Adjusting to my new body

Librarian67
on 8/15/17 8:26 am
RNY on 02/28/17

As of this morning I am just about a pound away from losing 100 pounds since my initial surgery consultation 6 months ago. I never imagined that it would happen, well, I did anticipate that I would lose some weight, but not this amount. I haven't weighed this much in almost 30 years. I am proud of myself and my efforts to get here. It hasn't been without effort, but the struggles have been worth it that's for sure.

The issue though is that I feel like a stranger in my own body. I don't know myself when I look in the mirror and I don't recognize my body when I touch my shoulder for example. I'm just not used to feeling bone rather than fat. It's a good feeling, but somewhat disconcerting too. People keep saying that they don't recognize me and honestly, I feel that way sometimes too. Overall, I'm not unhappy with my body with the loss, some saggy skin, but not as bad as it could be. I exercise alot and that has helped my body to adjust somewhat. I just don't know how to deal with the changes that are happening to the way my body looks and feels.

I'd love to hear how you vets and others have dealt with the changes to your body. Did it just take time to adjust to the difference in the mirror? I need to know that I'm not alone in feeling strange in my body.

HW: 248+, SW (RNY: 2/28/17): 244, GW (10/17): 125; LW: 115; 45# regain (19-20); CW: 135.6; new goal: 135; Plastics: Ext mastopexy, Ext abdominoplasty-5/18/2018; diagnosed w/ gastroparesis 11/20.

RNY_elizabeth
on 8/15/17 8:36 am - TX
RNY on 10/06/15

A definitely felt like a stranger in a strange land. I often would describe the feeling as waking up one morning in a robot body. I am still me inside but the shell I am moving about in felt totally foreign. I can say that it is getting better. Now I feel like I am in my body and liking this body. I don't always get surprised when I catch a glimpse of my reflection or see myself in photos. For me, time was the thing that work the best.

~Elizabeth

Consultation weight: 265, Surgery date: 10/6/15, Goal: 150, Current weight: 129; 5'5, 46 years old

"I am basically food's creepy ex-girlfriend. I know we can't be together anymore but I just want to spend time hanging out" ~me, about why I love cooking so much post WLS

pr31
on 8/15/17 9:03 am

I think we all can relate to that feeling. I've looked in a mirror/window as I've walked by and wondered who that person is. I have issues relating to the space I take up. i.e. this weekend we were in a situation where we had to fit through a tight space. DH had a pretty tough time fitting in. I looked at the space and thought "I don't know if I'll fit." It was a breeze and I had plenty of room to spare. It takes time for our heads to catch up to our bodies.

Surgery Date June 3, 2016

HW: 329 W at first consult 290. SW 238, LW 128, CW 139

peachpie
on 8/15/17 10:52 am - Philadelphia, PA
RNY on 04/28/15

I have mostly the reverse experience. I never saw myself as morbidly obese. Yeah I knew I was overweight, fat, whatever; but I did not see what the camera showed me. The person I see now (physical form, not health state) is what I willed myself to believe was existing. talk about screwed up thinking?!!

When people say they don't recognize me, I get confused as to why. I'm who I always was in my head. Logically, I know such a large weight loss is difficult for others to comprehend, but for me- I'm just finally at the apparent fairy tale I set up in my head. So everything is odd for me cause its bewildering what I allowed my mind to believe before vs. the reality of before.

I saw an interesting self-image practice on TV. They had women draw out a free hand sketch of what they think their shape is on a life-size piece of paper. Then they stood against the image they drew, and someone else traced their actual shape. The differences were interesting.

5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI

pammieanne
on 8/15/17 11:29 am - OK
RNY on 05/16/16

So I would totally not be able to do that self-image practice, because I can't draw to save my life! LOL

I kind of fit right here with you. I always feel a bit bewildered when people say I've changed that much. Sure I've lost some weight, but I always looked great in my mind...

That is, until the pictures came out... then I would be like who the HELL is that??!! I couldn't believe what I really looked like.

Now, I'm somewhere between not recognizing myself in a quick glance of a mirror or reflection, and sitting there thinking 'folks, this was me all along, what's your problem?!"

Height 5'5" HW 260 SW 251 CW 141.6 (2/27/18)

RNY 5-16-16 Pre-Op 9lbs, M1-18.5lbs, M2-18.1lbs, M3-14.8lbs, M4-10.4lbs, M5-9.2lbs, M6-7lbs, M7-6.2lbs, M8-8.8lbs,M9-7.8lbs, M10-1 lb, M11-.6lbs, M12-4.4lbs

Grim_Traveller
on 8/15/17 12:43 pm
RNY on 08/21/12

My self image would be the skinniest man in the world. All I can do are stick figures.

6'3" tall, male.

Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.

M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.

Sylvia G.
on 8/15/17 2:32 pm
RNY on 07/26/17

I am exactly the same way. I heard it called "the skinny pig" lie. It's like ...I'm a pig and pigs are fat, but noooo not me! I'm a skinny pig. I've thought as myself as not 'that' fat...yeah, I'm overweight...obese? I think not. But the TRUTH of the matter is that at 5'7" 275 (HW) I am fat. Obese. Morbidly Obese as my pre-surgical paperwork said. Those are my truths. No more lying to myself.

The good news is that 3 weeks ago I took a major step to reconcile the way I see myself with how I will be.

H.A.L.A B.
on 8/15/17 11:52 am

This I call body dismorphia. I had it at my high weight and at my lowest. Somewhere in a middle my mental image matched my body image. When I was at my biggest - I never saw myself "THAT big",unless I saw pictures of me. And I avoided them. Actually - seeing pictures of me made on Christmas of 2007, and the new year party 2007/08 made such a huge impact on me that I decided to have WLS.

Once I was losing weight - my mental body remained rather large, compared to what I actually looked like. Again - I had problem seeing myself as I was - skinny. At size 4, below goal I felt fat. Seeing myself in a mirror was shocking. pictures were sometimes even more shocking. I had a few that even I thought I looked too thin.

Counseling helped. Plus taking a lot of pictures and having them handy. Pictures taken with people that i saw as normal-skinny - so I can see a comparison. It took me app 2-3 years for my mental body image to get close enough to what I look like. What really helped me and it is helping me even now - it is to make sure that my clothes are the right size for me - not too big- not too small. When I got o my goal - my therapist suggested I buy a couple full size mirrors and put them where i have to pass by them a few times a day every day. That way I was reinforcing my current "image" of myself.

I am now 9 years post op and i still have one of the mirrors that is in a direct path from my bedroom to the kitchen. I walk towards it at least a few times a day every day. That helps even now when I have days that I "feel fat". It reinforces the "I am normal looking lady".

Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG

"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"

"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."

Jen876
on 8/16/17 6:10 am
RNY on 06/14/17

I've had the same thoughts as most of the replies here. I am only 2 months post op but have always thought i wasn't as big as the pictures showed. I knew I was overweight but never truly felt I was morbidly obese. I used to compare my size by seeing how much space I had left in a seat (if any) and then seeing what the size of the chair was when I was not in it and thought to myself, wow my butt is that wide. Now I have only lost 46 lbs since my pre-op diet started. I've been stalled for 2 weeks almost. I can see the difference in pictures and in my clothes and everyone tells me I look like I've lost so much. I don't feel like I am any better though. I still compare my butt to the seat to judge how wide my body is. I still see how far my stomach sticks out. I know it is early on, but I am constantly judging myself and telling myself it's not good enough. I compared myself to the other women at the water aerobics class I took last night. I am still completely embarrassed by the size of my body. Hopefully, as time goes on and I get to a more normal and healthy body size, this will improve. I think the full size mirrors is a great idea. Taking pictures beside people you view as a "normal" or healthy body size would probably also help. I guess it is just all part of the process. I think any constant reminder of what you are now compared to what you were then would eventually make it sink in.

HonestOmnivore
on 8/16/17 9:50 am
RNY on 03/29/17

I do the "how wide is this seat" test all the time. I used to laugh at myself because my butt covered the width of my car seat yet there was NO WAY I felt THAT big!

My butt still covers most of the car seat but there is some visible seat on each side - not a lot but some!

5'4" 49yrs at surgery date

SW - 206 CW - 128
M1 - 20lb M2 - 9 lb M3 - 7 lb M4 - 7 lb M5 - 7 lb M6 - 6 lb M7 - 4 lb M8 - 1 lb M9 - 2 lb M10 - 4 lb M11 - 0lb M12 - 3lb M13 - 0 lb M14 - 2 lb M15 - 0 lb M16 - 3 lb

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