on 6/9/11 12:57 am - NC
Is it wrong for me to not think that telling me I need to gain weight so I don't blow away is not a compliment? What's wrong with just saying "you look good"?  My FIL has said this to me the last two times he's seen me and it just ticks me off.  Of course he has always been hyper critical of my weight so maybe it's just me?

on 6/9/11 1:02 am
 I think some people try to give compliments, but just don't know how to do it. I don't know the relationship you have with the person to tell if it is actually a compliment or them being rude, ect.. 

I would probably take that as a compliment from some people, but others I could see it as a rude remark. 
Amy T.
on 6/9/11 1:04 am - CA
Maybe its his way of telling you that you look good.  I would take it as a compliment.  We have two choices in this type of situation,  to let things that are said bother us,  or not.  The choice is ours.

You have done an amazing job.  Don't let what others say take away from your success!

Way to go!  Keep it up!

I am ready to be an active participant in my life rather than a spectator...  

on 6/9/11 1:05 am
RNY on 04/20/11 with
I think some people don't know how to give a complement. And then others like to give criticism hidden in a complement. Just me but, no mater what people say if I am feeling good about me, my response is a simple smile & a thank you.
Kim S.
on 6/9/11 1:39 am - Helena, AL
I never assume anyone is trying to be mean spirited.  I heard this a lot when I was losing--my response was always

"OOH!  When that happens I hope you get it on video and put it on You Tube!!"  and then I'd wink and smile.

on 6/9/11 1:49 am
RNY on 04/20/11 with
 Kim,  you always have such a great out look on things! I love reading your posts. 
on 6/9/11 2:00 am
My mother-in-law does that to my 13 year daughter who is the ideal weight for her height and always has been. She has been doing this for years.  You would think she would see most of her grandchildren are overweight and obese and be glad for those that are at healthy weights.  Thankfully, my daughter has a positive body image, understands good nutrition and practices it daily. I wish I knew at 13 what she knows!
on 6/9/11 2:16 am - Nixa, MO
Reminds me of the fellow who said to me, in front of my DH who is wonderful, "If you'd lost weight and gotten that wig sooner you could have gotten a younger man". I know he's a big clod so I just let it slide and DH and I laughed our butts off after we got away from him.
Don't let negative/unconscious people get you down.

Adamsamah, Lana
"WLS is about making better choices, a healthier lifestyle and seeing how little you can eat.  Portion control is the key to all weight loss surgeries.  Bottom line - it isn't how much you can eat - it is how little you can eat."


on 6/9/11 3:53 am
I think it is especially awkward for men, sometimes, to give a compliment to a woman about her appearance.

I had some male coworkers make the same comment to me. I just laughed and said, "Well I can assure you, there's no immediate danger of THAT!!!"

One, who I have worked iwth for quite some time, was more direct but still said, "It's really politically incorrect to say this, but have you lost some weight?"

Bear in mind, I didn't share the details of having surgery with my co workers.