What to do with this sabotage? (a little long)

I am sharing a house with my mom as I need help while I pay for my son's college tuition.  Trust me, that's the only reason I'm there.

I've never had a loving supportive relationship with my mother.  She has never been the nuturing type and some part of me resents her for it.  I think she knows she wasn't so at times her guilt causes her to do more for my son and my sister's daughter to make up for what she lacked with us.

Anyway, her words pre-op were supportive and even post-op (in the very beginning) were supportive.  Then slowly but surely, she started making comments like "you are getting smaller than me," "you can't pass me," etc.  Then came baking more.  My mother hasn't baked cookies or cakes in years and all of a sudden she became a baking fool.  Then came potato chips and cookies and apple pies.  Because I knew this would happen, I tried my best to be prepared for it.  However, being single, being broke and a horrible boss have sometimes caused me to revert back to old habits.  In my mind, I hear her laughing and saying I knew she wasn't going to do it.  I'm on track mostly but sometimes she gets to me.

Has anyone experienced this or something similar?  What can I do (other than move and only see her on occassions)?

 Hi Chelle!  I know...it can be so hard and I am so sorry you have to go through this.  The will power can be hard to find some days!  Hang in there girl...xxxx

Autumn!!! Hi babe!!!

I'm working through it.  MOST times I run from it but there are times when I give in and feel so frustrated afterwards.  I literally have talks with myself.  I'm hangin!

You are doing wonderful by the way and I am so happy for you.

My mother was just like that.  I would ask her point blank if she is doing all this baking in order to sabotage you because she doesn't want you to succeed in your weight loss.  If she denies it then ask her why she is doing so much baking and purchasing the junk food which no one in the house needs for health reasons.  Ask her if this is the way a mother supports her daughter who is fighting for a healthy life. 

Steph -- my mother is sooooo defensive when she is confronted.  Unfortunately, I think this is something I am going to have work out on my own.  It sucks but I have to "man up" and learn how to be strong.

Yes, your mother is my mother reincarnated... I have often said my mother was a good imitation of a stereotypical "Jewish Mom" .  The type who said things like, " go ahead, go on your vacation, have a good time while I lay here sick."  "Enjoy yourself have a good time on your date while I sit here alone".. "I bought this jacket but its MILES too big for me maybe it will fit you".  Yeah that was my loving mom.  If my mom said it, it was ok but if I said it, it was rude and mean and everyone in the family heard about how I was such a selfish daughter.  Your right it will never change.  Just don't be your mom to your kids.  Good luck.

Did we grow up in the same house??? 

That is one thing I have kept my promise about.  I WILL NOT be my mother to my son.  I always ask him if I'm doing a good job.  He usually tells me yes but there are times when he says I lacked in something or I was meaner than usual and it helps me to take a step back and evaluate.  Again, I think I'm doing a good job and if he does too, that's all that matters!

Can you sneak and throw a lot of it away when she isn't looking? Like put it in a new trash bag and take it straight out to the trash can?

From the comments she is making,I think she is trying to sabotage you,too,whether consciously or unconsciously.

That is what I would do anyway,if it were me

Good luck and all you can do is your best,
Holly

First of all, YOU do not need to be paying your son's college tuition.  Your son should be paying his own way through college.  He can always join the R.O.T.C., or take out loans, join the military and later use the GI Bill or even work his way through (I had $200 a month GI Bill & worked my way through Undergraduate & Grad school). 

There is no way that Mommy should be putting herself into a situation like you are in, so he can have it easy.  It will mean a LOT more to him if he does it on his own, than it ever will if someone else pays his way.

You need to get out of your mother's home.  She is obviously trying very hard to keep you under her thumb, and keep you in a "Mother/Child relationship".

You have to learn to set realistic and appropriate goals for yourself. 

Your son is grown up, and needs to accept responsibility for his own future.  It is time to put YOURSELF into that number one priority.  I know that it feels good to help our children, but, we help them a LOT more by teaching them self responsibility.

OM -- Fortunately I think my parenting skills are A-OK so that's why I didn't ask for help in that department!

Yes I need to move out but again I'm not "living" with my mother.  We are renting a house together with my name on a 2-year lease that we just signed in September 2010.  Yes I can break it and I think I just have to find a way to budget and get out of the situation and only see her when I want to see her.