Lost Motivation...trying to get it back

Manda32
on 4/14/18 12:50 am

The last month and half or so things have gone downhill for me. I'm not sure why, but I just lost all motivation, drive whatever you want to call it to do anything right eating wise. I don't know if its the winter blahs, being depressed or what. I have been seeing a therapist for awhile for certain issues, and she has stated that she felt I'm depressed, but that was awhile before this bump in the road. I'm sure its a factor, but I don't know, I didn't see this coming.

I was so on a roll, I remember breaking onederland near the end of January, and not long after that, boom no drive, no nothing. I gave up doing the things that have been making me successful at my weight loss. Counting my calories, recording everything, coming onto this fourm etc. I did have spurts of trying to get back on the wagon so to speak, so the last six weeks or so, I've been gaining and losing the same few pounds.

I admit, I still don't feel that incredible drive and desire, but I'm trying to force myself. First time in six weeks or so I've lost a couple pounds from my lowest weight all those weeks ago.

Not long ago, I was so looking forward to my year anniversay which was March 15, and giving an update, but things weren't going great so I didn't want to post.

Sometimes I wonder, on some level do I just want to be done with weight loss?

I keep going back to what my dietitian said at my six month post op appointment. She said that they found people had an easier time maintaining one's weight at a bmi of 30. I scoffed at that, because she said that would have me weighing 194. I thought to myself noway am I stopping at that weight. I realize I might not get to my exact goal number wise, but I'm surely going to be closer than that. I still want to lose more weight, but I've thought what she said a lot through the last bit.

It's hard too because you have people telling you all the time you look good, etc, and then I start thinking well maybe its okay to stop here. Maybe it would be easier maintaining at this weight vs 160. I have all these thoughts pro and con for staying where I am and trying for more weight loss. I have OCD so its ruminates in my head a lot...which sucks!

However, saying all this, on my more reasonable level of thinking, I know I have to try for more weight loss. I haven't had stalls believe or not (not including stalls of my own making), and surprising me even up to now, I am still losing 2lbs a week when I'm on track. In previous weight loss attemps, I found after I got under 220 weight loss got very difficult for me, so I am surprised that it hasn't gotten harder....yet. I know I could be 10 lbs away of weight loss, where I might start struggle to lose a pound a week. I'm expecting that at some point, or even an actual stall that wasn't due to my poor eating.

I am mad at myself for wasting the last 6 weeks of possible weight loss. I know there is nothing I can do about that, but I 'm still mad at myself nonetheless.

Again, I'm not sure it's just one thing that lead to this wall I just bumped into.

Can anyone relate to this?

I know a lot of us struggle at times, with bad food choices, but it was this, plus it felt like one day, I lost all motivation to try anymore. It wasn't like anything unordinary happened in my life to stress me out or anything. I hate feeling this way. I'm forcing myself back into this, and I hope I can continue the success I was having.

Any advice or support would be very much appreciated.

Orientation April 2016 - Final approvals December 2016. Surgical Class January 23, 2017. Met with Dr. Reed February 7, 2017. Opti start date March 1, 2017. Surgery March 15, 2017 (Dr. Foute-Nelong).

HW 348 SW 316 CW 191

GW 160

Harpediem
on 4/14/18 7:37 am

Please start being easier on yourself. You've lost a whole person - in pounds- over the last year and that's a huge achievement. Please give yourself time to take that in. 'Diet fatigue" is real. If it fits for you to maintain till you sort through your emotions, that's also an achievement. Have you thought of ocd meds to get you over the bump. Also, seasonal change is also a real thing that affects emotions and many people just have to hang in till it's warmer.

so you did take a positive step: you posted and asked for help. Not everyone can do that, and it takes support to make it through this journey.

'Keep up the good work, take it easy on yourself, and remember you don't have to go through this alone.

pauline

Manda32
on 4/15/18 9:26 pm

Hi Pauline,

Thanks for the kinds words and support. I have been on anti depressants for severals years for my OCD. They have done me well, but they are no cure, just help manage my symptoms. SAD was suggested to me by my GP in December, as I was having no energy, sleeping tonnes. I started to feel a bit more energy in January, which he said would be the time I might because more light during the day.

However February came and felt like I crashed into a wall.

Thanks for saying I need to be easier on myself lol I need to be! Sometimes the perfectionist in me (and I'm not a perfectionist in all aspects of my life) and this weight loss journey for me, has brought out the side of me, and I get hard on myself. Feel like even though I've been successful, I could be more successful. That's probably not the best attitude to have.

I've even thought of your suggestion, stay where I'm at until I get everything sorted out, and then get back on track when I'm ready.

Of course my mind goes to your wasting your honeymoon period, which is probably over in a sense. Not to say I can't still lose weight, I was told VSGers generally lose up to the two year mark (if need be). I only have about 30 lbs to go...sometimes I wonder is this self sabatoge?

As you can see I still need to work on some stuff in my crazy head of mine lol

Again thank you for your support it means a lot. And yes returning back to the forum, and getting support is a good first step.

Amanda

Orientation April 2016 - Final approvals December 2016. Surgical Class January 23, 2017. Met with Dr. Reed February 7, 2017. Opti start date March 1, 2017. Surgery March 15, 2017 (Dr. Foute-Nelong).

HW 348 SW 316 CW 191

GW 160

Smoka
on 4/14/18 8:56 am
RNY on 09/12/17

Hi Manda,

I don't have any advice, but I want to show my support.

You are very brave to have made the decision to have surgery. To get back your "stride" is just another decision you have to make. I know that if you search for it, you will find it. You are a strong and determined woman. You have shown that to us and to yourself so far.

We are all human. We all fall, but you are brave and you are strong.

We are all here for you.

Barb

Referred May 2016, Orientation July 4, 2016, Pre-Nutrition Class March 31, 2017, Nurse April 10, 2017, Blood work/ECG April 13, 2017, Ultra-sound April 27, 2017, Psychologist May 30, 2017, Colonoscopy and Gastroscopy June 5, 2017, Internist June 13, 2017, Dietician June 14, 2017, 2nd Round of blood work August 2, 2017, Surgeon September 6, 2017, Surgery September 12, 2017 - St. Joe's Hamilton - No Opti

Height 5"4" HW 231 SW222 CW141

PreOp-9 lbs M1-20lbs M2-11lbs M3-13lbs M4-7lbs M5-8lbs M6-7lbs M7-5lbs M8-5lbs M9-2lbs M10-0lbs M11 - 0lbs M12 - 0lbs

Manda32
on 4/15/18 9:28 pm

Thank you Barb for your support and kind words. It means a lot. It's nice to feel not alone too. I'm trying to take this one day at a time.

Thanks again!

Amanda

Orientation April 2016 - Final approvals December 2016. Surgical Class January 23, 2017. Met with Dr. Reed February 7, 2017. Opti start date March 1, 2017. Surgery March 15, 2017 (Dr. Foute-Nelong).

HW 348 SW 316 CW 191

GW 160

crqvingchange
on 4/14/18 10:29 am

Manda what you are experiencing happens often. It may be that you are going through diet fatigue, or you are subconsciously self-sabotaging. The best advice I can give you is to get back to basics and start logging your food and exercise on MFP. Make weekly goals like - I will exercise 3 times this week, I will eat on plan for 5 days in a row.

Join the What Are You Eating/Doing thread. It's great support and a way to be accountable to yourself. Most vets will tell you to lose a little more than goal because a slight regain is inevitable. Maintenance is a ***** and it doesn't get easier once you reach goal, so the behaviours that you are experiencing now are a warning sign. You've come so far and done so well that you don't want to go backwards.

Sending you hugs, and a gentle kick in the butt to get back on track.

CENTURY CLUB MEMBER at 6 months post-op.

Referral to Guelph Feb/13, Sleep study and all bloodwork and ultrasound May/13, orientation July/13. Nurse, NUT,SW Sept/13, 2nd NUT, nurse and SW, 3rd round and cleared for surgery Dec/13. Pre-op Apr 7/14, Surgeon May 2/14, Opti Jul 3/14, surgery Jul 17/14.

Manda32
on 4/15/18 9:53 pm

Thanks CC!

I have wondered about both diet fatigue and self sabatoge.

I think part of it is diet fatigue. The recording, the weighing, the measuring, the not having a lot of foods that I would like to have because they are high calories. And I'm not necessarily meaning total junk food either. I can definitely eat more than I could six months ago, and even wanting just to eat more of something even something healthy I can't, if I want to lose weight. When I'm on track I stay to a 800-900 calorie range. I usually eat four times a day, and keep meals around the 200 calorie mark give or take.

The self sabatoge is something I wonder about too? I do want to lose more weight, I do! However I wonder on some level am I sabatoging myself? Or am I just having a hard time with other things. So hard to know...

On some level I wondered if I'd even get into onederland. Even after surgery, I had my goals, I didn't know what to expect the first year. I knew I'd lose weight and was determined and motivated about that. Just I did have doubts how far I'd get down too. I've read and seen many posts of people that do get down to their goal weight, but I've seen lots that lose a lot but don't get down their goal weight.

It seemed once I broke into onederland, I was kinda underwhelmed by it. And although I wasn't immediately unmotivated, it slowed from there.

I wonder when you've been obese practically your whole life if on some level you can't or its hard to accept not being it anymore. Does that make sense? I'm not at a healthy weight...yet...but definitely at the healthiest weight of my adult life, and I still have a hard time believing it.

Sorry didn't mean to write a novel, but thanks for your advice and support.

I'm taking it day by day.

Orientation April 2016 - Final approvals December 2016. Surgical Class January 23, 2017. Met with Dr. Reed February 7, 2017. Opti start date March 1, 2017. Surgery March 15, 2017 (Dr. Foute-Nelong).

HW 348 SW 316 CW 191

GW 160

MichelleS61
on 4/14/18 11:08 am - Lindsay, Canada
RNY on 02/26/18

Did you get your 1 year lab work done? There are some vitamin/mineral levels that when low can also affect your mood/motivation, plus winter sucks. My spouse suffer from SAD and he was doing really good this year till March hit and it's been a pretty bad late winter spring.

At least you're maintaining even if up and down, you can get back on track.

57 - 6'0" - HW:288 SW:260 CW:197

TWH: Referral Aug. '16, Orientation - Nov. 30 '16, Surgeon Oct. 6 '17, Start Optifast Feb. 5'18 - Surgery Feb. 26'18

Opti -25; M1 -23; M2 -17; M3 -7; M4 -5; M5 -5; M6 -6; M7 -?

Manda32
on 4/15/18 9:58 pm

No, I haven't had my labs done yet. My appointment is end of May which is 14 months post op. I did have lab work in December by my GP to make sure I wasn't deficient in anything. Everything came back good.

My GP suggested SAD too. My Mom said when I was a kid I experienced it. So, I'm sure that's a factor too. '

Yes, winter does suck, and being stuck inside all weekend due to this ice storm doesn't help either lol

I am hoping once the sunshine and warmer weather return at least my energy will return, and hopefully more motivation.

Thanks for the suggestions and kind words.

Orientation April 2016 - Final approvals December 2016. Surgical Class January 23, 2017. Met with Dr. Reed February 7, 2017. Opti start date March 1, 2017. Surgery March 15, 2017 (Dr. Foute-Nelong).

HW 348 SW 316 CW 191

GW 160

JRo
on 4/15/18 11:17 am, edited 4/15/18 4:23 am - Cobourg , Canada

Hi, there.

Just wanted to send some support your way. I haven?t had surgery yet so I?m not sure if depression is a common thing afterwards, but the ?winter blahs? are absolutely real and will affect your mood.

I have read through your post about 3 times now and it sounds like you are at a point where you are trying to decide whether to keep losing or to be in a maintenance mode. Don?t over complicate it.

I?ve been trying to do a lot of research to prepare myself and I stumbled across Dr. Vuong (a USA bariatric surgeon) videos on YouTube. I mentioned him in a different thread before and I?m probably starting to sound like I ?m plugging for him. He is not for everyone; he swears a bit and keep in mind he is in the States and they don?t get the follow up support that we have here in Canada. But I think he has some good tips, tricks and take always; anyways I know he posted a video on ?Emotional Mind Games After Weight Loss Surgery?. Have a look.

For me, it made me start thinking about the mental changes that have to be made during our weight loss journey. And for you, this guy made a video for his patients because a lot of them were experiencing emotional issues after surgery - so you are not alone in feeling this way by a long shot.

Keep talking to your therapist. Keep posting on here for any support you need too. Focus on the solution rather than the problem, because worrying one way or the other isn?t the action that will get you where you want to be, where ever that is. You have come a long way, appreciate that for a minute or two. i.e. You don?t climb a mountain without stopping for a bit to see the view before moving on. This journey is no different.

Give your self some love for how much you have done and hopefully you will be able to decide what you want from there.

~ j.

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