I am so where you are right now except I haven't even seen the doctor yet for my initial consult. My husband had wls last january and he is doing great. He has lost an abundant amount of weight and feels better than ever. He has always had low self esteem though and last year he lost 90 lbs and decided that he needed to experience someone else in bed. He did this twice and then came running back to me as he said it made him realize how much he wanted me. I forgave him and took him back (after a week away from him) and now that he has lost 205 or so lbs, he is asking to open our marriage. When we were both heavy before I was good enough, I was more than good enough. Now, I am not. I am so lost and have no idea what to do. I am on the waiting period to have the initial consult, it could still take a year to have the surgery. He wants to do this to help so he won't leave me totally. He says he wants to be with me but is now attracted to bw and bbw not bbbbw. I am used to be comfortable in my skin until he pointed out just how big I was. Now I am self conscious about everything. What ticks me off the most is that he used to be huge, but I never saw him like that, ever! I look at him now, and I see the same man, except that he is now materilistic, something we both said we would never become. We were going to be those big people who when lost weight, would be so compassionate to other big people, not look down and be disgusted by them. Now, that is all I am to him. He knows I am an awesome person, he loves me to no end. BUT, he is not sexually attracted to me anymore.
I wish I had a better experience to tell of. I am sorry and I know exactly how you feel. I could feel this coming.
I am so sorry that you got denied and hugs to you.