Results
I received the call. My beta is only 160 and who knows the progesterone (low) -- didn't ask. So, as I had suspected from the last number, it did go up and now is on its way back down. This IS NOT a viable pregnancy. It's not like I am shocked or anything, because I knew from the beginning my numbers were low and the chances were slim.
Still, it hurts. I am so sad. More than sad, I am so deeply angry right now. I don't understand why this keeps happening. It shouldn't be this hard.
Please do not get on me for not remaining optimistic. My realistic attitude DID NOT cause this pregnancy to fail. My body caused it to fail. Also, I understand some of you are religious, but hearing "in his time" is not what I need right now.
Most of all, I just want to scream from the top of my lungs:
**********KKKEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR..............and so there I did...
I may not be around much for awhile. I have to go throw up and perhaps sleep it off a little...and then wait to completely miscarry. Then, I can add my 4th loss to my signature...
Still, it hurts. I am so sad. More than sad, I am so deeply angry right now. I don't understand why this keeps happening. It shouldn't be this hard.
Please do not get on me for not remaining optimistic. My realistic attitude DID NOT cause this pregnancy to fail. My body caused it to fail. Also, I understand some of you are religious, but hearing "in his time" is not what I need right now.
Most of all, I just want to scream from the top of my lungs:
**********KKKEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR..............and so there I did...
I may not be around much for awhile. I have to go throw up and perhaps sleep it off a little...and then wait to completely miscarry. Then, I can add my 4th loss to my signature...
*********************************************************************
Ann
Mom to Ean after 5 longs years of Infertility....2/29/12!
- 3/07 - 12/07 - 3/08
- 5/09 - 11/10 - 2/11
Ann
Mom to Ean after 5 longs years of Infertility....2/29/12!
- 3/07 - 12/07 - 3/08
- 5/09 - 11/10 - 2/11
well damn it Ann, that isn't the news I was (nievely) hoping you'd come back with,
Anyone who even thinks that you could have in ANY way caused this is screwed in the head and I'll smack them. You aren't at fault, no matter what you thought. I only lost one and it still makes me paranoid..you have every right to your feelings. Positive thoughts can go a long way but if something is going to happen, it just is. It wasn't this baby's time and for some ungodly reason, you are being tortured with it.
Rest, scream and yell...and screw anyone who thinks or tells you you could have done something to prevent it.
We are here when you need us.
Anyone who even thinks that you could have in ANY way caused this is screwed in the head and I'll smack them. You aren't at fault, no matter what you thought. I only lost one and it still makes me paranoid..you have every right to your feelings. Positive thoughts can go a long way but if something is going to happen, it just is. It wasn't this baby's time and for some ungodly reason, you are being tortured with it.
Rest, scream and yell...and screw anyone who thinks or tells you you could have done something to prevent it.
We are here when you need us.