Bringing your own food - rude or not???

lanagirl
on 7/29/12 1:59 pm

My family is having dinner at my MIL's house tonight and they are serving hamburgers and hot dogs, neither of which I eat. Grilled hamburgers are just too dry and I haven't tryed hot dogs post op, so I was thinkig about bringing a piece of grilled chicken but my hubby thinks that's rude. So what do you all think? Should I just eat sides and have some protein at home or bring my own meat?

Lady Lithia
on 7/29/12 2:03 pm

RNY on 03/18/08 with

Your hubby probably knows your MIL better than you do, so I'd be guided by that.

I would eat something before going over, pack a protein bar or other snack in your purse, and I'd stack up on ssides and/or put things on your plate that you know you won't eat.

You might ask hubby what behavior will tick MIL off the least.

~Lady Lithia~ 200 lbs lost!
March 9, 2011 - Coccygectomy!
I chased my dreams, and my dreams, they caught me!

wendydettmer
on 7/29/12 2:05 pm - Rochester, NY

RNY on 12/22/11 with

my parents or inlaws wouldn't care, but they understand that i have different dietary needs now. although they also would have asked what i wanted and tried to make it for me, so idk. but if you think i would strain relations, i would eat ahead of time and bring a small snack.

Follow my vegan transition at www.bariatricvegan.com
HW:288 CW:146.4 GW: 140 RNY: 12/22/11

Barb H.
on 7/29/12 2:08 pm - Kailua-Kona, HI

Revision on 01/25/12 with

If your MIL knows about your surgery, I hope that she would understand that you need different foods from what they might have. We went to a meeting last weekend that included potluck and I didn't think ahead on what I could bring and the only protein type food was lasagne. I'm lactose and gluten intolerant. Very bad move on my part. It took me all week before my intestines finally settled down. This is a different issue for you, but my thoughts are that you need to take care of yourself. I would hope your family would understand and be supportive.

Lap band 03/09; revised to RNY 01/12
Read about my journey at www.journeyofafatwoman.wordpress.com

yangie314
on 7/29/12 2:10 pm - MI

RNY on 07/03/12 with

I sure if your MIL knew that you had surgery, she should be aware of your dietary needs and that what she has prepared does not meet those needs. Then too, I would call to make sure what is on the menu, she may have made you something special on the side. Thats what my MIL does for me now that I had the surgery. Good Luck

Ladytazz
on 7/29/12 2:14 pm

Unless it would really cause problems I would ask if you could bring something and then bring whatever they request and whatever you can safely eat. For instance, they ask that you bring chips, you bring a bag of chips and cooked chicken. Don't make an issue about it, just be natural. I've done that and it's very hard not to be gracious in that situation. Even if they tell you not to bring anything, a nicely plated dish is hard to turn down.

Revision 7/23/2010 HW 240 SW 220 CW 105
Half the person I once was. Now my eyes really are bigger then my stomach

~"Be kinder than necessary, everyone is fighting some kind of battle"~
All my posts are just other people's opinions that I've stolen from other boards.

lanagirl
on 7/29/12 2:17 pm

RNY on 09/12/11 with

Thanks for answering! My MIL does know about my surgery but just doesn't "get it". She tries to be helpful but she does things like make a bowl of pasta salad without the mayonaise for me when it's the pasta I can't eat! I can't really say much at dinner because it is a big family and it just not the time or place. I will do as suggested and just eat my chicken at home. I've been married for 16 years so it's not like I don't know her so I was more asking about if it is rude in general but thanks for all the responses.

poet_kelly
on 7/29/12 2:18 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08 with

I frequently take my own food. I don't see why it would be rude. If you can't eat the hamburgers and aren't willing to try the hotdogs (which is probably wise on your part), why is it rude to bring something you can eat? Is it more polite to just not eat?

I don't know your MIL. Do you think she'll be really offended if you bring your own food?

Kelly

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV. I've done a lot of research on vitamins but am not qualified to give medical advice. I'm happy to share my research with you, but you should see a health care professional if you want medical advice.

Check out my blog at: storyofmyservicedog.blogspot.com/

lanagirl
on 7/29/12 2:23 pm

RNY on 09/12/11 with

Yes I do think she would be. I dunno, she'd just act offended that I'm not eating what she cooked. It's a weird relationship we have. I have lost 135+ lbs and she has not said ONE WORD about it. NOT ONE WORD! and we live next door, so it's not like she hasn't noticed. Who doesn't notice when someone loses a whole person??? But that's a whole different story.

poet_kelly
on 7/29/12 2:28 pm - OH

RNY on 11/04/08 with

but you won't be eating what she cooked whether you bring your own food or not, right? So if she's going to be offended no matter what, in my mind, she might as well be offended while I get to eat instead of her being offended while I go hungry.

I don't know. Of course it's up to you. I put my need to eat above someone else's possibly hurt feelings. If someone is offended that a particular food makes me sick so I choose not to eat it, that's really their problem. I mean, would they be less offended if I ate their food and then puked? And even if they would be less offended by that, I'm sorry, I don't need to make myself ill in order to please someone else. I just say something like "That food looks and smells delicious but I'm just afraid my tummy won't like it. I can see you spent a lot of time making it, though, and it looks great." And then I eat my food.

Kelly

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and do not play one on TV. I've done a lot of research on vitamins but am not qualified to give medical advice. I'm happy to share my research with you, but you should see a health care professional if you want medical advice.

Check out my blog at: storyofmyservicedog.blogspot.com/

Sin Kim
on 7/29/12 2:25 pm - Castle Rock, CO

RNY on 07/27/04 with

I think whatever you do is not rude - as long as you don't make a big fuss or make anyone feel guilty (which I'm sure you wouldn't as you posted this question in the first place) ...

I think it is more rude when people expect their families and friends to know EXACTLY what their needs are post op and expect them to re-arrange their lives for THEM ... We get a lot of posts like that on here! We chose to have this surgery and really can't expect everyone to alter their lives to accommodate us - it really should be the other way round ....

We are NOT special or precious and after a while can fit in with family events nicely.

8 years + post RNY - 100% EWL and maintaining ...

Whit
on 7/29/12 2:38 pm

Revision on 12/10/12 with

I do not think it's rude. However if you have to ask then you porbably know how your MIL will take it. So best not. Why stir it up? Maybe you can bring a side of something you can eat. Or bring more then one chicken breast. Bring enough to share. If it is a big gathering she may not even know if and when you eat unless of course it is a sitdown more formal dinner.

You are lucky to have a MIL my husbands mother died 10 years beore I met him. Bummer...

Good Luck!
Whit

Revision from RNY to DS 12/10/12 Dr. Ara Kesishian

Created by MyFitnessPal - Nutrition Facts For Foods

grmadeb01
on 7/29/12 4:28 pm - FL

i would fix a dish that i could eat and fix enought to share, and bring that...llike deviled eggs, those go great at a BBQ...i think i would call and just suggest that you are going to bring a couple of things to add to the BBQ...bring en extra side like the eggs and the chicken or something that you can eat in tin foil so it can just be put on the grill...wrap it up with seasonings and such, then it will stay nice and moist...
good luck....when there are large family get togethers, we never just have one person fix everthing...we all bring pot luck type of stuff...
good luck
debby

MickeyDee
on 7/29/12 4:31 pm

So eat a grilled hot dog; you can put mustard or whatever you like on it, eliminate the bun, and just eat it with a fork (or your fingers). No drama, no fuss, and just say a polite "no thanks" to anything else you don't care to eat.

Honest, it's not hard.

bugsmommy
on 7/29/12 6:26 pm

I have a funky allergy (tomato) so I am used to bringing something to make sure I can eat. I don't think.its rude and neither do my friends and family. Actually my friends and family are awesome and make sure that I have something I can eat. Bring enough to share

Cherie

Jen V.
on 7/30/12 6:26 am - Waterford Township, MI

RNY on 06/29/12 with

This is a little late, but next time, why not have your husband offer to help cook as well and throw some chicken on the grill. He could make several pieces so as not to offend anyone.

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Bringing your own food - rude or not???