I am sorry for your loss. There was a time not too long ago that I lost both parents and a sister. Time does heal but it does take time. You have acknowledged many things about yourself and why you have gone off track. It is good that you know this. Now, you need to focus on getting healing for your loss and start on the road to recovery. Talking a grief counselor is one way to go. Many times we think we can surgically remove the hurts, disappointments, bad happenings and we can't. This is an emotional thing that takes place in the head. This is where the focus should be. Once you come to terms with all of it, then work on getting back on track. You could get a pouch the size of a pea but it won't take away the emotional turmoil you are going through.
I guess what I am saying is to start with working through the trauma, gain some peace. Then, when you feel you are ready, talk to a nutritionist or if you know good nutrition already, try Weigh****chers. It is a normal eating program that helps you choose what to eat in a healthy way. FInd an activity you enjoy and start "moving". I enjoy Curves. It's safe, fun and fast. But you may find something else. Most importantly, get into a good support group and go to it. People helping people is very powerful.
There is nothing wrong with going through a detox program. I need to do that myself. I feel all clogged up. There are many good cleansing aids at GNC or other health food stores. I'm preaching to myself here too!
I know I didn't have the magic cure but with us, it is always a work in process. Life is hard enough with or without weight loss surgery. I hope I helped.