The MENTAL Game... random musings of a newbie

3 weeks out tomorrow and I have already had some fascinating observations into my behaviors that were huge contributing factors to my weight...

1. Almost every single errand, dr. appointment, shopping trip etc. was associated with a drive-thru or food stop. As I turn out of commonly visited locations, my mind immediately wants to turn the car in the familiar direction of my favorite stop for that particular spot. Almost everything was associated with some kind of food stop.
2. So much of my eating at home was based on habit. A couple evenings as I am relaxing on the couch, I find myself getting up, going to the pantry and staring at the "snack shelf". I'm not hungry, I'm not really craving anything, but it's as if my body has trained itself to go there on auto-pilot. So I stood there and stared, thinking about this behavior, fascinated. Then went back to the couch. I think it's like the smoker who craves not just the nicotine, but also is drawn to the ritual of getting the cigarette, holding it, lighting it. (I don't smoke but both my parents were smokers so that's the closest thing I can relate it to).
3. Saturday, I had my first real "Oh my God, what have I done to myself!" moment. I was having a horrible day - kids acting out of control, trying to get the house ready for an influx of my husband's family for a birthday party, stayed up too late the night before because of some discomfort in my stomach/esophagus? - in general just beside myself. I gave the kids a snack of peanut butter filled pretzels (a common thing for me to grab). I suddenly had a desperate urge to start shoving them in my mouth. Angry eating. It was my first real wake-up call to how much I depended on food as my coping mechanism.

I have never had this kind of insight into my weight issues before (not with any kind of diet program, therapy, etc.). It took this huge step to really highlight these behaviors - I am gaining a new level of awareness of the person I am and how my addiction to food has shaped me and my life. Not to mention my body. ;)

Crazy....

That is really interesting. I'm only 2 weeks out but have noticed similar. When cooking, baking whatever all the bites of things I was taking. All the times I went to grab a snack when stressed or angry. It is shocking.

I relate to every point you made here.

• Anytime I'm on the subway I want to stop and grab a pretzel and a donut, cause, that just what commuters do. They grab food fast while they hustle & bustle.
• My habit eating is after work-- more like decompress my day by eating.
• Angry eating, sad eating, bored eating-- I truly learned what 'emotional' eating meant!

Important realizations!

Great insights!

I remember how hard it was for me to drive past the pizza place down the street when I was a new post op, as I uses to stop there so often for their soft garlic/cheese bread sticks. They were my all time favourite treat, and making that turn was a deeply ingrained habit.

Going to our cottage without a truckload of junk food for the first time was another eye opener.

I also ate to celebrate happy times, soothe bad or angry moods, and from boredom.

I've learned I can say no, and do without, but if I am around lots of tempting foods for too many days in a row, I will become extremely angry. I don't eat it, but I get super mad that I still want to, and super mad that it's there, tempting me.

So that happened to me this weekend. We were at a band competition all day long... people walking past me ALL DAY LONG with things like Nachos, frito chili pies, hot dogs, chips, pretzels, popcorn... and the list goes on and on.

I actually found myself irritated (and seemingly hungry), and even more frustrated that I didn't have any gum with me! (My usual helpful alternative) We left at break and went to Buffalo Wild Wings... and I stopped for gum. 4-5 hours later I was munching on the leftover wings while everyone else looked on in jealousy... several people made comments about my wings... and I was one happy camper while they were still eating their junk - not that wings are the perfect healthy food... but... Ha! LOLOL (Yes, I ate wings 4-5 hours after I originally ate them... no, I didn't get sick - thank goodness!)

Oh yum, wings! I haven't tried them yet and am looking forward to seeing if I can handle them. We have a wing place down the street that sells wings for only 25 cents each on Wednesday and Fridays. I used to get honey garlic and hot wings, and they were so good. I can't have honey garlic anymore but they said they don't add sugar to the hot wings so I can try those.

Gum helps me a lot too.

You can always get them plain and ask for the sauce on the side (I do garlic Parmesan at some places, and then dry rubs at a few places, but never anything sweet).

And make sure they aren't breaded (and those things they call 'boneless' wings... those just irritate me because they aren't wings at all!), and pick your sauces carefully...

And don't be too bummed if you don't like them as much at first. The first couple of times I had them after surgery #1 I could barely eat 1-2... and then the consistency was all wrong in my mouth and I didn't enjoy them at all! I was sad!!!

Gum is my savior, and often times it helps me in between meals!

I definitely shared many of these realizations about myself the first 6 months after surgery. Totally relate. Figuring out ways to socialize without it being centered around eating was tough for me. I realized that almost every gathering of friends or family I planned was food related... at a restaurant, meal together at home, gaming and snacks, or whatever. I think this is the part of the journey that actually makes the lasting changes happen. Congrats on seeing these things in a new way!

~Elizabeth

Congrats on your revelations! That's the kind of stuff that is really hard after surgery. The surgery is honestly the easy part for most of us. It is learning new ways to live that is harder.

I started a journal before surgery and those are the kind of ah-ha's that I write about sometimes. You might find journal writing helpful.

Yes, I just posted last week about cravings and how much mindless eating I do while preparing family meals and making my son's lunch. When I get gas I walk around the store just scanning the aisles even though I will not buy anything or really want any of it. I also open the cabinets and fridge over and over at night but don't really want anything.

I wish more people would talk about this stuff and the emotions that go along with it.

My anxiety has been way up since surgery at times as I learn how to deal with not stuffing everything down with food.