I'm going through a divorce right now. It isn't necessarily weight related, but I've had to learn some tough lessons.
Bottom line - I hate myself, I have horrible self esteem, and I do not want to be alone. I have felt for the last four years that it was better to put up with an asshole who treated me like **** than it was to be alone. But, I also had to wake up one day and realize I was wasting my life. I am fairly young still, and I do not want to be trapped in a no good marriage to a man *****ally really doesn't want to be with me. As much as i'm grieving now, I can't say it's any worse than the pain I felt for the last three years when I woke up alone every day because he refused to live with me.
We are people. We deserve the very basic fundamental respect, not only from strangers, family, friends, co workers, but including our partners and spouses. They are not exempt. And if they can't treat us like we deserve to be treated, they need to go.
He knows you are a good person. Clearly he doesn't want to lose that because at the end of the day, it is much harder to find a good person that you truly love than it is to find a "cute one". You do deserve more, and it's a long process of self-realization to get to that point, but you need to start looking.
You can continue on your WLS journey without him, and when you reclaim your life, he will be left with nothing. The next girl he finds will gain some weight, and round and round he goes. Meanwhile, you can find someone who will appreciate you for WHO you are, and not what you look like.
Don't wait for him to leave. You get the upper hand because you have the assets here - tell him he needs to go, it's not an option to have his cake and eat it too. I'm not saying its easy. I'm not saying there won't be lots of lonely, miserable days. But, in the end, when time goes by, you will be grateful for what you have without him standing next to you dragging you down.
Good luck, and I really really hope you are able to find some peace in the situation, regardless of what happens and whether he stays or goes.
www.sexyskinnybitch.wordpress.com - my journey to sexy skinny bitch status
11/16/12 - Got my Body by Sauceda - arms, Bl/BA, LBL, thigh lift.
HW 420/ SW 335 /CW 202 85 lbs lost pre-op / 133 since surgery (lowest weight post op: 188)