Personality change after gastric bypas
on 3/29/13 7:59 pm
Has anyone had a problem of people saying your personality has changed after gastric bypass?? My mother in law says my personality has changed for the worst. I don't see that I'm doing anything different except I'm happier and I don't want to be negative about anything. Feel more self confident too.
any ideas on this subject???
My family thinks I've changed for the better. I'm happier, healthier, confident, and I actually like the way I look for the first time in my life. Its all positive. I may joke that I am vain but no one really thinks so. Your mother-in-law may be experiencing what a lot of families do: they see you change and are no longer the big person and no longer fill the role they're used to you filling. Its her reaction to change and not everyone takes change well. I would ignore her comments and just keep doing what you're doing. Not everyone is going to cheer you on during this journey but its important that you remember that you did this for you and not them. I wish you the best of luck.
I'm sure some think mine has. I feel the only thing that has changed is I'm more confident and happy like yourself. But I'm sure to those who wanted me in the role I was in to stay there I'm changing for the worse. I honestly can say I no longer care what they think about me I'm sure that bothers them too and may come off as a personality change but personally I refuse to ever be a doormat again!
I too have heard this and from my husband. He says that I have changed for the worse and that I'm mean. Thats crazy. I too am happier now than I have ever been. Its almost like he is looking for things to be wrong.
Even with all the relationship issues this caused I still say it was the best decision I ever made for me!
I'll admit this is something I fear from my husband as well. But I genuinely agree with most of you: our friends and family have placed us in a niche in their life with a role to play. Whether that role is the friend they can always count on to go to Denny's at 2am (this was me once), the fat girl who always makes them feel better when shopping for clothes (also me), or the wife that doesn't have the energy to travel around the country and drag her husband out of the house (yup!). I've decided that I'm going to focus on me, keep making new friends, and if my lifestyle change makes them uncomfortable then so be it.
I think most of our families and friends resentful for us fighting to get out of our fat bodies cause we Will No Longer Be Doormats. And they just think we were gonna be like that forever. Most weightloss surgery does cause seperation or divorce, the mood swings are horriable I have them now I can only imagine after I get my sleeve. But my hubby is very scared that I will leave him, and most spouses are. They marry us at a certain weight and expect us to be like that always
yep my now Ex "best friend" couldn't help but blame my gastric bypass/weight loss on Every argument she started with me lol
sadly she is gaining as im loosing she went from 130 to 210 and is Completely Jealous im loosing weight and this isnt me being ****y this is after her Constantly Telling me how jealous she is and how im changing etc.
I no longer talk to her, i honestly couldn't take the constant negativity and being pushed down when i feel good about my self ;)
I worry about this with my best friend...my twin sister...she was always the skinny one growing up but she has put on alot of weight and for once in my life...I believe I may be smaller than she is...and she can be very competitive...I always hoped one day that this day would come that I could be smaller than her but not at the risk of her own health. I think about all the talks she had with me over doing something about my weight and I know it was done with the best of intentions, I wonder now how she would feel if I did the same thing to her? She's very outspoken so I would probably take a chewing out about it and she wouldn't speak to me until she got over he mad spell....so i keep quite....she is actually asking to borrow some of my clothes for them to go to Disney! Truly weird for me in all sense of the word....LOL She will never tell me what she weighs....I hope that having to borrow clothes from me will inspire her to get on the ball....and atleast start eating better.
I hope I never lose her over me being smaller than me....because while I know she is always there if I need her she is constantly choosing friends over spending time with me.
Mine has changed for the better in confidence, speaking up and having an opinion...crazy huh?! I can still be complacent but people (my Mom) for one cannot handle it when I have an opinion or do not go along with her line of thinking....or just do as she wants....I never believe we should blame our parents for our bad decisions but I know some of the way I was brought up built my mentality to the way it was....she is a very critical and negative person...I never really realized that to this degree until I moved back in...and maybe it wasn't this bad when my Dad was living but wow....in 6 months though we've only had one blow up but alot of that involved me biting my tongue especially after that blow up.
I wish I could say I was no longer a worrier but it has to be inhereited....from my Mom, My Granny to other family members I know of....attended a funeral yesterday of my cousin who died at 52....wow, it was very eye opening as to how screwed up my family is....she was a sweetheart and her children amazing....but I just saw alot that made me go hmmmmmmm.....
Though no one has said anything, people who had not seen me in a while was truly shocked and happy about the loss...people who knew I had surgery and had seen me transforming were still amazed how how much I've lost. It didn't hurt that I was dressed to the nine's and felt really good so it was noticeable. :)
Just a few random thoughts :)
Height:5'1.5 RNY:11/30/11 HW:307 SW:234 CW:136 GW:140 (LOST 73 Lbs. PRE-OP)
I think the difference in our personalities is that we have finally decided to do something for ourselves and make ourselves a priority since we now understand we need to do this to be healthy. That means you are no longer a doormat for others to take advantage of in whatever role you have taken on in the relationship. Change is hard on everyone but communication is the key. Maybe ask them why they think you are mean. (It's probably bc you are no longer a "yes" person and stand up for youself.) Explain to them what your journey is all about and that you need to be your own advocate. Maybe they'll understand and be more supportive. If they don't, I have learned after many years of therapy, get the negativity out of your life (or limit it to your terms if you can't totally get rid of them).
Ugh the most annoying thing ever was my mom constantly telling me that when I get skinny to not become a "*****". Luckily she hasn't told me I'm becoming one. Although seriously...I might come across as *****y at times cause I don't let people talk down to me. I'm more confident about who I am and what I have to offer. So if I think a guy is treating me badly I'm going to say it. I wasted to much of my time and life being overweight and unhappy to spend another moment like that.
Jealousy will always exist...but don't let it bother you. This is after all about YOU! :)
In general I just feel like my inside reflects on my outside now. I'm finally becoming the Skinny Girl that always existed inside me!
My boyfriend says everything about me has changed, when I ask for an example he cannot name any. I hate to break it to him but it too him in the past 10 years he has changed too and he didn't have wls. We are all constantly changing and evolving, but my core values remain the same and always will.