Don't know what to think anymore...LONG TMI

On Tuesday I started spotting, went to the ER in the evening because it did not stop (brown tingy no need for a pad only there when wiping) (sorry).  Spent 7 hours sitting in the waiting room (hard on the bony ass) Was seen by the Doc...No cramping or pressure, just spotting.  He scheduled me for an Ultrasound Wed morning.  Came home at 2am, didn't sleep, called into work at 6am to tell them I wouldn't be in, laid down again until 9am, got up and went to the Ultrasound.  They did a Vag U/S as I am under 10 weeks (8 weeks along in my Doc's opinion from my BBT chart).  Still spotting, same symptoms (also when I woke up Tuesday morning my breasts did not hurt just light tenderness if you pushed on the nipple, same way now)I did have a little red spotting once I came home from the ER Tuesday night.  Sat around the ER for another 4 hours Wed waiting to see the Doc for the U/S results.  I had found out that my levels were 1852 Tuesday night, the U/s revealed that I was measuring 6 weeks 3 days...BUT...No Yolk sac, no Heartbeat could be found, and told that it does not look good. I started bleeding as of yesterday afternoon although it is light to med flow with very small clots. It changes from red to brown with stringy material.  I am having my levels tested again tomorrow morning and they are scheduling another U/S for next week to make sure they are sure things are just dated wrong or I indeed am miscarring. I am so frustrated and sad. I just keep crying, we have tried for 15 years,  I suffer from PCOS and concieved this first time on Metformin and clomid (4th cycle).  Any thoughts on what I should have them test me for (maybe progesterone?) the next time around (bleeding has me thinking and being realistic that I am miscarring). DH has been somewhat great...let me explain, the ER gave me their MC pakage of reading material, he would not even let me look at it, I got pissed.  The Doc told us it is natural to grieve...This pissed him off.  He said that if I think Neg, things will be neg, but what else can I think, MEN just don't understand. The Doc told him that a woman just knows....I thought they were going to have to call security, DH's face got all red. But he just hurried me out of there.  Thank God as the tear factory was starting up. I hate ppl watching me cry.  We than took the U/S results over to my OB's office and all the secretary could say was I'm so sorry, I will pass this info on to the Doc and if he wants you to come in I will call, other than that we will keep your schedualed appointment for the 29th.  I am so confused, broken hearted, a,m I being realistic and starting to tell ppl that I am mc'ing, I haven't told my mom anything yet, but will be today, It is going to be a very depressing day and I will probably cry all day, Mmmmm salty tea!  I am crying over my cup right know.  Any thoughts and advice is welcome.

Thanks to everyone and for all the support. At least with all of you I feel I am not going this alone.  DH is too hard too talk rational too keeping emotions out.  I feel as though I can cry on complete strangers shoulders.  It is easier...Next time (other than my sisters here) I will be keeping mum until I know the pregnancy will be viable...not gonna do this again  by telling the world only to have to retell the horror.

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I will pray for you and hope that it was really just too early for the ultrasound to see the heartbeat.

*hugs* I can't even imagine what you are going through - stay strong. I am sure that hubby is upset too and doesn't know how to handle it (you know how men and emotions can be!)

*more hugs*

Liz

I'm very sorry. I have been in your shoes and it isnt easy. I still struggle with it. I cry at times too. I also have PCOS. Don't give up hope. Possibly ask your doctor to give you femara your next cycle.

Thoughts and prayers going up!

I am so sorry Sherry.  It blows and it is unfair.  Take time to heal and then have a heart to heart about future steps with your doctor...

I am in the belief that ANYONE doing medicated cycles should have progesterone support.  Although meds make your progesterone higher, it has also been my experience that it can drop faster.  No need to test it, just demand that you want to go on progesterone support.  It certainly doesn't hurt anything.

I'm so sorry, Sherry! The waiting and unknown are excruciating, so I pray you find answers and acceptance soon.

We are here for you!

Hugs,

I'm so sorry Sherry. My thoughts and prayers are with you today...

~Flora

Wow - what an ordeal and I would be a water works factory during all this, too.  I find most of the time my hubby doesn't deal well with my tears about things he "can't fix"  He is of the belief that if I am crying, he needs to fix it.  And sometimes, there's no fix to be had.  Perhaps that is what your hubby is struggling with - along with his emotions regarding this possibility.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm so sorry.  That feeling is all too familiar to me.  Get the tears out, there is nothing wrong with that. 

Wishing you peace through this horrible process.

Sharon

Nothing right to say! Just know you are definately not alone!! My husband has never taken a miscarriage well. He feels more anger and I feel more sad. I dont know if he knew how to feel. Just take all the time you need and make sure you let yourself feel it. Big hugs to you!!!

Just got off the phone with my Doctor and he said things definately sound like a blighted ovum and that a miscarriage is likely with in the next day or two with the bleeding now picking up.  He also said that once I get my next period after this ordeal is finished we have the green light to proceed again with ttc with out having to wait to long.  Something to look foward too.  I also asked a few questions about the progesterone etc and he said we can discuss it further at our next visit.  I will then ask him about the femara too.  Thank you everyone for your support and thoughts, the HUGS are very comforting.