An eating/weight problem-thoughts & prayers welcome

I am have a problem and I need to unload. I hope you do not mind but I have to get this off my chest. Maybe you can help me.

I spend most of my time thinking about what I am going to eat or drink next. It started not long after I had revision surgery in Nov. 2013. Dr. Black told me I needed to lose down to 120 lbs. I weighed 148 lbs. I first was angry and felt like he was calling me fat. But I showed him and lost 10 lbs. before returning to his office for my post-op appointment leaving 18 lbs. to lose. The problem is I only have until December to do it and my body is not budging and I have a dial scale which weighs almost 8 lbs. different than his digital scale. So, when I achieve victory on my scale it will not be a victory on his scale. I will have 8 more lbs. to go. (Does this make sense?)

Anyways, I have made a schedule for my water, tea, coffee, snacks, and meals so I get everything in. Once I eat something I automatically begin thinking about the next time I can eat. I sit at home all day with nothing to do. I plan on starting to walk track once this crazy weather warms up.  Even though I love people I withdraw and isolate due to my illness and the fact that the friends that I have are too busy to spend time with me during the day due to hectic schedules or work. I interact with people online and look for every opportunity to do so throughout the day so please feel free to send me a message or post things for me to respond to. I have a therapist who helps me with my illness issues who I see every 5 weeks and another counselor every month. I see people at church every Sunday and interact with them which is nice. My husband and I make small talk every night and I have told him what goes on during the day and what I am thinking at the times I am thinking it. I am very open with him. Because it bothers me if I am not. I feel guilty like I am hiding something.

I have thought about this enough to try to figure out why I obsess over food. Part of me has determined that I  am not getting my needs met psychologically or emotionally. I never feel full. I never feel satisfied even though my bodies needs are being met because I am not losing and my hair, skin and nails are fine and there were no other signs of malnutrition while I was on an 800 calorie diet. (This week I went to 900 calories and increased my water and proteins in hopes of jumpstarting my metabolism into losing again but no luck so far.) My husband says 800-900 calories is not enough to live off of and is very concerned. I told him that is what Dr. Black told me to eat while I was losing and to go to 1, 000 -1,200 for maintenance which I am slowly working up to. Next week I go up to 1,000 calories. Besides that I get the hiccups, my nose runs, or I have to burp after eating sometimes (these are signs of being full-even though I do not feel it psychologically or emotionally). I hope because I will know I will getting more I will feel more satisfied.

I am not sure how you can help me. I am not sure why I felt compelled to share. I do not want to be judged or regarded as crazy or a lost cause. I seriously need some support. I am open to suggestions. I am working with my counselor so please do not say talk to a counselor. I was wondering if anyone else went through this? How did you get through it? I know I've got to break the cycle in my head. I feel like admitting my problem is the first step, getting help is the second, and finding support is the third. Who will be there for me? Prayers welcome!    

Hi JJ,

I am sorry you are feeling this way!  I am not a praying kind of gal, but one thing really stuck out to me.  You say "I sit home all day with nothing to do".  Now, I too am a planner.  Most days I can have MyFitnessPal complete for the day by 9 am.  Occasionally dinner is a last minute decision, but other than that, I have to know, prepare, plan and measure/weigh.  I am a pretty busy person and most days I am fine with my 3 meals/1 shake.  But when I do manage a day with some downtime, like on a Sunday, where I say, "I am going to catch up on my DVR and do a load of laundry and just chill", I start thinking about food.  The fridge does a siren call to me!  I know that I am not hungry - how can I go to work Monday through Friday and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and be ok...but the minute I have some free time, I am hungry?  I am sure the term is "emotional eating" but it comes down to being bored, in my opinion.

Since it sounds like you don't work outside of the home, can you find things to do to make your day busy?  Volunteer walking dogs at a humane society?  Read stories at a library to kids?  Help elderly people at an assisted living home learn how to use a computer?  Maybe a part-time job would be helpful.  The more busy you are, in my experience, the less you will think about/obsess about food.

You are not alone - most of us on this site are likely emotional eaters, and I bet a lot of people here would also agree that having free time is when they think about food.  What is that phrase - something about idle time and the devil lol.

Curious to see what other people say - but I strongly recommend having something structured you have to do with your days.

Hugs!  :) Em

My prayers and support are with you if you would like to exchange emails i would like that as i am home all the time maybe we can work together to get our minds off this diet together .

Good morning JJ, ugh, it sucks that you're having such a difficult time right now. 

One of the strategies for keeping boredom and emotional eating at bay that I've used in the past that actually was helpful (but sounded really lame to me when my therapist suggested it) was having a little jar with ideas in it.

I made 15ish slips with things to do - walk up and down the steps, knit a row, take a bath, make a cup of tea, write an email to a random friend, call my Grandma, take a walk. When I found myself getting bored, which often triggered overeating for me, or stressed, I would pull one of the ideas out of my jar and DO IT, even if I really didn't feel like (the only time I gave myself an exception was if it was raining, snowing, or the middle of the night and I pulled "go for a walk."). Just moving my mind or body to something else for even a few minutes was really helpful. 

And I have to second Emily's idea about looking into volunteer opportunities in your area. Get out of the house as much as you can!

I'll be thinking about you, I hope today is a good day for you.

--Anny

Anny, I love this idea. Thanks for sharing! I appreciate your kindness.

I agree 100% with DCGirl.  If I am busy all day, the last thing on my mind is eating.  I work full time and am a very busy mom of a 4 and 6 year old.  I rarely have time to myself, but when I do (in the evening) all I think about is food.  It's disturbing.  I also think it's very common among people on this board.  I liked DCgirl's idea of volunteering, but what about a part time job at a book store or some place you might enjoy talking with people . . . as a job (not just to socialize).  It seems to me that you need a purpose.  I also (easier said than done) think you are very, very focused on the scale, which is fluxuating and frustrating.  If you really only have 3 pounds to go. . . you are at 123. . . that is pretty small for any height.  Is it possible that this is where your body needs to be?  Why is your doctor suggesting this number, specifically?

Thanks you gals!

You are right-the first step is to just put it out there.  And you've done that.  I am so proud of you for continuing your therapy, and I know you fight daily for "normalcy" (whateve that means!!) and happiness. Here are a few things I noted while reading your post-and I'm not being mean, I'm being honest.

1) It seems you spend a lot of time on the internet.  This is not the best way to socialize.  Limit your exposure.  For one thing, it is a sedentary activity.  Why read about life when you can get out and LIVE IT?? Volunteer, take up an activity like hiking, running, biking or walking.  Get active every single day.  DO NOT WAIT FOR THE WEATHER TO GET BETTER. I am a runner and I run no matter what the weather.  You would be amazed at the beauty of the outdoors even when it is raining or freezing cold. 

2) Do not be a victim.  You are in control of every choice you make.  Make choices that will lead to happiness and fulfillment. If you can, join some clubs at the library or through civic organizations where you can meet new people.

3) Plan your food every single day.  Write out your menu-and cross off the things you've had. Try new recipes.  Try new foods.  I'm currently crazy about rutabaga.  I wouldn't even know about it if I hadn't explored it! If you think you are hungry, explore hot tea (with no sweetener or milk).  It is soothing, tastes great and calorie free. I drink green tea with either apple tea or orange tea every morning after my "2nd breakfast".

4) Buy a new scale!! Invest in a digital scale-they are pretty reasonable now.  But know this-you STILL may not weigh exactly the same at home as you do at the doctor.  Time of day, time of month, clothing....many things can affect that.  In the end, a loss is a loss and a gain is a gain, regardless of which scale you stand on.

5) Keep fighting!!  YOU are important!!  And you are worth it!!  Keep being honest with your loved ones, keep those therapy appointments and keep getting support.

I am so proud of you for coming forward with your issues.  While I have no point of reference because I do not deal with the same medical issues personally, I am empathetic.  I understand anxiety issues pretty well since my daughter and a very dear friend deal with them daily.

Kim S. has great suggestions as well.  I think you just need to get out there and live.  It does sound like you are getting sucked into the internet too much. 

I appreciate your suggestions everyone!