Hi

I am 17, and have been overweight all my life. At her age I was trying diet after diet with my Pediatrician but my parents always fealt bad...just like you, so not much was done. I do wish NOW that we had played hardball as now I am just getting ready for my gastric bypass. I know it is hard, and I hated it so much when my parents or doctors would say fat, or tell me about all the problems that I would have when I got older, all of which I do have now. I think that your daughter might not be happy when you start your plan, but I think that she will look back when she's in her teens, and thank you for what you did. I know I would have. Good luck with your choices, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh, it reminds me of myself at that age. At that age I believe I was sneaking food in my room, and binge eating at night. I still was very popular at school, but I hated that my friends had all the cute "skinny girls clothes". Back then all the plus size clothes were SO UGLY! (Think Catherine's meets grandmother style)  Did you try getting her into sports? Ask her what sports she's interested in. You could find some soccer, volleyball, running, field hockey, ect. clubs in your area. That would be a great way for her to be active, and meet friends. She could also be an emotional eater. Trust me, your daughter's feelings got hurt when her step-mother told her that she was "too fat" to join in with her kids.  You could also cut out the soda, candy, cookies, etc. She can still eat them just in moderation as long as it fits in with her calorie intake. A nutritionist could also help... Best of luck!

Hi Shelley, I am in the exact same situation as you. My daughter is almost 10 and weighs about 110 pounds. She really loves food and when I limit her to "healthy foods" she really gets mad about it. I feel like I am punishing her so I give in. She is a child and it is sad that she would even have to think about a diet. At 10 I was overweight but no one bothered to help me. I guess my parents just thought it was okay for me to be fat. Of course they are both average weight so they never knew what being fat does to a person. I have been there and I don't want my daughter to go through what I did. But at age 10 they do not realize how unhealthy it is or how unattractive it will be when they are teens. I always prayed I would have a little petite daughter who could wear anything she wanted to and never have to worry about fat. Instead I got two tiny sons and a daughter with the same eating problems I had. I even enrolled her at Curves. She has been going for 2 months and she has GAINED about 4 pounds. I really don't know what to do with out making her hate me in the process. If you find a good solution, please share with me.  Tina

Hi Shelley, I know this is a late response but I just found this particular part of our forum, even after being on the OH site since 2005!! 

My 15 year old son weighs 285 pounds.  He loves his food but doesn't sneak it or hide it in his bedroom.  He has an enormous appetite and he is always hungry.  From July 2005 to July 2006 I lost 140 pounds and I taught him so many things about good eating.  He will check labels, choose protein over carbs and generally understands all about nutrition.  He also is not a junk food junkie, preferring "real" foods to processed ones.  He plays football from August - November, is on the wrestling team from November - March and plays baseball from March until July.  I'd say that's pretty active.  However, for whatever reason he can't seem to lose weight.  I feel much like you do, that I've really ruined him after being SMO myself for 16 years.  But his doctor basically said that it was up to him, he had the tools, he needed to put them in place.  Ha, like we knew how to do that, huh? I pray for a huge growth spurt. LOL  Right now he is 5'8" and the doc said  he will be at least 6'2".  On the plus side, he pretty much stays at this weight.  He is a big, solid boy.  I wish I could do for him what I did for myself, but I don't have that power.  It is forbidden for us to use the word fat in our house as well.  My son will actually ask for help, and then he'll get angry at me when I do help.  Go figure.  At this point provide good foods, that is all you can do.  They learn so much about health and good eating in school now, the tools are there.  Don't look too hard for the root of her eating problems.  Most kids are pretty well adjusted and just like the taste of food.  We don't always have to be "damaged" to be fat. Good luck with your little girl. Donna

Thank you Joie! I completely agree that there need to be more resources or our children stuggling with this issue. Websites are fine, but where is the action oriented programs? Where is the interaction? I have read others who went to "fat camp" and say it was a great experience, but what am I saying to my child if I send her there?  I want a positive message about the inner self along with support for the habits that have developed in her short little life.  She is 10 today (happy birthday baby) and it is such a horrible time to have questions of self worth and value based on societal determinations.  I am all for a support group of parents with obese children.  I want to be the parent she needs. I want to learn how to be that person.  Let me know what I can do to help- I need to talk to other parents going through the same situation.  Now that my weight is under control - I see the difference it makes in how I am perceived.  I don't want her to accept the shame that comes with obesity.  She is a phenominal young woman and she should be respected - no matter what her size-as the person I see; smart, funny, compassionate, and powerful in this world.  Thanks for your response and I look forward to talking more.  Happy Holidays -  Shelley

I'm late replying, but wanted to give my little 2 cents. I am not a teen anymore, but I was just checking out the different forums.  My mom apologizes to me for allowing me to  gain weight as a young child. I ate what was bought and what she fixed. I ate when she ate. Your daughter will love you for eveything that she doesnt like now that you are trying to do. I say do what you have to, to help her avoid going thru what many teens are going thru...what i went thru. I was reading my journal from 4th grade and started to cry because I read what I wrote. I said I didnt want to live anymore. I was called fat daily and it was to the point where no one wanted to be my friend. I actually thought about ways to kill myself. I was also called black (by black kids but I am dark skinned) and ugly. So i was always teased for being the fat, black, and ugly girl! As time went on I learned to accept being dark skinned. So do what you can now for her. She will appreciate it later. I know I would have. -Tamika

I am 48 now and had surgery a little over a year ago...I was always the fattest kid in school and back then there was only one or two FAT kids in the school, so I was one of them...I was teased every day of my life...even when I tried to do heavy things and diet and exercise I was teased for the way I looked trying to do those things.... My mom tried to help but I resented her for it and don't think anything would have changed that feeling... I felt so hopeless even at that age...I WANTED to be normal but the eating was out of control, even now after surgery I am still that fat little girl wanting more food...I am addicted to it...Once I take that first bite, look out I can't stop.. I do have a better control over it now that I see a difference in my weight...But dieting and eating right as a child and as an adult before surgery the pain and deprivation was not worth it...Take the food away and a pound here and there was not enough...Food was my best friend...I assume inside your daughter feels that comfort from food and the guilt afterward... I don't know what my mom could have done to make it any different...You are going to have to face her resentment and even hate of you on some days when you try to help her and just keep going, knowing that it will be a lot easier for her now than after a lifetime of being fat and having bad habits....I often thought to myself when I was an adult that it was my mom's fault for not doing more when I was younger...But I am not sure what more she could have done...The more she talked about me being fat the more I wanted to eat....You daughter may need someone other than family to be ger friend and get her through this... A kindred spirt, someone she doesn't have to feel ashamed with when she talks about what people say to her and someone she can vent about home things without them telling you....Someone to listen that has been through the struggle... Not sure where you would find that person...Maybe a fat camp. I used to wish my mom would send me to one (not that I would have ever said that outloud) Just to be away and do it on my own with strangers.... I don't know if this helps at all but it has been very helpful to me...exercised a few of my demons....LOL....Hope you can find something useful in the ramblings! Good luck.

I am 15 years of age and I have been overweight since he age of 4. My parents were always trying to get me active and i actually was. I play[ed] basketball all throught elementary school and wasn't half bad. When my parents got on me about my weight i liked to shut them out. I always ate or didn't eat, did or didn't do what i wanted when i wanted. I thought everyone was just exaggerating about my weight and before i knew it, my weight had balooned and i was more than 100 pounds overweight by the age of 11. Although the parental "nagging" annoyed me to no end, it sank in. Unfortunately it sank a little too late. Just now, at the age of fifteen, am i getting serious about my weight loss. I only wish i would have listened to all the positive influences in my life. Now I know why they "bugged" me all the time. I NEEDED them to be my savior and scream at me and MAKE me listen but i refused to let them. Now I only wish i could do it all over. I know i would be a lot happier and although my family was trying, i NEEDED them to try harder. Please realize that even though she may resent your restrictions now, you can be her savior. She needs you more than you or she knows. Hope this helped.

-Evan