Engagements, Hormones, and Heartache

Blackbird1987
on 4/29/14 10:59 pm

I am just over 2 months out of RNY Surgery and I am a hormonal mess. I find myself having PMS symptoms and getting so emotional, angry, paranoid, sad, happy, energetic and tired every few days or week. I feel really bad because I am engaged and I have been taking a lot of this out on my fiance and I just can't plan a wedding right now. 

I am trying to focus on myself to heal, create new habits, and be healthy but at the same time his whole family is ALWAYS talking about the wedding and planning etc. This morning we got into a VERY deep conversation about me feeling overwhelmed and under so much pressure and I told him that I don't want to get married right now and that I just can't handle all of this. I feel like an emotional wreck sometimes from the hormones but adding a wedding to that is just too much. 

We got engaged on Jan 3rd and I had my surgery Feb 25th. His family knows about my surgery but they are just VERY involved parents who are planning this wedding on my behalf at times …ugh! 

Is anyone else really hormonal after the surgery? I know that it is common to go through bouts of depression after and that our bodies are changing, healing and that we are losing a lot of fat which releases estrogen….butttttttttt... Am I crazy?

Sincerely, Ashley

JJ0609
on 4/29/14 11:23 pm

You can have your hormones checked. Call the Bariatric doctor and let them know what all is going on and see if s/he will order the labs. Do not be surprised if s/he wants you to follow up or refers you to your OB/GYN. Your hormones should be settling down from surgery. You have a lot of stressors on you with planning a wedding. Do not take it out on your fiancé. 

 “Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room.”― Marc Hack

Ht:5'4 SW:268 CW:127.2 GW:125 RNY 06/09 Stomach/colon revision 11/13  

SkinnyScientist
on 4/29/14 11:32 pm

HI!  I am horomonal too. But I dont fight. I cry.  I cry when I am happy, sad, stressed, mad or whenever the mood-o-meter moves off of center.

Fat is an estrogen sink. With us losing copious amounts of fat, we are all releasing copious amounts of stored up hormones. Also, our endocrine systems are used to making hormones for a 200-300 lb woman and as our BMI goes down, the system may still be kicking out a lot of excess. So we have excess from the system and excess from the fat.

 

If you used food as a coping mechanism, things get more stressful becase we dont have a coping mechanism.

I am getting married in December. I felt overwhelmed between the promotion at work, the extra production that came with it, dieting, exercise and weight loss. You know what I did?  I have to all to my fiance and his family.  They have to books. Basically, Iam being like the groom. Just show me your top 3 choices and I will pick one. THEY wanted the big church wedding, THEY get to absorb all the time and work too.  Seriously, I wanted a 2K destination wedding.

So far Groomy is doing really well. He got the honeymoon arranged, the officant arranged, church arranged, pre-martial (sp) counseling arranged, reception venue and diabetic friendly sugar free cake arranged (It took him a week to find a baker in NOVA that would do one), the caller (for virginia reilles ) booked, DJ is getting booked tonight, and sometimes this week we are going to negiotiate the hotel blocks.

Basically Groomy has done a fine job of arranging it all. He got all his save the dates mailed in NOvember 2013 and is helping me with mine in May 2014 (see how behind I am?).

He hasnt made any diasterous or poor wedding choices.  Well, on the colors, he did but he is guy so I picked those!

 

Seriously, if you WANT to be with this man, it is OK to hand the reins to him. You guys will be passing the reins back and forth for the rest of your lives.

 

Oh yes, dont let those stupid wedding shows make you feel like a "bad bride" for NOT doing it all. A very successful woman (in her 60s) once told me the biggest lie told to professional women is "We can have it all, all at the same time."

 

So you CAN have your wedding. It can be less stressful by letting Groomy do the quarterbacking. But tell him that you want 3 choices. Let him do the legwork then pick one. Dont critize (because eh is saving you time) just pick the best from what he presents.

 

You might be a happier bride because of it. I am signifcantly less stressed than the bride across the cube farm.

 

RNY Surgery: 12/31/2013; 

Current weight (2/27/2015) 139lbs, ~14% body fat

Three pounds below Goal!!! Yay !  

SkinnyScientist
on 4/29/14 11:35 pm

PS...HOw in the hell are you going to get a wedding dress?

I am 5 months from surgery and have lost quite a bit. I have to order the damn dress in June and I have NO idea what I will be in december. What are you doing?  Buying off the rack at davids?

Please give me some suggestions. That is my ONE stressor!

RNY Surgery: 12/31/2013; 

Current weight (2/27/2015) 139lbs, ~14% body fat

Three pounds below Goal!!! Yay !  

Blackbird1987
on 4/29/14 11:41 pm

Girl! You are my twin! I have the same problems, promotion at work with more production, wedding and surgery! I feel everything that you are saying! I like the idea of letting him plan it. I wanted the same destination less expensive wedding and his family is all about a HUGE affair with all of these distant relatives and people that I don't know. Perhaps I should let them plan it! 

I am not sure about the dress yet. We are thinking about pushing the wedding off for a bit so I can lose more weight and then just have the dress tailored a little as opposed to having to pay to alter it 1000 times due to rapid weight loss. 

SkinnyScientist
on 4/30/14 2:02 am

Do you live in the NoVa area?  I am starting to think I may *know* you. Or maybe it is because we are in the same canoe?

Really, I dont mind letting him plan it at all. He is so excited and is naturally more organized than me. So, why not. He is having so much fun too!  He does this research and talks about it everyday!  The only thing *weird* that he has come up with was wanting a Horse and Carriage to pull us into Mount Vernon for our reception. His parents wanted to dress up colonially and I said "Not for the wedding but the reception is fine" so he totally went "all out" period wise. And I told him, it would be fine if it werent cost prohibitive. He researched the cost, found it was prohibitive, and agreed that we should dump the horse and carriage idea.

But he got the idea for the Virginia Reille caller all buy himeself (well, after we both had a ton of fun doing the Reille at the Blue& Gray Ball a few years ago). He found the caller. The caller charges just 100 bucks for 4 hours of dancings. So we will mix modern and period dances (my poor wedding party).

My Fiancee also has organized and purchased all wedding expo tickets. He also is in charge of all the hard copies of the material gathered there. THe Vendors ALWAYS let him play whatever game (because he is a groom happily coming along). My fiancee generally wins the good prizes. For example he won a bridesmaid bouquet from the florist. I won ...a little "toss" bouquet. All the vendors love to feed him their cake too! I get these little teeny weeny tastes and they send him off with 1/4 of the layer!  :)

The only thing is...my groom works in IP in a customer service related area. He has customers he has to make happy. So sometimes in the neogiating part with the vendors I HAVE to be there. For example, with this hotel block, the lady actually told him that he had just 72 hours to read and sign the contract. By the way, we will not get any Marriott rewards points. Excuse me? OUr wedding is off season over 7 months away, she is giving us no perks, and she DARES tell him he has 72 hours to decide?  What happens if we dont decide in 72 hours?  Is the world going to end?  It is not like there isn't 20 million other hotels/motels around here. But my fiancee was just panicked and stressed. All I could do was look at him and say "You realized that a sales person just told you to jump and you, the customer, asked "how high/" right?"

But I am mean like that. I barter, neogiate, and am often willing to walk away.  I HAVE walked away from vendors and interestingly (after 24 hours to think about it) they end up calling me back with a counter-offer (or to accept my offer).

But seriously, my groom is doing great. For our favors we settled on 1) colonial chocolates from Mars (they dont have much sugar and are the chocolate you CAN stop eating) and 2) Xmas ornaments.  He found one person that was charging like 7 bucks an ornament to make it out of recyceled and sustainable materials. I thought what we got (ugly and plain) for the price paid (too much) was off kilter. So I did an internet search and found HoweHouse.  He loved them and is now off and "designing" our ornament. 

Seriously, the carriage, the favor, and being freaked out by the hotel receptionist is the only "mis-steps" he has taken. I cant even really call them mis-steps because the horse and carriage is a fantasy come true. The ornament was him being "eco"  (which is very noble) and the receptionist was him trying to be "nice" and getting taken advantage of.

 

 

RNY Surgery: 12/31/2013; 

Current weight (2/27/2015) 139lbs, ~14% body fat

Three pounds below Goal!!! Yay !  

Blackbird1987
on 4/30/14 2:09 am

That all sounds lovely! 

I live in Upstate NY (since Aug) born and raised in PA and have all of my family in Roanoke, VA. We are in the same boat though! haha! 

 

I love the ornament idea and think that everything sounds great! You are going to have a fantastic wedding! 

dee317
on 4/29/14 11:36 pm

omg!! I'm soo with you Lady! I'm 10 wks out and am a hormonal HOT mess too!! My poor bf! Lol. Since we carry hormones in our fat cells and we are losing fat soo fast we are losing hormones at different rates! That's how it was explained to me. Ihave an IUD for birth control. I keep reminding myself it's hormones and will get better. I'm looking into seeing a therapist who is specialized in WLS. You are definitely not alone on this! If you ever need to vent or chat message me! I can parallel with you!  Have a good day! Dee

Blackbird1987
on 4/29/14 11:43 pm

THANK YOU!  I feel so much better after reading that I am not alone! I was getting really worried! I cry a lot and am just super emotional. I would love to find a therapist who specializes in WLS. 

Same goes for you girl, if you ever want to chat, let's make it happen! 

Kimberly K.
on 4/30/14 6:45 am
RNY on 03/21/14

Hearing what you girls are going through makes me almost happy that I am old and post menopausal! My estrogen got up and left the building a while ago. Hang in there. You are going to be gorgeous for that wedding no matter when it happens!

Kim K.    

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