- HEALTH TRACKER
So, while this has been a journey fraught with bleeding ulcers, anorexia, potassium depletion, pain, mistakes, tears, life-changing choices and pretty much losing my mind, going crazy and then finding my mind (and believe me that was NOT easy), and plenty of therapy with a great, caring, loving art therapist, it has also been the best decision I've ever made. I was lucky with my insurance at the time...they paid without a quibble. From finally saying yes to my PCP and climbing on the gurney for surgery was only 6 weeks. Then, it was 'Let the games begin'!!
There are days now when I still am caught off guard when I see my silhouette in a window or mirror. It is startling to realize that my minds eye still expects to see me in a larger body. I'm waiting for my brain to catch up with my body, but then I was extremely large for a long, long time and have been thinner for only 6 years. They say it takes half as long as the relationship lasted to get over it when it ends. So, that should mean that my brain will catch up in about, oh, say 25 years. Yikes. LOL. My relationship with obesity was most of my life and I was 53 at the time of surgery.
I've learned so many things. I've learned that I didn't know what love was, I do now. I've learned I was controlling and angry. I'm not anymore. I've learned I hadn't a clue that money meant security, and now I know it sooo does not. I've learned where my true security is. I've learned how to view the glass half full instead of half empty. I've learned how to be happy. In the face of any adversity I've learned how to compartmentalize it and be happy around it and how to not 'get it on everyone else' in my environment. I've learned some dignity and grace. I've learned to let my heart and gut lead me instead of my egocentric brain and mind. I've learned patience and tolerance, compassion and gentleness with others who don't have a clue yet as to what we are here for. I've learned how to live with and without money. I've learned how to let myself be loved because I now love myself first. I've learned how to allow the people in my life to have their own lives, and know that I am not a reflection of their actions, it has nothing to do with me. I can feel for them but not like them. I've learned to not meddle, I've enough to do with my own business.
No matter where you are on the continuum of this process I hope you will be able to understand and feel hopeful.
How I did it: (1) I followed the surgeons rules for physical health. (2) I never gave up. (3) No matter how much it hurt or seemed impossible I pushed on through and got to the other side. (4) I told the truth, no matter what. (5) I accepted my 'mistakes' as part of the process and kept going anyway.
Good luck to all of you, may you have the gutz to be honest with yourself and others, and may you attain whatever success means to you. I wish you happiness.
It's been a while since I'd stopped in here. I'm glad to hear "Courage" is still with you. When we look back and realize just how much hutzpah it has taken to get to where we are it's amazing isn't it? Sometimes I wonder where I got all that courage! Then again a little builds on a little and soon we have enough to do the things that scare us spitless and wow! what a surprise when we display it....the goodies on the other side are worth far more than the effort, no matter what.
The desert. Still here. No, No,and No. Remember when we practically 'lived' here? LOL...
I went to a farmers market yesterday and tasted some goat cheese on her homemade crackers and couldn't help but think of you...btw your cheese is by far....better! I didn't even buy any.
I don't feel guilty at all regarding food, or any other issue actually. I still eat like I ate in the beginning. The anorexia and ulcers actually turned out to be a good thing for me in the long run...remember that which does not kill you, blah, blah, blah??? Well in my case it's true. I can't eat many different things and I certainly can't eat very much of the things I can eat. I'm a vegetarian now. If it has eyes and could see me killing it to eat it, I won't eat it. I get plenty of protein and my body quit liking meat long ago. My spiritual walk has intensified and gone in a direction I would never have predicted. My personal life is very alternative and edgy. My career is still the same and I'm doing really well there.
I do look different! I thought I'd try being a real blonde and it suits me. I am really well and I'm exceedingly happy. But then anyone would be in my position...I've got it made and the best of all worlds. hehe
Same email addy as before.....omg I've burnt up 3 computers since then - no hard drive data saved...send email addy.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!
I do the carafate liquid and prilosec. I cannot go a day without either or my
pouch feels like it is onfire. I would love to have you come for a visit. I am leaning toward vegatarian because meat, since surgery, has never agreed with me. I cannot even do the milk or milk products. I eat chicken and peanut butter and most days just the peanut butter. My cat is biting me as I type. She sure is pissy about my keyboard. LOL