Explaining Surgery To Kids

DJ_Dan
on 8/19/18 3:45 pm
RNY on 09/19/18

Hello - what did y'all tell your kids about your surgery? I have an 11 and 6 year old and I'm not sure how to explain it.

Maddymoe2
on 8/19/18 4:02 pm
RNY on 11/22/16

My kids were older, 18 and 20. I was just honest. I told them I was doing this surgery to be healthier. They had seen me struggle with my weight their whole lives.

hollykim
on 8/19/18 5:11 pm - Nashville, TN
Revision on 03/18/15
On August 19, 2018 at 10:45 PM Pacific Time, DJ_Dan wrote:

Hello - what did y'all tell your kids about your surgery? I have an 11 and 6 year old and I'm not sure how to explain it.

I would tell them my stomach was not working properly and I was going in to have it fixed.

What would you tell them if you were going on to have a broken leg fixed?

Same thing.

 


          

 

peachpie
on 8/19/18 5:39 pm - Philadelphia, PA
RNY on 04/28/15

I'm not a fan of telling them it's not working properly-- it's not true and I think you should be as truthful as is reasonable for the age. If I told my kids my stomach wasn't working properly they would ask why not, and assume they were at risk for the same thing that 'ales' me.

5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI

hollykim
on 8/20/18 7:46 am - Nashville, TN
Revision on 03/18/15

it is my opinion that the stomachs of the morbidly obese don't work properly.

That could happen from many reasons,because we stretched them way larger than they were ever meant to be,which causes them to hold more than they were designed to hold,making them not work properly,cause they can now hold too much food.

Some ppls processing time is too quick,meaning the food leaves their stomach very quickly,making them feel hungry all the time. This too quick emptying means the stomach is not working properly.

I see your point but I stand by my point too.

 


          

 

peachpie
on 8/19/18 5:36 pm - Philadelphia, PA
RNY on 04/28/15

You know your kids best and what they can/can't handle, or the amount of worry they may wrap themselves in.

My kids were 12 and 11 when I had surgery. I told them that I needed to lose weight, and surgery would help me do that. I showed them the diagram from my surgeons binder so they could visualize what would be done. Told them I'd be on a special diet for a while then could only eat small amounts after. They were mostly condemned with how long I'd be in the hospital. (I did FaceTime them so they could see I was ok)

Do not justify the surgery- don't say that it'll make you a better Dad (cause to them you are the best and they may internalize it thinking they are the issue). Don't tell them until you are absolutely sure it's a go-- they don't need to be in the roller coaster of approval with you. Answer their questions simply.

5'6.5" High weight:337 Lowest weight:193/31 BMI: Goal: 195-205/31-32 BMI

Laura in Texas
on 8/19/18 6:53 pm

Mine were 3 and 5 at the time. I told them I was having surgery to make my stomach smaller to help me lose weight and get healthier. I was matter of fact and did not make a big deal about it or talk about it much.

Laura in Texas

53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)

RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis

brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco

"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."

momyshaver
on 8/20/18 2:18 am
VSG on 06/28/17

I have children ranging in age from 3 to 19, so when I had my first bariatric surgery it was over a year ago at this point. Of course what your oldest will understand is different than what your youngest will understand so maybe you could speak to them individually as you know your children best. Do you think they would not understand a direct and honest explanation about surgery?

I already had health issues that were made worse by my weight. My children knew I had been sick and dealing with those issues. I told them that I needed to lose weight (true) because the extra weight was making my health worse and losing the weight would possibly be key in helping these things not get worse and might help make them better (true). They were worried about me having surgery but I just listened to them and addressed their concerns the best I could. I let them know that I believed the surgery to be safer and in general better in the long term but that if I stayed overweight my health would get worse. I have tried to keep it about health post op. I don't want my children thinking fat = bad or that surgery is the only way to be healthy or lose weight as I have had complications, but that weight loss surgery is one way to lose weight and that I had tried to lose weight in the past and did, but never could keep it off. Many don't, but you should be prepared how you might handle those conversations too. I have been honest with my children but I have had to deal with calming anxieties for them as well as dealing with my own fears. That wasn't something I was planning on of course but I am just being honest.

seattledeb
on 8/20/18 4:08 am

My son was 7 and I don't remember telling him much about it. He stayed at grandma's house for 5 days and continued on with his daily routines.

He became annoyed with me about a year later when I continued to ask him if he wanted my leftovers. He's an alien creature who does not eat when he's not hungry. He knows what food I can eat. He keeps his Oreos in his room..

I repeated that when he was 11 and I had my kidney transplant. Back to grandma's house and his normal life. He came and visited me once in the hospital for about 10 minutes and then was ready to go. His world is so much more exciting to him than mom's health.

Theduffman27
on 8/20/18 8:43 am
VSG on 11/19/14

I was honest and let them know that my current health was not well and that I was at a point where medication and diet were not working for me. I was on 6 medications including insulin and 4 years later continue to be medication free. They were nervous about me having surgery, but understood the rest. They were 14 and 19 at the time of surgery.

  1. Pre- Surgery/ Type 2 Diabetes, High BP and Cholesterol, treated with 6 medications, including Insulin. Post Op- low dose BP med 2022, Mounjaro 10/2023

HW - 299 , Consult day weight - 277, Day of surgery ( 11/19/2014) - 259,LW - 178, GW - 190, CW- 194.4 - 4.4 lbs to goal

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