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Anyone out there have anger issues after surgery..??

(deactivated member)
on 1/3/10 10:47 pm - Kirkwood, NY
 Ok..I have always had anger issues since I was little..most of it was because I was overweight and ppl would tease me..now that is so not the issue. However, I have had a bad past with an ex husband..I was mentally, physically, and verbally abused for 4 years by this man..Locked up in my house and could not work or go anywhere or I would get beat up til i could not move. 

Now...4 years later..I am married again..to a wonderful man for the last 2 years and we have been 2gether for 3. I have a huge anger problem since I have left my exhubby. The best part is no matter how I get towards my hubby..he still loves me and just accepts me for me. I am not a fan of therapist or shrinks or whatever..I did see one before I had my surgery. I am seriously thinking of going to see one..but however..I have a hard time trusting ANYONE...I have a huge trust issue now since my exhubby abused me. He was always lyin to me...now I have this anger issue and I cannot help it but lots of time I get mad at hubby for doing something that is pointless to get mad over.  I have found myself doing things I wish not to do..because all I want to do is eat and now..eating is something I force myself to do. Now..all I want to do is drink that whine and it makes me feel better. I am also a smoker..I quit for awhile..and well I started up again a few months after surgery...my thing is..you take my food away and I cannot eat anymore what am I going to do? I smoke and drink now...uugghh. I know it is not a good thing to do but if I do not have either one..a drink or smoke..im flippin out on someone..im throwing stuff around my house..im cussing my husband out to go get me something and make it quick..im hurting myself and others around me to get what I want... Has anyone ever had this issue after surgery? I mean I get right down nasty and punch my glass stuff on the walls and cut myself open..then im throwing plates classes and breaking everything in my house......anger is getting the best of me right now..

natalie1975
on 1/4/10 7:57 am - Yardley, PA
i'm going though some of the same issues...don't feel like spilling htem over the internet. of u feel like it, call my cal 2679872107
(deactivated member)
on 1/4/10 9:28 am - Kirkwood, NY
 OK thanks for the number I will call you sometime..right now..phone is turned off. Christmas hurt the pocket.
Kathy
on 1/4/10 12:00 pm - Hamilton, NJ
I am so sorry you are going through this.  I had some anger issues after surgery.  Like you, I was in a horribly abusive marriage for 12 years.  Just about every bone in my body was broken at some point.  Marriage ended when I got the courage to say I was leaving, hubby took aim and fired at me, missed, shot his dog then himself.  I got angrier and angrier after finding out how much debt we were in and that he was running around on me.  Went to many counseling sessions.  Still have nightmares and sometimes something will trigger a memory.  I have remarried, hubby is a saint.  I have my anger under control.  I take depression meds and bipolar meds - it really helps me.  You really need to talk to someone.  Put down the drink.  I will not scold you on smoking as I was quit for many years and picked up over the summer.  Looking forward to putting it down soon.
You will be in my thoughts.
Kathy
Patricia R.
on 1/4/10 9:02 pm - Perry, MI
You described me throughout most of my adult life, prior to my surgery.  I threw things, cut, raged, flipped out, ate, drank, cut some more, hit, threw temper tantrums galore.  Only with the help of a therapist and psychiatric meds did I get some stability, which I can throw away in a new York minute by drinking again.

Trust is a huge issue for me.  I have seen the same therapist for almost 20 years.  Took me 14 years to trust him enough that I would cry in front of him.  I still believe he will abandon me, and drop me as his patient if I don't get better, or start drinking.  I have even lashed out at him, in a drunken rage, on his voicemail.

My diagnoses include binge eating disorder, alcoholism, borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder.  What has helped me, medication, intensive psychotherapy, active participation in outpatient treatment for both the eating disorder, (pre-op) and alcoholsim (for the past year), as well as regular attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

If you truly want to get better, you will have to do things differently than you do them now.  It will mean not always getting things you want when you want them.  I might mean giving up addictions, like alcohol and nicotine.  It will also mean taking the risk of participating in psychotherapy again.  I speak from personal experience.  

Because of my outrageous behavior, I lost my marriage, and hurt my children terribly.  Thank God they have forgiven me, and care about me now.  But, in my outrageous acting out, I got myself into over $60,000 of credit card debt, which I am now in bankruptcy for.  I also participated in sexual acting out for several years after my divorce.  

I am not proud of any of that.  It has brought me deep shame, especially because I am now a psychotherapist myself at a psychiatric hospital.  I was able to go to graduate school and earn a Masters in Social Work.  I hear my therapist constantly saying, "Physician, Heal Thyself."  I can lose my social work license if I keep drinking, not to mention the risks I take of possibly driving under the influence
.

I am concerned for you, because I vaguely remember you posting on the PA Forum, and not being happy with some of the responses you received.  I hope you are able to take honest feedback, as that is what I am about.  I speak from my own pain, and experience.  I learned some tough lessons, and after my husband walked out, I had to take an honest look at my behavior and realize that I was nothing more than a spoiled child, and at the age of 44, that is humiliating.  When my own children behaved more maturely, and more rationally than me, I knew I had to grow up and take responsibility for myself.

Good luck,
Trish

 
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
96179

(deactivated member)
on 1/4/10 10:25 pm - Kirkwood, NY
 Thanks for the reply.