My surgery is one week from today, and I am terrified. I'm having a really difficult time sticking to the pre-op diet (it's not a liquid diet, it's more like a low fat, low carb Atkins diet). When I say that I'm cheating I don't mean that I'm bingeing or eating really high fat things like pizza and cake, I mean that I'll eat a couple of crackers in addition to the 1 piece of whole wheat bread (at breakfast only) that I'm allowed.
I'm not snacking because I'm craving or hungry, it's because I'm nervous about the surgery and I don't know how to process these emotions. Can anyone relate?
I feel so stupid admitting this, but I don't think it's the surgery I'm afraid of, I think it's the possible success afterwards. I'm not afraid that I'll fail, I'm afraid that I'll succeed. Does that make any sense at all?
What you are feeling is perfectly normal and we all have been there! If you have lived most of your life as a large person and lose all your weight you will be in new territory. But, it can be fun, an adventure. Just think of all the things you will be able to do that your weight has been holding you back? I to this day have a weight loss bucket list. Make one! When you succeed you will be so busy living life you won't have to worry!
Here are some links to information you may find helpful:
We can't wait to hear from you post-op!
HW:330 - GW:150 - MW:118-125
RW:190 - CW:130
One of the reasons for a pre-op diet is to shrink your liver and get you to a lower weight which makes surgery easier for your surgeon. So just think about making your body the best possible version of itself to give your surgeon the best possible scenario once he makes those tiny incisions and gets to work :)
I remember being about a month out after surgery - on solid foods, losing weight, feeling energy return...I had an awful day at work and got home in time for dinner. Prior to RNY, I would have coped with anxiety (and loneliness, anger, happiness, etc) by eating a medium pizza followed by some Ben and Jerry's. Post-op, I cooked up a chicken sausage and was STUFFED after half. It was an aha moment, realizing I could no longer eat my feelings.
Many people see a counselor to deal with the crazy head stuff we all have going on. You are not the first to self-sabotage, but try to think of something you can do to stay away from the food while you wait the following week. Go for a walk. Take up knitting. Make a list of places you want to visit when you lose weight. Make a list of things that will be better in your life when you are hauling around less weight (knees stop hurting, off diabetes meds, done with CPAP, etc.). Don't be scared of success - run to it! Going from 350 lbs to 160 lbs was the best thing I ever did for myself and I would have RNY on a monthly basis if that's what was required to keep this feeling of well-being, of being able to move around in the world so easily, to not worry about the strength of the chairs at a restaurant, to not have a panic attack when I get assigned a middle seat on an airplane...the list is endless!
My thoughts: cheating is super easy, change is super hard. The first few months of weight loss are easy, the rest of the months following are hard again. WLS was especially terrifying because it promised hard-to-fathom success. Wrapping my brain around hopes and dreams was an overwhelming concept to take in after years of feeling like nothing but a obesity-trapped failure. I thought, "did I deserve help when obesity is a self-inflicted disease?" All in all, I am grateful for the help, cherish my second chance, pay it forward, and will always feel like I owe the medical community, my family, and myself in making WLS as close to a success as I can. PEACE TO YOU.
Many of us were worried and nervous before surgery. After being heavy my whole life a life as a normal sized person was a huge scary unknown. I was more comfortable with the known I guess:diabetes and blood pressure and cholesterol meds,daily knee and back pain,and using food to deal with just about any emotion. I almost talked myself out of surgery. Luckily I didn't! At the time of my surgery over 5 years ago,I had diabetes,high cholesterol and uncontrolled high blood pressure. I was winded going down my basement steps. I had isolated myself and rarely got out at all as I couldn't keep up with my family. I weighed 273 at my highest. Today I weigh between 118 and 123 and my health issues are resolved. I've done so many unexpected things:taken obedience classes with my boxer,becom a lay speaker at church,taken a concealed carry class with a room full of strangers and traveled all over with hubby in our RV. Every day is a challenge as I fight to make good choices--but I am succeeding and you can too. I've learned new ways to cope with boredom and emotions and learned so much about my self on this journey and look forward to many healthy years ahead. Use this week to make some goals and set your heart and mind to attain them. Before and after pic to follow.