Relationship/jealousy issues after surgery common?

(deactivated member)
on 11/27/15 12:13 pm

I'm 8 mos. post op. I'm feeling and looking great, but my b/f has not been very supportive the last couple of months. Anyone else have these issues post op? I also find that some female  acquaintances will say, "oh you look like you've lost a little weight" "you actually should work out your bum and legs more" I've lost 80 lbs and hike 5 miles a day, like yhat isnt enough workout.! I sense alot of jealousy around me  amongst  the women ? Men are very complimentary towards me and my new look.. Care to share your stories and how you handled these siuations?

Cleopatra_Nik
on 11/27/15 12:20 pm - Baltimore, MD

I didn't have to deal with any snarkiness, but even if I had I'm sort of self-centered so it wouldn't have bothered me much to tell you the truth! I can't let others opinions of me affect me.

But I have heard others say that relationships changed for them because they used to be "the fat one." I think it's true that our identities are at least partly relational. When you cease being "the fat one" then who becomes the fat one? And when you are the friend who never got noticed, what does it mean to your other friends when you do? Those are natural feelings, I think, but I still think people have jerky ways of working through them. As for the boyfriend, he probably feels threatened. Other men are noticing you and he might think you are noticing them back. A heart-to-heart and reassurance that you are with HIM might work wonders.

But in general my advice, after eight years of living this life, is to be a bit self-centered. Focus on you. What others think has no bearing on your progress unless you let it. You know you work hard, that you're losing weight, that you look great. Work on seeking your validation from within. I know that's easier said than done but it's a good habit to form.

I don't need anybody to tell me I've done well, am pretty, sexy or anything else. I know those things about myself. If folks are openly negative, I confront them, asking what's wrong in THEIR lives that they feel the need to belittle me (because clearly I am not the problem in that scenario). If folks are passive aggressive I call them out by saying "Oh do you mean ____?" (the blank is precisely the thing they were trying to passively aggressively say). I find that knowing yourself well enough to dismiss negativity coupled with the willingness to confront people's ugliness can be intimidating. Intimidation, evil as it is, is good revenge. The old me would not have been bold enough to pull it off!

Hugs and good luck to you!

 

 

RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!

(deactivated member)
on 11/27/15 12:26 pm

Thanks for your kind words! I am a very outspoken person, so I have been biting my tongue lately! I won't hold back next time. 

Sharon SW-267
GW-165 CW-167 S.

on 11/29/15 8:45 am - PA
RNY on 12/22/14

Snarky comments should be laughed at or confronted.  "When you said ... , it came across as jealousy, is that what you intended?"  A little biting, but it usually stops it.

Also, just hiking might not be enough  you might need some weight training.

Sharon

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