I think most of us are probably at least a little scared of failure when it comes to this whole WLS thing.  And I think a big reason for that fear is because we’ve failed so many weight loss attempts in the past.

I just wanted to point out, to those just beginning their journey or just considered the possibility of RNY, that this is totally different than any weight loss attempt you’ve made in the past.  Saying, “I have gone on diets before and I did not lose or I regained, so I will probably fail at RNY, too” is kind of like saying, “I tried to learn to play the piano but was no good at it so I will probably be unable to learn to speak French, too.”  One has little to do with the other.  It’s a whole different skill set.

Yes, you’ll have to make good food choices after RNY and you’ll have to practice portion control.  Those things might have been hard for you before surgery and they might be hard after surgery, too.  But before surgery, you had a stomach the size of a football.  After surgery, you’ll have a pouch the size of an egg.  See how that would make portion control a lot easier?  Before surgery, to practice good portion control, you needed to stop eating even when you were still hungry.  But now, after surgery, you can eat and feel satisfied and still be eating a proper portion.

RNY gives us a tool that we never had before.  I’m not guaranteeing you’ll succeed.  But I guarantee that your tool will help you in ways you never had help before and I guarantee it’s not like any of the things you’ve tried in the past to help you lose weight.  Even if you had the band before, RNY is nothing like that.

 Kelly I learn so much from your posts. Thanks so much

 I liked that post Kelly. 
I think you need to believe in success. It's hard when you've never had success. For me the last year has been believing that I can be successful. This year I have maintained my weight loss and stayed within a 10 pound range. I've never done that in my life but I'm starting to really believe that I can do this long term.
For me that acceptance of success has  been slow in coming.
Deb T.

Thanks for the post Kelly.  I appreciate all you posts alot, but as a newbie aobut 1 month out that has failed at everything else, this one hits home today!! 

I so agree. I am over a year out and at goal weight! I still look in the mirror some days and can't believe the person staring back at me. I run, I get up and down easier, I feel better, food doesn't rule my life anymore.

I still struggle some, such as when I make a great dinner and can only eat 4 bites, makes me feel like the effort was wasted, but I know it is better food than the alternative. Sugar still is a craving and can be tempting, but I try to limit it to a hershey kiss or 2. I know that I eat so so so much less than I used to still and I want to keep it that way.

Kelly, your timing is impeccable. Even though I've got a surgery date and have done all the right things, and even though I'm in therapy and have an amazing support system, I still have so many doubts. From what I experienced with my first surgery, I know that things were very different post-op emotionally because I felt the effects of the band doing its job. I just need to always remind myself that I have the tools to make this happen for the rest of my life. I so appreciate this site and all my friends here!

Thanks for sharing - I appreciate your perspective.

 kelly this is stunning!!!
im 4 months out and i still think this way, especially now my appetite is bac****ep saying ot myself that im unable to control it or move on forward
you really really got me with this post ill save this and read it whenever i have certain thoughts
thank you so much , and happy new year you all :)
hope x

Nicely said!

This post came at a good time!  I have been playing the mental games with myself that even though it seems to worked for everyone else...it may not work for me.  I can't imagine being under 200 lbs, I can't picture myself being thinner and happy.  But I am truly dedicated to the process and I know that if I hang in there...I will lose this weight!

I think the fear that we'll be the one person that surgery doesn't work for is pretty common.  But if you think about it, why would your body work totally different than everyone else's?  I'm sure you are a special, unique person.  But I bet you are not that special or unique.  Know what I mean?

Very True, I know what you mean!

I feel that same way.  I am about 5 wks. out and everyone's big question seems to be what size I'd like to be or what weight I hope to get down to.  I really don't allow myself to think about it because I fear failure.  My husband told the nurse at the hospital that I was afraid it wouldn't work.  He said that she laughed and said it does work but I will have to be committed to using this tool properly.  I am 100% committed to that so I am just trying to have faith that it will work as it should. 

For me, "fear of failure" was much bigger than the fear of surgery! I had failed at long term weight loss so many times. When I was just over a year out from surgery and feeling pretty good about my long term success, a friend of a friend was talking to me at an event we were both attending. She told me that she had had the surgery too. I hid my shock as she was very overweight! She said to me "Come see me in a year, all your weight will be back too."

As much as it was a nasty thing to say, it made me realize that I can't just rest on my successful weight loss and improved health. I need to continue my healthy ways and NOT go back to the ways of life that got me to the point that I needed the surgery. I will always remember that day at the buffet table hearing those words. I will also remember her plate overloaded with pastas and sweets and mine with a couple slices of roast beef and cheese.

The surgery is absolutely no magic fix.  If you go back to eating the way you used to eat, you'll eventually look a lot like you used to look.  It's a tool, not a magic wand.  It's a great tool that you didn't have before surgery, but still just a tool.  How you use it is up to you.

 Very good analogy!!

Thank you Kelly, for this post.  I logically know that failure, especially this early out, is unlikely, I still have those thoughts. 

I will be (hopefully) getting my surgery early 2012 and really appreciate your post. This is def one of my fears.

Thanks!

Sheila

Thanks for the post Kelly.  As a newbie that is waiting for insurance approval and wondering if I am making the right decision, it really helped to solidify my decision to have this surgery.  It is not a magic wand approach, but a tool to help with my lifestyle changes.  Thanks for your encouraging words.

I'm a bit over two years out and I wish I could make every newbie read Kelly's posts. She is awesome!!!

It is possible to eat around the surgery, no matter what surgery you have. Many many years ago I had and aunt get "the jaw wiring surgery" She could only drink liquids. Well she discovered that shakes and malts are liquids. This was before the internet. She ended up gaining so much weight with her jaw wired shut that she stood up and broke her femur. It is the strongest bone in the body. When it healed she repeated it with the other leg. That was when I decided I needed to research WLS. I took ten years to research and my insurance would only pay for RNY. So I took it and ran with it...lol. I have lost a lot of weight. I still have a bit more to go. I eat normal sized portions for the most part. Sometimes I have big pouch days and sometimes small pouch days. It all depends on grumpy the pouch. She kinda rules my life, but that's great, cause I wasn't doing that great a job before her...

Kelly's posts should be mandatory ready for newbies, and those of us who are farther down the line should read them too. They are always informative.

Great job Kelly!!!!