First Taste of Opti Random Pre op thoughts (LONG)

So to avoid confusion, I was prescribed one week of Opti (yes hate on me haters kidding!) I've decided to put myself on 8 days of Opti since I had enough for an extra day. To be honest, I was shocked when Dr Perreira Hong told me one week, I actually asked her to repeat herself. When I started this journey , 60 lbs ago, my ultrasound showed a fatty liver (and here I thought all my fat went to my belly!) So my immediate though was "OMG they are going to open me up and sew me right back up because my liver is fat" I STILL have this fear to be completely honest. So in my almost two year journey i've read just about every damn post about Opti and thought to myself... it's not gonna be that bad. I'm not gonna be THAT girl. LAWD have mercy! I eat everything, I am not even close to being picky. Those shakes however, have a weird taste of horse poop and now that's in my head... it's all I can think about. I actually gagged my last sip..(its not THAT bad though) im SHOCKED I thought I was a superstar! Well either way i'm loving Opti because it means i'm on the operating room table NEXT WEEK Y'ALL!

*EDIT* They are not so bad once you find your balance, but DEFINITELY use a straw or a cup with a lid, makes a world of difference!*

I guess that's where I should insert the pre op thoughts, this is my first operation ever. My father passed away on the OR table due to a heart condition directly related to his obesity. I am in my early 20s and already on heart pressure meds. I have a crippling fear of IVs/being put to sleep/ ALL of it, because i've never been through it. Funny enough, I still don't believe I will have this surgery until I go to my PATTS tomorrow. I try to be complaisant with my CPAP machine but night after night I rip it off in my sleep without noticing. Once I get that final approval , I think it might all rush to me. Actually no, once I open my eyes and they tell me I did it and my liver wasnt too fat THEN i'll believe it.  I guess i'll make a list of scary thoughts and positive thoughts, maybe they can be relatable to someone.

Scary

- I still find myself thinking "oh maybe ill have a sanwich" then I remember... "Oh you're not gonna be eating solids for about a month.. better get your mind around it NOW! DUH!"

- Even though I've been on this journey for TOO long (holla fellow Guelphites) the thought of being having RNY next week still makes me think "Oh maybe I can wait another month or so"

- I have never in my LIFE been skinny or normal. Maybe when I was 5 years old, but it was all downhill from there. It's gonna be a hoot to relearn what a body is supposed to feel like.

- I have ALOT of time ahead of me, being so young has so many advantages, but when they say for LIFE they mean it!

Positives

- I have met so many amazing people here, who have made me look at myself without shame, I had to face the music of how big I really was and what got me here. But there was no shame, in fact it's the total opposite, it was a release. I let go, I was finally at peace with it, I'm ready to turn that page to a better life.

- My nephew, my mother, my hubby, ME. I want to be there for them, happy, healthy. I have been hiding behind this skin too long, this reclusive , shy anti social person is NOT ME. I've been hiding , and I don't want to do it anymore

- Healthy eating ain't that bad! As previously stated I've lost 60 pounds by myself in this journey and for that I am proud. I'm learning to reconnect with food, not as a comfort, not as a friend, but as FUEL.

Overall, through the fear, the doubt, the Optifast gagging (oh gosh, what is vanilla gonna taste like) I am more calm now then I've ever been. I swear i'm right where I should be.  I want to personally thank everyone who posts here. This is my safe place, and over the last 2 years you've brought me to tears , you've made me laugh too many times (Ian S and Monica i'm talking to you) and most of all you've inspired me. Here's to all of us, we deserve this.

What a great post!  Good luck with your surgery next week!

Thank you so much burg_vs, that means alot!! xx

You've got this!

Wishing you all the best of luck!

Jo

thank you so much Jo, I'm crossing my fingers, toes and eyes that you get your date soon!

Great post! And totally relatable! Unlike you - lucky one - I'm in my last week of 4 and I swear I'm scarred from these shakes. They have to be  the nastiest thing I've ever put in my mouth (lol) but I'm soldiering through with my eye on the prize. Unfortunately I can usually only manage to suck back 2 and on the odd day 3 and I've wondered the same thing re is it still doing what its supposed to do. I wish you all the best next week, I'll see ya on the bench

Oh mz_b you made me spit all over my laptop screen. Scarred is the best word to describe it, I thought about them just now and an actual shiver went down my spine. These next days i'm going to need Joe Rogan to be cheering me on Fear Factor Style. They are not pleasant at all. FOUR WEEKS You GOT this, I feel like after 4 weeks of Opti there is not a DARN thing that can be scarier than that! 

I'll be thinking of you Monday, and yes girl, scoot your butt over on that bench I'm coming!

Oh  you are an inspiration, thank you! I will be thinking of you and send you a hug . You post made me smile. Good Luck hon.

You are too sweet (love your avatar by the way) I will glady accept that hug! thank you for the luck

I like your avatar too Lynn, it is very cute.

Sabby, you made me laugh, I never heard of opti quite described that way, and unlike you I had to be on it for the 2 weeks and by the end it was what I would call a love hate relationship-i hated it and it loved making me gag...yuck..yuck, yuck.

You seem to have a great attitude, and I think you will rock this!  Good luck to you.