Obese teen

I am scheduled for surgery next month but I am concerned for my daughter that is almost 17 and is obese.. I have been trying to watch her food intake but I have also noticed she is eating late at night when I am asleep. I am really hoping that with my surgery and the life changes I am making it will affect her in a good way but I don't know what else to do to help her. I don't want her to struggle with her weight like I have my whole life.

The problem is that she has to want to change. And I well remember my relationship with my mother in teens--fraught was the least of it. Even a suggestion made out of love could cause a ground-zero nuclear event. Another thing to consider is that if she's indulging in junk food, it could be a matter of addiction. I was definitely addicted to junk food, and still struggle with resisting it. Being treated for food sensitivities (dairy, sugar, fat) really helped, but didn't make it go away. Hopefully your example will help, and removing all sources of temptation from the house. Would she consider going to something like Craving Change workshops with you? Good luck!

I am hoping that my changes will help her. We do have a pretty good relationship where we are able to talk about things. I have told her that we are going to going to start to walk and clean out the temptations from our home and she seemed ok but I am going to try to find a workshop or something that we can do together. Thank you

The best you can do is lead by example and be supportive of her.  I was that daughter and it took me until I was age 36 to change my life.  

My daughter was 15 when I had my surgery.  She is 19 now.  Before my surgery she was my eating buddy.  She is the one child out of my 5 who inherited my eating issues.  Like looking at myself at that age.

I learned that what she ate and what she weighs is none of my business, especially now that she is an adult.  When she turned 18 I told her I was no longer responsible for feeding her.  She had a job (at Taco Bell) and could afford to feed herself.  Truthfully, I couldn't.  When she turned 18 I lost the survivors benefit check I was getting for her and I didn't have the money to buy her groceries.  I was worried about how I was going to get by without that money.

I didn't need to.  Since she has been buying her own food I have more money without the check then I did with it.

She also gained at least 30-40 lbs when she took over the job of feeding herself, so I know I had at least some part in her not gaining a lot of weight growing up.

We talk honestly about these things but I've told her that it is all on her if she wants to do anything about it.  Forcing her would never work.  I lived with a mother who put me on Weigh****chers at 13 and diet pills at 14.  Maybe she thought she was doing me a favor.  I thought it had more to do with her being ashamed of me weight.  All her attempts did was cause me to resent her and eat more.

Ironically since my daughter is feeding herself she is having physical issues related to her diet, stomach pain and constipation.  She has seen her doctor and they told her what she needs to cut out and what she needs to eat.  She resisted for a while but pain won out.  She finally figured out that there was a connection between what she ate and how she felt and she decided she wants to feel good.

She is walking with friends often and has already lost 16 lbs.  I am happy for her and I am her biggest cheerleader but I don't get involved with what she eats.

She has already told me she never wants to have WLS.  She has seen what I've gone through and she hates the thought of getting sick from eating sugar.  I have told her about the VSG but she does not want surgery at all, which I respect, but the odds are against her as far as losing the excess weight and keeping it off long term with just diet and exercise.  Not impossible but very difficult.  But I know it can be done if she works at it.

Honestly, I had the same fears with my son, who is almost 23 now. I thank gawd every single day that he inherited his father's body-type and metabolism. He's a slim 6'1", not at all like his mother (I'm a mere 5'3" and was 290 lbs at surgery date)! Remembering back to my teen days I can recall all the times my parents, especially my mother, would try to help get the weight off me. It felt like criticism every time.  My first go-around with Weigh****chers was at age 11. Did she care? Yes, of course. Did it help? No. Not even a little bit. I think the best we can do as parents is lead by example.

That has to be heartbreaking for you as a mom, but you are right, you can't force her.  My parents couldn't even manage to make me quit biting my fingernails! I also hope that your new food choices and life changes will motivate her in the long run.

Advise her to consider surgery so she can be done with obesity now.  I wish I had surgery when I was young.  Four years out from RNY and at a normal weight for my height/sex, but now 48 years old I wonder what damage I did to my heart/arteries, bones, etc. by being obese all those years.  No need to struggle today - RNY works great.

Hello,I know how you feel ... I was scheduled in. 2007 for surgery. my daughter was 15 got pregnant had always been kinda heavy set. I had my surgery in feb baby was born in aug she was huge lost bout 20 lbs then all of a sudden started gaining and went all the way to 256 lbs she was miserable I was miserable for her . Babies daddy no where around . I was loosing lots and she jus****ched I knew she was sad . So at 15 I called the doctor and they performed VSG  on her feb 27 on her 16th birthday .. She is now 23 years old 135 lbs married and has had another child. Pregnancy she was actually more healthy than the first time lost her little baby fat . And just so beautiful that was in 2007 still in he 130s.. Wanted to share 

Sorry she had hers in 2008 mine was 2007