I wanted to let you know I wrote that post yesterday after a very long day.  And I'm sure I came across as curt and uncaring, but I'm not.  We are sisters actually in our struggle to make the mind accept what we don't believe ourselves (and I know that makes so little sense!).  I don't think you have body dysmorphia (or me for that matter), I think we have number dysmorphia (if there is such a thing!).  Something deep inside us wants, needs, and requires validation by hitting a certain number and we can drive our selves to cloud ****oo land trying to get there.  I work on it every damn day.  And I sigh a lot! Did you hear that?  That's me sighing -- for myself, for friends like you, and for everyone who is driven by numbers:  weight, size, portion, carbs, fat, pace, lifting weights, speed, calories, aye-yai-yai!  See where I'm going? 

I think maybe the only thing that has been my savior (for lack of a better word) is my ability to say **** it, that and my age (damn which is another friggin' number!).  I'm not content where I am, but I am pleased and happy and I like myself and my fitness and my health and my attitude and my stamina and my muscles and all those things that aren't tied to numbers.  So I balance everyday the need for numbers (achievement) and the "let's be happy now" (satisfaction).  It's a precarious balance. 

But here's the one thing I do know (and yes, I feel like Oprah when I say that).  I am in control here!  My happiness, my satisfaction, my balance, my obsessions, my numbers, my life -- it's all in my hands and I'm driving the damn vehicle.  So many times I just have to get outta my own way and let the sense of accomplishment wash over me and override all those anxiety filled notions that can run rampant if I lose focus and take my hands off the steering column. 

Anyway, I think you are outstanding!  Wonderful!  Awesome! and YOU are a force to be reckoned with any day!  And you know what?  I too read the person of whom you speak and I cry BULL****  I am in control, if I gain weight then I can lose the weight.  Because I trust myself to be vigilent and not put my headback in the sand and give up.  I am strong, I am invincible (I hear Helen Reddy in the background singing I am Woman!  ~dating myself there~) and I can be whatever I want to be.  And I don't ever see this journey ending.  Because it's in the living and doing and maintaining and gaining and loving and losing that I am the person who I always wanted to be.  Being in touch and living -- not being absent in my own life.  That's the process and the process of being here and real and mindful is the key for me. 

As Dorrie says in Finding Nemo, "Keep on Swimming"  So Ms. Rose Queen I say to you -- keep on swimming, and keep on, my friend, keep on keeping on!

edited to add:  oh hell yeah we are sisters then -- you mean everyone doesn't tinkle while running?  I swear I help keep the Poise industry in the black!

I'm just coming up on two years out. I eat three meals and two snacks per day. I eat a healthy diet of protein, whole grains, fruits, veggies, and usually a small sweet treat of dark chocolate/fat free cocoa each evening....it's a calming ritual for me. I get about 100-120 grams of protein a day, make sure I get healthy fats, and don't demonize carbs. I don't do white carbs and mostly stick with whole grains and complex carbs. Somedays I can eat a whole bunch and some days the pouch just doesn't like food (I listen closely when she speaks). I still have a very good restriction and I've learned to respect the limits of how much I eat. I eat healthily and quite normal, and I truly have embraced a healthy diet lifestyle. Sure I have demons that I still struggle with, but keeping the focus on finding and living healthy and happy really gives me a great deal of perspective.

As for exercise, that is my shining star! I work out six days a week, and I love my active lifestyle. I run, bike, walk, swim, go to the gym, kayak, play softball, garden, hike, do yoga and pilates, meditate, and lift heavy weights. I challenge myself with fitness goals and actively pursue new challenges (training for a Hero Rush race, and a half marathon, and working on building the strength to do pull-ups and chin-ups!) I believe strong women stay healthy, fit and young, plus there's something very empowering about having the ability to have a powerful, healthy and strong body as I reach the middle of my fifth decade.

I've said it before, and I'll never stop saying this (because this truly is a life philosophy I espouse): I have a vision of myself to be the best me I can be, to be a healthy, active, trim and fit older woman, who lives smack dab in the middle of her life and not on the sidelines. That vision I have of my life means I eat healthy most of the time, continue to follow my program's eating guidelines, I take my vitamins, I stay focused and positive, and I am an active older woman who loves her life and stays challenged by exploring new pathways, passions and fitness opportunities.

Honestly I don't know what may be causing bloating.  But to me it sounds as if you need to make an appointment with your program's registered dietician and find out what might be the culprit. 

I will say that the bloating I experience occasionally is a direct effect from carb overload or sugar alcohols. 

I was single by choice for over 20 years (after two marriages that didn't make it). I didn't actively date when I was morbidly obese because I did not have the confidence, nor sex appeal, to want to or be involved with the opposite sex. That was purely my choice, however.

Once I felt sexually attractive after losing 145 lbs I began exploring on-line dating sites. Again, this was my choice to wait until I had a level of confidence in my sexuality. Being in my 50s and dating was and is quite liberating, and the hormones that were surging with the weight loss, kept on surging. Also the freedom that being older and more comfortable with my body and no longer worrying about conception potential creates a very liberating mindset.

I dated a few men last summer and had a fun time finding out what I liked, what I didn't like, what my standards would be and getting my sea legs (dating legs) so to speak. I do think that anyone who participates in the online dating scene has to develop pretty thick skin and have a high level of self-confidence otherwise it has the potential to be very depressing (especially as an older woman).

I am very private about my weight loss journey. I haven't shared my story with but 9 people, and that's by choice and my choice. I started dating a fella last September and when I knew there was a relationship potential with us, I did share with him my weight loss story. Since this was a man I was going to get nekkid with, I wanted to be upfront with him. But I play the whole story of my weight loss journey very casually. My being with him is the me I am now, not the then me. He cares about the present me, and never knew the old me. He's is however more intrigued with the differences in our eating habits than I am (i eat three meals and three defined snacks, whereas he's a one meal plus grazer kind of guy), and conversely my fitness habits are rubbing off on him. We are happy together and very accepting of each other and our life stories and histories much because of our age and experiences.

Will it last or lead to something long term...I don't know. I am, however, enjoying the hell out of being fit, trim, active and healthy and in a relationship where both partners enjoy living in the present and making the best lives for ourselves as we move forward. So that's my dating story. I wish you much luck in your continued successful journey and adventures in dating.

B:  kashi go lean/skim milk/bacon/tomato/cantaloupe

L:  southwest grilled chicken salad/mineola

S: pistachio/balance bar mini

D:  homemade GF pepperoni pizza/salad

S:  FF hot chocolate/string cheese

 

Did a quick and strong workout at lunch.  Feel great! Tomorrow is running and yoga!  Love me my Fridays!

Have you checked out Bell Plantation's website for their healthy (and unhealthy - oh my) recipes?  They are the manufacturer of PB2.

http://www.bellplantation.com/recipes/cat/healthy/

This ^^ totally. 

The number is just a snap shot of a moment in time and another tool to use in our on-going quest to be healthy and fit.

B:  1/2 whole wheat eng muffin/peanut butter/turkey sausage

S:  greek yogurt/banana

L:  tukey meatballs/green beans/NSA pears

S:  pure protein bar

D:  chicken stir-fry/brown rice

S:  FF hot chocolate/protein ice cream

Exercise:  going to the employee gym after work to do some interval training and some weight lifting.  Love Friday's at the gym 'cause that's MY happy hour!

this ^^ totally! 

And as an aside, original poster:  muscle is much more dense that an equal amount of fat.  So when you add muscle (and lose fat), your legs will get smaller not larger (unless you are doing mega steriods and pumping HUGE amounts of weight).  Here's a mental picture:  one pound of muscle may appear to be the size of baseball; one pound of fat will be three times that size and look like a squiggly bowl of Jell-O.

I'm an adovate for finding out what will work for you -- by making informed choices having a broad base of knowledge.  That being said, here's what I suggest.  Take the time to find out what your Resting Metabolic Rate is.  There are lots of web sites that have calculators, or you can get yourself tested usually at a fitness center/hospital.  Once you know what you burn when you are just resting, then add in your exercise calories (remember that gym machines notoriously overestimate your burn).  Once you have a baseline for how many calories you are burning on an average day, you need to adjust your caloric intake to produce a weight loss.  The amount of calories to invoke a weight loss totally depends on how many calories you burn in a day, which of course is influenced by your activity, your resting metabolism, your age, your lean body mass, etc.  But honestly, until you have a good knowledge of your numbers, it's hard to know what will work for you. 

AND, that being said, I think 1,000 calories is way too few in a day.  Even 1,200 is probably on the low side.  But then again, I don't know what your RMR is or how many calories you burn in a day through exercise.  Data is knowledge!  You need data to find out what will work.  Or you can just futz around and try this and that and never really know what exactly is working.  It's your choice of course.

AND, that being said, I wear a body media armband and know on any given day how many calories I burn (+/- 10% for accuracy).  I log all my food in MyFitnessPal. So I know on any given day if I have a calorie deficit or calorie overage. (and just for an example:  I burn amywhere from 1,900 to 2400 calories per day, and I eat approximately 1,800 to 1900 calories per day.  That gives me a very small calorie deficient and my weight loss is less than pound a week, more like a couple of pounds a month and I'm totally cool with that!) And as you get closer to goal, those small, small deficits and overages have a lasting impact.  I also know that if I eat too little I can't sustain the level of activity I've chosen for my lifestyle.  Yes, I want to lose more weight, but more important than that for me, is I want to be fit, healthy and active.  And by slowly losing more weight, I can maintain my activity level, eat healthily, and continue to lose weight slowly. But that's me, you may have a different goal completely.  Regardless, you really need to know what your numbers are and how to best maximize them for your goals.

So, get your metabolism tested, log all your activity correctly, log all your food honestly (every bite, lick and taste) and then do some knolwedge acquisition to find out what it will take for you to lose the weight you want. 

For me personally, I know my journey will never be done.  The focus that I need daily in maintaining, losing or becoming more fit, is the journey I've chosen for the rest of my life.  It's my focus and will always be such.  And knowing that it is my focus is what frees me from being the formerly morbidly obese (read: unknowing, head buried in the sand) person I was.

Sorry for the TMI ~grin~.  Ideas:  eat more, eat healthily, get a grip on your caloric needs, adjust them accordingly to promote a consistent weight loss, don't stagnate in your eating patterns or workout patterns, keep active, keep pushing the fitness envelope, and keep enjoying the sweetness of the this fantastic ride. 

Girl, you've got to get right in your own head!  As many have said, until you like yourself (and not just the physicality of you) you ain't gonna believe that there are folk out there who will like/love/want you for the person you are regardless of the lumps, bumps and jiggly bits.  And I think your feelings are really, really normal.  We are bombarded daily with pictures of perfection and beauty and we believe that beautiful folk can "have it all."  And that just ain't right!  But society and media still keep up the bombardment.

Here's what I suggest (and your mileage may vary on this completely), go hang out in the women's locker room at your gym.  And keep an eye on what normal women look like.  Trust me, they aren't models, they haven't been air brushed, and they may or may not share your opinion about their beauty.  But their bodies will give you an idea of what normal women (who are married and in relationships and who are single) look like and how they carry themselves.  It will affirm for you how women truly look.  Remember, self-worth is a whole lot more important than beauty. 

I was single, obese and not in a relationship for nigh on twenty years.  I've lost the weight and I've got all the jiggles and wobbly bits and scars that most of us without plastics carry.  But I've also got parts of me that are superb, wonderful and could stack up well against any model or airbrushed photo -- like my shoulders, the curve of my waist, my collar bones and my smile.  And knowing that and having a level of confidence and personal happiness enabled me to find a fella who likes just those things, my mind, my enthusiasm, my shoulders, and heck yeah, even some of my wobbly bits.  I dealt with the getting nekkid part by leveling with him when it came time to get nekkid.  I leveled with him about my insecurities and my less than perfect parts, and he's never said a untoward or unkind word about it.  As a matter of fact, it helped cement our desires for each other.

So yeah, find some confidence, find some worth, find some really great things about yourself and stop relying on media images of perfection to judge your own personal beauty.  Love yourself above all else and go with a confidence...that's a killer combination for attracting and finding love, companionship and a path out of and away from self-loathing.

Bit hungry today so:

B:  egg/eng muffin/turkey sausage/banana

L: taco cupcakes/lima beans/chobani yogurt

D: protein pancakes

S: FF hot chocolate/protein bar

Today for fitness I've got strength training; cardio (walking and stairmill), and some good stretching!

Let's see today:

B:  egg/WPF low-carb toast/turkey sausage/banana

L:  chicken pot pie/black-eyed peas

S:  greek yogurt/boiled egg

D:  taco casserole/salad

S:  FF hot chocolate/protein bar

 

Exercise:  upper/lower body weights; 30 minutes HIIT cardio