socializing centers around food still and I have to change it somehow

I haven't lost any weight in three months and I am only 11 months out. I was in a car wreck and broke my foot twice so I had times of not walking but I am walking 2 hours per day usually.

I see my five friends individually but they only want to meet at restaurants.  So three to five times a week I am guessing at calories. I take 1/2 to 2/3 of the meal to give my husband and really watch portions. I noticed when I eat with them, we sit at the table for an hour and I eat more. 

If they get a desert, I sometimes take a few bites but I am stopping because it makes me crave sweets. I have had bread but am going to cut it out for good.    I drank the Keurig sweet tea which says it has 50 calories twice a day(100).  I also noticed I want to eat more often and am tempted to snack even on protein. I am going to wean myself off tea and stay off it.

I have gotten each of my friends to meet me to walk but none of them are serious about it and I am tired of waiting on them only to have them cancel last minute. If they do show, only one can do the three miles but she is often late.  The others quit after a mile.  I have decided to walk by myself at 6 am and 6pm.

I am open to meeting new people and not making food the center of all activities.  I keep dreaming I wake up as fat as before and with all the health problems.  Failure is not an option.  People keep commenting on how much water I drink which seems like a jab since I explain I am required to drink water as part of my healthcare.

I am feeling a bit of loss, as if my friendships are all food based and are not encouraging my healthy lifestyle.  I didn't realize how much so until I had each of them go with me to my  appointments out of town.  Each one pulled out the phone and researched the most fabulous restaurant to eat.  I got excited too and looked forward to trying ethnic food.  I didn't like how I was all excited about food again.

I am doing new things and meeting new people. I am open to new friends.  I thought about inviting the ladies to my house and cooking lunch.  Any other ideas or should I just let the friendships fall away since we lost our common focus?   

I didn't "lose" my eating buddies, but our relationships did change....some of them go to the movies with me, one sometimes goes to the gym....and as i move towards sticking with healthier choices, those choices sometimes have included healthier people.......lots of people drink a lot of water, and it isn't really that noticeable in real life....that being said, most of the time my foodie friends are generally more worried about maybe i want to change the way THEY eat too, and they are really more afraid of that part. I try to find other stuff to do..have them over for dinner and I can hostess, so i am not "in" the food, but rather finding some way to help out. If I don't change my behavior and old ways of thinking and acting around food, the surgery isn't going to be a useful tool, just an expensive one! I have met more people in the thin world since getting to goal weight, to the point where I am physically uncomfortable in a room full of heavy people. So I don't tend to be in places that have a lot of heavy people in them right now  (all you can eat restauraunts etc)

Even in my wheelchair, i am out at the beach or the river, or at the gym, or taking a dance class....doing all the things i couldn't do when i was so heavy. Some people come with me, from my old life, and some fall by the way. it's ok. Keep taking care of yourself.

Hi

I have been talking with my friends about this same topic.  They said they were afraid our relationship would change after my surgery.  I told them that I was hoping it would change a little so we could try new things as well as go for dinner.  Talking with my friends was a good thing we are now talking about walking together and shopping second hand shops, massages, going for coffee etc.  I also told my friends that I would need there support to stay on the plan.  They also mentioned me having surgery as a motivator for them to try to lose a little weight.  We are going to try to work together on all of this and find rewards in non food things like a massage, psychic reading, shopping, hanging out or movie etc.  I know we will still go to dinner  I am in my 50's so I don't know if this would help someone alot younger or not.  Good luck  

Hi

i agree this does call for creative ideas and decisions!  Most of my family and friends are foodies.  We socialise with, and talk about, food and different recipes, restaurants and ethnic cooking and cultures.  I spend allot of time in Italy and France where food is considered an integral part of the culture......so.....

i was really worried when I had my surgery that my life would change dramatically.....I would not be able to sit at the table after dinner and talk about the food, discuss the wine, watch the different sweets being eaten and the espresso being drunk....

Much to my surprise I still do all the things I used to......I just choose differently at restaurants( plain food that I know what is in it, lots of fish that I ask them to grill, meat or chicken with the sauce on the side etc). At home, when I cook dinner for everyone I try to keep it simple with accompanying sides that I can avoid without people noticing, I usually have a desert with fruit on the side so it is not really noticeable if I only " graze "  on some berries through desert and coffee.  

I always carry a protein bar with me and usually 8-10 almonds so if I am really stuck at a restaurant or out walking around and there isn't an easy place to drop in for lunch or a snack, I don't worry and I don't feel deprived.  I always used to worry if I wasn't sure when and where and what I was going to eat next....not any more!

so...too long, I know, but I think there is no reason to give up a passion..... just try to manage it!  I have a great taste memory and if something looks really good I can remember the taste and smile and I often just stick my tongue in a glass of red wine and can taste it so well......yum!

Thanks for your post...it made me think about my restaurant going and my friends!

I don't want to sound negative, but it's sounds like your friends aren't respectful of your decision to change your life. If they are heavy, it could be they are jealous of your determination to do something for yourself they don't have the will or strength to do for themselves. It is hard to change our wiring- a few days post op my mom and I went to a support group and I found myself thinking "we can go eat afterwards" but I had to stop my own thinking. Be strong and when they suggest seeking the hot new restaurants, graciously decline. If you are not strong and don't stand up for yourself, you won't succeed. Your success is ultimately up to you!  Don't let "sabotagers" win!  It's very sad to think our friends don't want what's best for us, but it's likely another issue altogether. Stay strong. You can do this!!

I will always be a "foodie"and look forward to trying new restaurants when we travel.  I always enjoy the meal by being very selective in what I order.  There has never been a problem in finding a good meat selection.  Yes, a lot of carbs go to waste but that is my choice.  Sometimes I share a meal with my spouse or a friend.  I bring home leftovers when dining locally or if the hotel has a fridge.  There isn't a restaurant in town that I haven't figured out how to eat something off the menu that will satisfy the protein first.   I am a social person and continue to be active in all the organizations that I was in prior to surgery.  Everyone is use to how I eat so it is no longer a source of conversation.  Of course, there was a great deal of curiosity at first.  And, everyone seems to know someone or have a family member that has had WLS so I do get compared to "those others" but in a good way.  My friends seem happy for me as they see my continued success.  Social time is now more about the conversation rather than the food for me.  And, I am enjoying it much more now that my overall health is better with the wt loss.   I continue to cook meals for friends when they need one after surgery, childbirth, etc.  as I still love to cook.  I've reached the point where I can bake breads and sweets and not have to eat them.  And, I still love to entertain in my home and get to prepare the foods that I love to make and share with family and friends.  My family worried what the holidays would be like but have found there was no need for concern.   I have a pot roast with potatoes, carrots and onion in the oven for dinner.   The quantity of food I consume has changed in my life but not the quality.  However, I don't make the amount of sweets that I did prior to surgery because they don't get eaten on normal days.  The desserts come out for special occasions and holidays now rather than the dessert after each meal mentality I once had.  

Oh goodness! Been exactly where you are!!! In the past, I had friends who ONLY wanted to get together to eat, nothing else. I would practically beg them to exercise with me or catch a movie or go to the zoo or a concert, a park, the beach!!! Anything other than always going out to eat. Sad to say, I am no longer friends with most if them, because I decided to tell them that I had no desire to go out eating all the time due to trying to lose weight and live a healthier lifestyle. So, they stopped asking me out, which actually served as a HUGE favor to me, because I was able to stay on track and lose more weight. Even now, I still have friends who view socializing as an excuse to go out and eat. Being where I am now, I don't fight it as strongly as I once did, but it still bothers me that many of them are not interested in doing much of anything unless it revolves around food. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you and your friends. Maybe try a healthier place to dine and share an entree or take turns choosing/planning social events (dinner one eve and walking the next time, lunch one afternoon and a swim the next time???). Just a few ideas.