85 lb wl and hubby is not complimenting

anyone else encountering this? I tried once explaining to him and asking him to compliment me once in a while, but nothing. Hell, I can't even remember the last time he said i love you, but that was pre-op too. I'm starting to wonder if there is anything as true lasting "being in love" feelings or am i just resigned to living in a emotionless comfortable marraige.

I understand completely. My hubby has been the same since surgery. He used to be very affectionate. Now I have to literaly beg for him to just hold me. I thought we had a really great marriage before surgery, but I'm starting to doubt that. Ive lost 90 pounds and am looking pretty good now, and other men are noticing me. But my husband?? He avoids me like the plague in the bedroom(or anywhere else lately). I just dont get it. Of course I cant say anything to him about it now. He bought a new vehicle for me so if I say anything about how hes treating me I get a guilt trip. I almost wish I was still 260lbs so that he would just notice me and tell me he loves me like he used to. I know a lot of people face things like this, but I thought he would pay too much attention and get overprotective, not push me away. I hope things will work out for you, Krystle

I know what you are going threw. My husband started to act this way not long after my op (2 or 3 months) and it got really bad then he cheated on me... well i jest about ended it but he agreed to go to counsling and things have totaly turned around. It came from him feeling very insecure and giving up on us because he was so sure that I was going to leave him once I bettered myself and looked wonderful even tho i daily told him i loved him and showed him his head issues got the best of him and he almost lost me and wrecked our little family. It has been a long hard road and we still have to work on things however now with him going to thrapy alot we are going to make it.

I know how your feeling...heck my hubby hasn't told me he loves me in A LONG time...we're talking like over 6 months....and of course now he's telling me he wants a divorce...not because of me being overweight or because I had surgery but because he thinks we have nothing in common and we never go out and do anything and we never talk about anything...we married young, 19, so I think that has a big part to do with it...I still tell him I love him because I do and it breaks my heart knowing he wants a divorce, especially because we have a 2 yr old and I don't want him growing up without a father like hubby and I did..he says it isn't going to happen but I know it is because hubby is in the Navy..so when is he going to have time to come see my son? Never. Sorry...lol kinda got off the subject there. I do think husbands do that because they have a lot of insecurities. Elizabeth

Elizabeth I'm so sorry that your going thru this. Please e-mail me if you need me just to talk,God Bless and keep your head up. Rosie

Casy, My husband hasnt said anything either. He left in Sept, to New Orleans and when he came back after a month said that I was losing weight. I thought maybe because he sees me everyday,but at church all the ladies and a few men have said that they could tell.I see them every other day. One time I was talking to a friend of ours(male) and he had ask me if i was losing weight,infront of my husband and I could tell that my husband felt uncomfortable about the question and got kinda jelous Anyways I had a dream one time that we were living with this other girl and he fell in love with her and I was still living with them and she comes out of the shower and his eyes lite up when he saw her and followed her to the room,I told him about this dream and he laughed and said in a babyish voice that he will never hurt me like that. Yesterday I got out of the shower and forgot my towel and came out of the shower without one and saw him sitting on the couch and he had no reaction of me being naked. I guess I wouldnt either if i saw myself.Anyways I went into the bathroom and started to cry!Why cant I be sexy for my husband Lord! Oh well, I dont know what their trip is. When I see my husband looking nice and or has lost weight I always lift him up. I have told him this too but he still acts the same. Why men why do you do this!!! Rosie

Casy, I too am going through this. However, mine wasn't exactly demonstrative pre-op. I guess one thing I have learned, after a friend pounding it into my head, is that you can only be responsible for yourself. You took a major step in having the surgery and going through all the stuggles post-op that it entails. I am down 70 pounds and if a compliment passes my husband's lips, it's almost like a "does not compute" goes off. You have to compliment yourself. Do nice things for yourself. Cause if you are like me, the period of time waiting in between those compliments is too far and few. The answer to the second part of your statement will come. I do believe in "being in love" feelings, but life is different after the surgery, we're different. You have the power to decide whether or not to find those feelings again or if an emotionless comfortable marriage is not what you want. Focus on yourself.

Oh boy! This subject really hits home for me and I'm 20 months post-op and down 170 lbs. My hubby has yet to compliment me. He has never told me but he tells others that he wished I had never had the surgery. He is a couch potato when not working and doesn't like to be around people...me...well I love going out and doing things and meeting and making new friends. I'm working thru things in my head and trying to get ready to file for divorce...but the little fat voice (that still lives in my head) tries to tell me to stay because I'm financially stable. I keep telling myself that there is more to life than money...I've really got to convince myself! Terri

Hi guys I just had my surgery on monday and see some changes in my husband already. Besides the fact that he is being exstremly mean and insensitive to me. ON the day of my release from the hospital he told me he was tired and that I needed to find myself a ride back home. Right now I am up and feeling very depressed. I have not told anybody although I know people have noticed how he treats me and I am so embarresed. The lady who is my angle has made several comments on his behavoir. I know that she is right but I just try to ignore it because it hurts too much to face what is really going on and the fact that it is acually worse than she sees. I cant take this. He says he fell in love with the big me and is not interested in a skinny wife. I know that it is insecurity on his part but I cant take this. Plus, if I am honest with myself, I have been being abused before I got my surgery but I am scared. This is my second marriage and I just dont wont to fail at it again. A time that is supposed to be so happy has opened my eyes wider to a very sad future with this man. I need to make some decisions, but I dont know where to start.