of staying sober or whatever they need to do to stay free of their addictions. He has to want to change. You might want to consider an AL-NON meeting for yourself. You can learn the tools family members learn about letting go and not enabling. Its up to him... and despite children, you or even GOD... he has free will and choice in life. Its unfortunate some addictions really impact a family in negative ways much sooner than others... where they creep up on you like a food addiction...and boom your heavy. Both are equally destructive. I wish you the best, but you must remember you can scream, lead him to the water... but he doesnt have to drink from it. But you DO have a choice whether or not you are willing to stay or leave the relationship. Its a dance. I will say a prayer for you and your family. Good luck. Dorise
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