Toxic family has to go

Lucile777
on 12/30/17 10:54 am

hello all. I am 9 weeks post op. Now that I'm not turning to food to deal with my emotions I am very aware of when I'm spoken to in a rude tone or am not appreciated or when I'm taken for granted. You see, I had a very disfunctional family situation growing up where my mother was the root of it and us siblings never had a positive or warm relationship. I guess there's a lot of pent up anger that's surfacing because I'm not burying it in a big bag of chips. My brother spoke to me with sarcasm and a rude tone after all the wrongs he's done in his life (gambling addict) so I guess I had just had enough. I stopped talking to him while he was at my house and I am ok with never seeing him again. I have to rid my life of the toxicity that got me here in the first place. If it doesn't feel natural then it's not meant to be. For those of you out there who have strong family bonds I envy you. Consider yourself lucky. This process has finally allowed me to be in sync with myself and my needs. All that matters now is me, my kids, and my husband. Happy new year. I am leaving this toxicity behind in 2017.

p.s. He's having a baby and I offered to help with the baby shower but I'm not doing it anymore. I am empowering myself not to be used or taken for granted.

peachpie
on 12/30/17 11:19 am - Philadelphia, PA
RNY on 04/28/15

You know, it wasn't until I met my husband and introduced him to my family that he made me realize the constant jabs, insults etc about my weight were not normal. When you grow in a certain setting you accept it as normal-- or sheild yourself from the reality of it with food. You're so right that this process reveals everything we tried to cope through with food.

It's a hard balance to strike, preserving your own well-being and maintaining external relationships. Good luck.

5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI

White Dove
on 12/30/17 1:35 pm

You just have to decide what you are willing to accept. When it comes to family hurting us, here are no victims, just volunteers.

Real life begins where your comfort zone ends

aesposito
on 12/30/17 3:25 pm

Bravo. You are accountable to no one but yourself and your health. When I figured that out, my family relationships (those that remained) actually got better, I became a better mother, I dumped a husband/gained a true partner, and dropped 180 pounds through surgery, diet and exercise.

I truly no longer care what others think (it's easy to say, but hard to do), I say what I think, and I am told that makes me actually more interesting and exciting to be around than when I enabled all that bad, toxic behavior with my silence and bag of Doritos.

Let them blame weight loss, or surgery, or whatever. You know the truth. They are not healthy for you, and you have finally figured it out. Again, bravo!

Audrey

Highest weight: 340
Surgery weight: 313
Surgery date: 10/24/11
Current weight 165... 185 pounds lost!!!!

I am not a doctor, but I play one at work.

SReg
on 12/30/17 8:38 pm
RNY on 12/20/17 with

Good for you, but don't just count on your husband - it's too much for one person. Find other people you can go to for certain things, so you build a strong network that won't fail even if an individual piece falters.

Jody H.
on 1/2/18 7:20 pm - Des Moines, IA

I like the self-awareness of the triggers. Good for you. While you are focused on this journey it is important to protect your heart and mind and keep it focused on your new health lifestyle and the changes you are dealing with.

On my journey, eventually I noticed dysfunction doesn't happen in a vaccuum and you will eventually figure out you will need to learn to deal with difficult people without using it as an excuse to throw you off track (unless you live on an island ?).

Wishing you strength and confidence, happiness and peace, boundaries, love and abundant grace in 2018.

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