I am curious what your opinion is on posting how much weight a person loses.  I had a conversation with my mother in law today about telling people exact figures. I lost 7 pounds prior to Optifast which was due to a medication change from March 1st to May 23rd (start of Optifast) and at the beginning, I was explaining to friends and family that 7 lbs was from my change in thyroid medication, 10 pounds from Optifast and the rest after surgery.  It got to the point i was repeating myself all the time so I started just saying to friends and family a total loss of weight.  She feels that Im decieving people (especially people who are thinking of having it) and not telling them the true weightloss I encountered from "my weightloss journey" as I call it. To me its just easier to say the total loss but i have no problem going into detail.

I have been encountering a few problems since my surgery with my mother in law to begin with.  She says she will support me anyway she can but on occasion i feel that some of the things she says, its just not called for.  A couple of examples... We are at a restaurant and I told her that I wasn't going to come because of certain cravings i was having for eggs (I wasn't quite at the stage to eat eggs yet) and she quickly piped up and said, "see how is this going to work if you have cravings".  I personally think thats normal, its more about using your mind to say no to things.  Another incident was when we were shopping and I was telling her that apparently at this stage i should be eating more but that particular day, i could only eat half a scrambled egg (which now i can eat eggs). She quickly said to me, "  well this is what you wanted" and kind of in a not so nice tone of voice.

Don't get me wrong, we get along great but I sometimes feel either there is resentment, jealousy or something else that bothers her regarding my surgery.  This last issue about including my total weightloss is just another issue.  She only knows someone through a friend who was not successful and gained all their weight back.  She has never met anyone who has been successful.

So after all my writing, is it wrong to include the extra 7 pounds i lost prior to Optifast even though the people closest to me and who are supporting me are aware of it all?

You lost it, you own it!  Doesn't matter HOW....just that you DID! 

well said

I agree with Karen... What was your heaviest...what is your lowest...what is the total number... You lost XXXX amount of weight. Your MIL is being picky this is YOUR journey not hers.

You say what you want to say... start telling people you lost x amount of weight by way of sexercise and eating worms... that should get her in a tizzy.

Hi Melodie,
First of all, I don't think that your mother in law is very supportive and it seems that you really want to please her. There are some people that can never be pleased...... especially mothers-in-law! I've had 2!
It really is no one else's business how much weight you've lost or how you lost it. The more you say to others the more "opinions" and "constructive" feedback you will get from them.
Your journey is just that, yours. I would just be sharing less and less with her and others. Let them just guess and talk about how wonderful you look.
By the way, from your photo I would say that you look lovely and as was previously said, it's yours, you own it! Period. The only person you need to please is Melodie.
Just my opinion.
Carol

Hi Melodie,

I couldn't agree more with Carol. Keep up the good work and stay strong.

Joanne

Yep the above answer is right.  So what if you blended that in, it is part of the surgery anyway...or to keep her a little bit quite when you tell someone how much weight you lost just say "In total from the start of my journey to now including Optifast is XXX." (XXX being the amount). I am just finishing Optifast and when I tell someone my total weightloss it will also include optifast and anything else that may come my way. I will say from my highest weight to the present.  Some people actually think that WLS is the easy way out which it is NOT.  And your right everyone will still get cravings even for food that they can not eat, the difference is if you eat something you shouldn't you will pay for it... I know someone that had WLS and she ate ONE french fri...well she will never do that again.  You probably know the pain she went through, that is not an easy way out at all.... 

The next answer is also right just worry about making  yourself happy,  you don't even have to share info with her at all...

 I think if she is going to throw things back at you, that I'd be very selective about what I'd share with her in the future.   sounds like she is expecting complications and failure. It sounds like she has negative views of wls.  

Dawn

 What Karen said, she's a wise wise woman!  Mother in laws were put on earth to test our faith and patience imo!  Regards, Ian  

At the beginning I used to subtract (lost 30 lbs before Opti). Now I just give the total 120 lbs! Heck I worked hard for it. If it is someone who wants to go through the process I will go into more details if needed.

I don't know if you belong to a support group but  if you do have you thought of bring her to a meeting? It may help her to see others in various stages of pre and post op.

Include your 7 lbs!

I agree with Karen YOU LOST IT YOU OWN IT. Besides. usually how the converstaion goes is someone asks 'How much have you lost?' and I reply 130 lbs. I have lost it and I am proud!
You are not lying to them . You are not intentioally decieving them. It is the answer. Besides how much detail do they need? If someone asks you your age you say 36 You do not normally answer 36 years 4 months and 13 days. Although that is also a true answer. Just more detail than they need. I do occasionlly if the person does really want to talk and get into knowing more about the surgery I explain in more detail.
Don't let the MIL get to you, I have the same issue - she lives next door to me. You have to just let it roll off your back it has taken me 15 years to learn that......oh wait 15 years, 4 months & 20 days.

Not that you're counting.

Oh brother, like 7 pounds is anything at all!
 
No it's not "wrong". I don't think you could call it "deception" -kinda strong.
She sounds horrible.  
Not supportive AT ALL!!!  I wouldn't tell her much if anything. or perhaps when she makes those comments you could say "that's not very supportive".

You know, you have so much to work on and you need to focus on YOU. She is not helping.

I hope you lose a ton of weight and keep it off and have all of your dreams come true while she watches.

Let me ask you -- would you have taken Optifast were you not on your "weightloss journey"?
I thought not ... the seven pounds count. 

The point really is that while she's talking the talk, she's not walking the walk.

Tell her far less about your business -- it's none of hers.

You're doing so well -- congratulations!

mmm

 I am surprised onehotmom didn't have it down to hours and seconds!  LMAO  Ian  

Ahhh... monsters....er.....mother in laws, aren't they wonderful!  I have a step monster in law and isn't happy unless everyone else is miserable!  You lost the weight, period!!!  Own it sister!!!  Way to go!!



Lu

p.s.  my step mil hasn't been told about my surgery!

 Congrats on all your weightloss...........the goal was to lose it so thats all that matters.  I don't think anyone will be able to please their mother-in-laws fully.............I got into an arguemnet with my mother-in-law on my wedding day.  How nice is that?  Well, on the weekend my in-laws came over to see my son and we ended up going for a walk around the neibourhood and they all got hungery.  So my mil said she wanted to go to Dairy Queen..........well that is not somewhere I want to be eating.........1. because I can't and 2. because i want avoid places like that.  Well, my wonderful mil said well, you would waste food if we went to restaurant and I said no not really cause I could take it home.  So she says, in a not so nice tone, well we can't afford it.  As if I was implying I wanted her to buy me dinner.  I said that's fine, I will just get something at home.............and I sat there and watched everyone eat Dairy Queen.  I was not a happy camper that night but i didn't want to have a confrontation with her.  I don't expect people to cater to my needs but at the same time I didn't think this was being very supportive to my needs as well.  

Keep up the good work and know if you don't have support from others around you will always have it here.  

Well, Amanda. If I didn't know better, I would think your MIL is trying to sabotage you! Perhaps she feel threatened by the new you!
Carol

 It  Is your weight loss, keep your head up. 

 Thank you for all the replies.  I read each of them and just so many to individually reply to.  I am very proud of my weightloss as is my friends and family.  I consider my weightloss journey to have started the moment I found out I was accepted to getting the surgery done.  I agree with many of you who said she isn't very supportive with those comments.  I did raise my voice to her once (which is not normal at all for me) when she said that WLS is the easy way out.  I stopped her in her tracks and said to never say that to me again.  I have many friends who follow my progress so I am consistently keeping them up to date through blogs and pictures since many live out of town.

I think you are right on maybe trying not to talk about it around her.

I am very glad I have all of you to support me through this and that is why I like this forum.  It is very supportive.

Thank you again.

Melodie (grlnxtdore73)