A little freaked out. OT.

I had some labs done yesterday, several values were off, all possibly related to kidney function.  Lots of you know that I have been having all sorts of strange problems for the last year.  I finally have a good doc who is helping me systematically look at what is happening, but the lab results are kindof freaking me out.  All of a sudden it is dawning on me that there might be something actually wrong.  For a long time I just sort of wrote the whole thing off thinking it was surgery related or just normal or maybe I was just making it up (thanks a lot crazy dysfunctional family).  But when I sat with the new doc the other day and went over all the symptoms I realized, my god, this is totally messed up.  So I am kicking myself for not being more aggressive in dealing with this months ago (though the dismissive doctors I saw didn't help one bit, but still, it is my responsibility).  And I am worried about what is going on.  It sounds like all this is pointing to some auto immune thing.  The positive thing is that I do have a good doc now and he seems invested in getting to the bottom of it with me, if we do figure out what is going on maybe I can better manage all these wacky symptoms.  I also think that (yet again) I am realizing that I need to work on trusting my intuition and owning my own body wisdom.  And (again) realizing I need to work on being assertive with medical folks.  Thanks for letting me vent a little.  I think I am just scared. 

I understand being scared.  I think this is a time to be gentle with yourself.  If you're learning that you need to trust your own intuition more and listen to your body more and be more assertive with medical people, well, that's good.  You know what you need to do.  Just take that information and use it.  Beating yourself up for not doing those things in the past isn't going to be helpful.  We do the best we can with what we have.  Now you're learning how you can do better, so you will do better in the future.

I know just how you feel. After having years of symptoms(like since high school) I was diagnosed at age 32 with rheumatoid arthritis. Because of my morbid obesity, too many doctors to count had told me all my issue was my weight. By the time I found an ortho doctor who was willing to do a scope to check out my problem I had no cartilage at all left in the tops of my knees. I had two small children and was using a cane to walk. After two partial knee replacements and hooking up with a great rheumatologist I began treatment and began to see some relief. An auto immune disease is not a death sentence anymore as there are many new avenues of treatment today. One thing that helped me when I first was diagnosed was working with a counselor who helped me to adapt my expectations and adjust to the new normal. With all the weight I have lost,even though I can't take my NSAIDS anymore,I have very few days where I have much pain. It sounds like you have found a doctor to help you work through this and figure out what is going on. It make some time,but until then be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. When you need to vent here feel free. We all have to sometimes gfor our mental health!