Weight Loss Surgery, Motivation, and Death

I felt compelled to write this because about four hours ago I got the news that my father-in-law had just died of lung cancer.  First, let me say that I really liked the guy.  Second, my wife is obviously having a seriously emotional time right now.  But the reason I feel compelled to write about it here is that his discovery that he had cancer, which happened about a year ago, was one of the factors that finally motivated me to get serious about my weight problem.  Before that time, I was sticking my head in the sand, telling myself that I wasn't really as fat as the scale said I was, and that the high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea, and all the rest were really just minor problems - that I could manage them just fine.  He felt the same way about his smoking.  It was his diagnosis, and the recognition that he had been thinking about his smoking in the same way I had been thinking about my weight problem, that finally got me off my ass and into my surgeon's office. 

His name was Alexander, but most people called him Sasha.  He's Russian, and spent his entire life there.  Worked hard, took care of his family, and was a good man.  I've visited there six or seven times and got to know him pretty well, even though my Russian sucks and his English was non-existent.  A year ago, he looked strong, healthy, and on top of the world.  My wife has been back home with him a good part of the last three months (she came back here to be with me for my surgery) and we talk on Skype every couple of days so I have been able to see him on video.  Usually when we talk, he waves to me and says hello, but he wasn't able to do that this week.  He was so emaciated at the end that his legs were hardly bigger than the bones alone would have been.  A lot of people will miss him.  I'm one of them.

I guess I'm trying to say a couple of things.  First, I want to wish Sasha Peace, Joy, and Love on the journey he has undertaken.  Second, I want to thank him for providing me with the motivation to take control of my own weight problem and my life, even though that probably wasn't his intention.  And last, I'm hoping that maybe what I'm saying here will help someone who is reading this and still undecided about whether they really need to take control of their own weight problem, to recognize that how we take care of ourselves, what we put in our bodies, be it too much food, or tar and nicotine, does ultimately come back to us. 

Sorry for rambling, but thanks for taking the time to hear me out.

Dick

First I would like to say sorry for your loss. I lost my mom two months ago due to complications of Diabetes that she chose not to take control of for many years. So I understand your motivation of wanting to get healthy and lose the weight. I had already made the decision to have the surgery before she became ill, but her death pushed me to become more serious about my decision. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family tonight.

I'm so sorry for your loss it was my father passing away that led me here. I understand. Be well and hold your wife tight.

Thanks, both of you, for your thoughts.  It's unfortunate that it sometimes takes losing a loved one to make us see our own situation clearly.   And I'd love to be holding my wife tight, but she was for the past few weeks, and still is, in Russia with him.  I'm glad she could be.

 I'm sorry for your loss. Your post was very eloquent and moving. Thank you for sharing.

So sorry... you absolutely have my condolences; I've lost about 95% of my family to cancer -- my in-laws aside, all I have left now is an uncle and 2 sets of cousins. 

Watching my mother's health decline over the past decade definitely set me on the path to consider WLS too.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2002 and beat it, but then suffered a debilitating stroke in 2005 when I was 3 months pregnant with our son.  She pulled through, but then suffered a heart attack in 2008, then the breast cancer came back and mestasticized in her bones... that was the nail in the proverbial coffin.  She passed away in August of 2009.

She'd always been relatively healthy while I was growing up, but once I hit my mid-twenties and she her 60s, it seemed all the unhealthy habits she always had started to catch up with her.  I didn't want that to be me when I hit my 60s; I want to be healthy enough to continue being a mother to my son and if its in the cards for him, a grandmother to his kids.

Again, I'm so sorry.

Dick, I'm so sorry for your loss.  These addictions we fight are horrible and truly can kill us if we don't mend our ways.  You are a living example of how other people's lives can touch us and impact us in a powerful way.  Changing your own life is a memorial to his.  Best wishes on your continuing journey.
--Dorothy 

I am so sorry for your families loss.

It was my own cancer that was a major impetus to finally do something about my own obesity.  I had been in denial for so long.  

Thank you for sharing.

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom was 49 when she died - she weighed more than I do now at 43 - but I have kids and I am scared. I wish she could have had the surgery then - maybe she'd have lived to see her grandkids. You've honored Sasha's memory here and I'm sure you'll continue to do so. All the best to you.

So sorry to hear of the loss of your Father-in-law, my condolences to you and your wife. Missing those we love will ever be present; the importance Sasha played in your life will continue long after. A loved one's essense lingers with us forever.

Out of every sad situation I am glad to hear of a better one come out of it, as with your journey to a healthier lifestyle. Our storeis are very similar.

In Sept 2009 I had my wake up call that I really had to do something. At 550lbs hardly able to walk without gasping, on 2 needles of insulin a day (90u & 80u), high blood pressure and a hernia which my gut is fully outside of my abdominal wall... i needed to change. But what happened to make me see this???
My husband of 25 years was rushed into emerge and was diagnosed with diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and penile cancer. He immediately had a total amputation then a few months later a lymphadenectomy. He worked hard those months to regain some quality of health by going on a diabetic diet (which I did too) and we were able to lower his blood pressure, diabetes and cholesterol in doing it. The day he had his staples out, he had another set back...a heart attack and had to paddled back. When getting a stent put in, he received news on the pathology of his lymph nodes... it was negative. We felt like life had handed us a wonderful gift. We both started walking, and we were only up to 10 minutes twice a day when in march things turned.... our walking ended.....with pain on his perinieum he was rushed into surgery where they found a tumor of the same kind as before.. cat scan revealed mestates to the lungs...he was terminal. he had radiation to relieve pain and was able to come home for a month then went back in hospital. Then on July 15th, he passed away. Watching my husband die and fight so hard for every breath he took will remain with me. My husband and I started this journey to healthiness together.... I now walk alone.

Life is too precious not to fight for the health one needs and deserve. Dick, although sorry to hear of the cir****tances, I am glad you are on a better path. I hope others dont have to go through such things in life to realize this.