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Anger Post Weight Loss

Constantine
on 1/6/13 12:23 pm

I am almost two years out and at my goal weight.  I've accomplished all I wanted to with the RNY, including becoming an avid gym rat and getting my black belt.  I am not an angry person, and I appreciate all the support and love I've gotten along the way with this journey from everyone, including this board.

 

Just a little vent - it makes me mad that people are treating me like a "person" now that I am thin.  Obviously as a fat girl, I wasn't worthy of that.  I cannot believe the difference.  The guys at work, my boss, my friends, my own family.  Even my husband.  It makes me mad that I wasn't worthy of that before.  I do not treat anyone that way, ever.  I wouldn't.  Also sad that a close friend of mine doesn't like me anymore since I've lost weight.  I was always the fat friend she went out with and she got all of the attention.  Once I got into size 8's she didn't want to hang out anymore and we had a huge falling out.  Top that with me finding out she wa****ting on my husband (she is married too) and told another friend she was friends with me to be around him.  It makes me feel like such a doormat.  I was a really GOOD friend to her and it kills me that I wasted my time with that.

 

I know I shouldn't have regrets about the past because you cannot change it, but some of it still burns.  I am moving on everyday, though - removing toxic people from my life and not comparing myself to others.

  
  
robyn_fresh
on 1/6/13 12:43 pm
RNY on 12/18/12

I have heard a lot of this. I am only 3 weeks post op, but I do have fears that some close friends will not be my friends anymore with time. I also have a fear about what will happen with my relationship with my boyfriend because he was against me having surgery. He is one of those "We could do it the hard way." people; and I think that secretly he has fears about me losing and him not even though he is only about a hundred pounds overweight. I have over 200 to lose. You're not alone by a long shot. I've heard many scary stories.

Constantine
on 1/6/13 12:48 pm

My husband didn't want me to have the surgery either.  He's very active and has always been thin and athletic.  He never cared that I was overweight.  He reluctantly agrees now that the surgery was good for me and I am a much happier person.  But he's also now a bit jealous and overprotective, which makes me a bit angry.  Its silly for me to have these feelings, I know, but its not something I expected two years out.

  
  
Angela_Italiana
on 1/6/13 12:59 pm - CA
RNY on 03/04/13

I completely understand what you are saying, but almost in reverse if that makes sense?. In my late teens and very early twenties I was a normal weight, even skinny.. but after a serious bout of depression that lasted years it has landed me at the weight I am.  I was completely astonished at how differently people treat me now. Just like you said, my bosses, colleagues, friends, family.. its so very different. I had a really hard time understanding this. Like some how the number on the scale is directly correlated to the type of respect and treatment I deserve? It's absurd! My surgery is about two months away, and I know my life is going to completely change again, and eventually I will become a person of "interest" to the current snubbers, but is it wrong to think "I wont forget how you've treated me"? 

I think the way you feel is completely justified, and I understand being angered about it. You deserve people who cherish you just as you are, no matter what. If that changes because we are too fat or too skinny, then they're not worth our time or energy. You've done a great think for yourself, and don't let anyone bring you down!

Constantine
on 1/6/13 2:20 pm

I guess that I had been overweight for so long I forgot how things were.  I have been 80 to 100 pounds overweight since my first child was born, so about 15 years or so.  I always assumed I was invisible because I was in the 'mom' role and didn't think about it much - it never occurred to me that my appearance was what caused it. 

  
  
Candy V.
on 1/6/13 1:08 pm - MI
RNY on 09/12/12

I had a similar discussion years ago with a friend who lost a lot of weight by dieting.  She was very upset with her husband for showering attention and gifts of sexy cloths and bikinis on her after she lost 50ish pounds.  Why was she deserving of gifts thin not heavy?  It is a mind game for sure. 

I only have a few close friends and they have been around long enough to have known me thinner and thicker lol.  I don't see this being an issue for me.  I definitely understand the point. You are better without her in your life.

 RNY 9/12    TT 9/13    HT 5' 4"   HW 250    SW 242   CW 125

Come keep it real in R&R 3.0 Want a group invite?  Send a PM  

    

Constantine
on 1/6/13 2:18 pm

I really am better off.  Its been a few months of less and less contact and things have gotten so much better with our group of friends and my husband is very relieved to be free of the drama that came along with it all.  I am just mad at myself for being a doormat and not standing up to her and defending myself over the husband thing.  Its all good now, I just couldn't see the forest for the trees, or however that saying goes.

  
  
robyn_fresh
on 1/6/13 1:11 pm
RNY on 12/18/12

I divorced my first husband after years of feeling like he was ashamed of me because of my weight. I ended up in a relationship with my current boyfriend who never cared that I am overweight and it feels so good to know that he isn't ashamed of me and loves me how I am. Now I am worried that we will fight because he doesn't understand my choice to have weight loss surgery. It's kind of ironic! I also must admit that I have had thoughts of how sweet it will be to roll up to drop my kids off for the weekend at my ex husband's place looking the way he thought I should. He has a skinny girlfriend now, but she's not pretty. I am! ha lol. See I have evil thoughts too.

Constantine
on 1/6/13 2:16 pm

And you will get there - those types of NSV's are the VERY best, lol.

  
  
Zeigled
on 1/6/13 1:22 pm - Parkton, MD

I have noticed the same thing....all of the sudden people are nice to me.  I took several loads of yard debris to the dump and EVERY time someone offered to help.  Never - and I mean NEVER - happened before.  I notice that people nod or smile in the store rather than avoid eye contact (and it isn't anything I'm doing differently - I almost always looked at people and smile a greeting).  These seem like just minimal courtesies that should occur.  It is SAD.  I am very conscious of how I treat people so that I don't differentiate - esp now.

HW 357 SW 341