I didn't get to be MO because I gorged myself at the drive-thru or really binged.  I got to be MO because for as long as I can remember, I probably ate an average of an extra 300-500 calories every single day.  I always thought this was just a terrible habit, and something that I "liked to do".  Now that I am Month 3 with my sleeve, I am realizing that it was more of a coping mechanism than I realized.

I have a really nice life.  I have an incredible husband, two beautiful children, a successful business and a lovely home.  I would say I probably just have the normal amount of daily stress that comes with being a wife, a Mom to two very little ones, and being the primary breadwinner/running a business.

This is my busy time of year at work.  I am finding that for the last month I have been much more short tempered and easily annoyed.  I also just have this generalized low-level feeling of anxiousness and worry, pretty much all the time.  Nothing that is derailing my life or anything, but I am just keenly aware that it is there, like a little devil sitting on my shoulder.  I can really see now how I used to have a bowl of cereal and a chocolate bar or something late in the evening, and it "made me feel better" -- it released some endorphins or some hormone or something that was very physical and very real.  I'm sure it's like smoking, or anything else.  Now that I don't have that outlet, that coping mechanism, I'm kind of becoming a real *****  I'm sure I'm not an easy-breezy person to be around right now.  I kind of don't like being around me either.

I have never liked exercise.  I haven't incorporated it into my new world successfully yet.  And I remain unconvinced that exercise will replace my former anxiety-management crutch of FOOD.

I don't really know why I'm posting this.  I guess I want to know that I'm not alone, and I want to know if this feeling eventually went away for you if you are further along than me.  Did anything help?  Did you go to therapy?  Did you learn new ways to manage it?  Did it just go away? I really want to hear your stories.

 

You are definitely NOT alone.  I'm no expert since I'm only 3 days out but I am fully expecting to be challenged very soon after I leave this post-op at home bubble (if not sooner)  Your post is soooo insightful and I think that's a great thing.  I knew very early that I had some emotional eating happening and in fact I too enjoyed it.  I started therapy last fall and plan to continue very soon.  There is no magic cure for the emotional triggers and our pasts with eating.  I'm just committed to feeling the feelings and reaching out when they begin to interfere with my life.  Some days will suck I'm sure but most days will be delightful! 

Hang in there.  I'm here and many more as well.

Thanks for your response -- yeah it's weird because I never ever considered myself an "emotional eater".  I imagined that person being someone who is sitting there crying while gorging themselves or something.  I'm not a sad person, my life is really great.  But yeah I now know that emotional eating can mean any kind of feeling, even anxiety.

Good luck to you, you are right at the start of your journey!  :-)

I would seriously consider adding exercise to your daily or weekly routine. It really does help me feel more grounded and sane - especially on those days that I am feeling short tempered and with a short fuse. The more regularly I work out the better I seem at handling stress in life. Hey, exercise releases endorphins just like chocolate, only more and better!

45 minutes on the eliptical for me is a breeze now, burns a ton of calories and helps me feel great. I recommend trying it.

Good luck, and yup, I know how you're feeling. Exercise has been the answer for me.

Thanks for responding - yeah just got a treadmill last week, and right now we are just kind of staring each other down.  ;-)

Crackin' up--my treadmill and I do that too!!! ;)

Pam

Quite honestly, I now realize I was not the easy going flexible gal I used to think I was and act like I was. 

I *feel* more anxiety now than I did presurgery because for me, like for you, was one of my coping mechanisms.

One thing that was a challenge, and still is is coming to the realization that trying to stifle or stop anxiety *or insert other emotions* is MUCH more destructive than actually just having them.  Sometimes if I can, I go cry in the shower, or throw my head back and laugh hugely like a mad scientist, sometimes I can turn on some music to distract myself.

But often, I just have to CONSISTENTLY remind me, how it is this moment is not how its ALWAYS going to be.  I CAN just be gentle (with me and the folks around me).  Feeling *insert feeling* is not going to kill me, but my coping mechanisms sure were.

I exercised, but its definitely not a transfer addiction. 

Now, that being said - because I DO exercise, I notice when I have to stop for whatever reason, that I have more anxiety, that I feel clingy, unsure, like I want more affirmation from OUTSIDE me, where when I am consistent in my exercise (and I do not exercise because "you lose weight" I do it because its GOOD FOR ME) then I do feel less anxiety *or other things.* I inhabit my body differently, I do not want so much outside input because I am okay with me and my decisions or whatever.  For me, Zumba has been really helpful because its just fun, like dancing with my girlfriends.  I have been to some NOT fun Zumba classes, but I found some that I really do just love, and it helps my attitude LOADS.

Its a challenge girlie, but for me the only way OUT is through. Something that was VERY helpful was saying to my husband

OH WOW, I AM CRAWLING OUT OF MY SKIN WITH GRUMPINESS!!  So he could get that it was not about US, I was just having a funk, and it was not going to be like this forever, but honey, it WAS LIKE THIS NOW!!

Anyway, blahblhablah :} all of that to say, for me even 3 years out I realize its still something I get to learn to deal with creatively, especially coming up on the 'mature woman hormone stew" :}

*squeeze* 

Exercise causes a release in endorphins which will ease anxiety significantly over time.

Hey friend, I do not know if you meant to reply to me ?  If you hit the reply at the very bottom left or the reply at the bottom of the OP's post, that will get them the message that you are talking with them!  *if you did not know!  sorry if you already did and were talking to me*

Ha! Was not even paying attention. But hey, apparently I needed to get your attn for some reason. Sorry for the poke! haha :)

You did not call me any names!!  I am cool with the poking!! 

I have just seen some folks that nobody tells how to do it, and they get mad that the OP never answers them!  Silly us!

Brandilynn, consider this my official application to be your Canadian BFF.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful response.  I think Zumba is a good idea, if it can be *fun* then it is possible I might even enjoy myself. 

I hear what you are saying about just being "in" the feelings.  I always thought that made sense for real defined feelings like sadness and anger, ones that come from real sources and problems that just had to get dealt with.  The weird thing about this is that it just feels like generalized anxiety.  Just regular livin' life stuff. I have no sources.  I don't know that I DO want to feel this way every day.  I wonder if there is any data about WLS patients needing to go on anxiety medication?  Hmm.  I've never been on meds for anything, so it would be a new world.

You are right about being sure to talk to the husband.  I told mine last night how I was feeling and why I thought I was feeling that way and he seemed so relieved.  He was like "OMG that makes so much sense."

I am not good about trying to find "me" time, because I have a 7 month old and a 4 year old.  My husband stays home with them during the day.  I always feel like I have to rush home to "relieve" him (really I don't relieve him at all, we are just BOTH working then), but I feel like it wouldn't be fair for me to be gone all day, and then leave him with dinner or bathtime or bedtime because I want to go to the gym.  I have a hard time reconciling that and haven't figured a way through it yet.

I am always thankful for a friend :}

Finding something that "I did not hate" was important :} . EVEN NOW, I have a 30 minute attention span and then ZIP done.  I am outta here.  I only lift for 30 minutes on the days I lift, and when I did the treadmill before I ever started lifting, I only did it in 30 minute intervals, because some things just were not going to change about me.  My attention span for something I am not REALLY digging wanes after about 15 minutes, about 20 minutes the chick in my head starts whining, BUT!  If I ONLY have 10 more minutes AND I have boogiedown music on the mp3 player or in the room, I can just shakemyazz for the last 10 minutes and drown out the crying girl in my head :}  Honestly, if I go to a Zumba class and we have a sub and I am not digging it - 30 minutes is all I can give it before I am OUTTA THERE. 

So, finding something I did not hate, and then even with stuff like the "dreadmill" finding music that I REALLY LOVED to boogiedown to helps pass the time, for me. 

For the exercise stuff I did not hate (the dreadmill) I had to do it first thing in the morning.  I got up extra early and just made it happen because the longer I wait to try and fit it in, the less time there ever came to fit it in.  Funny that.  But true!! 

Maybe the Zumba can come at another time, or maybe you and he could have "trade off" me times?   Or hell, even yall both just lugging the kiddos and playing, jumping, or doing something fun together? 

Can you see this thread?  http://www.precisionnutrition.com/members/showthread.php?t=7 248

That is a playground workout from another forum that I find immensely valuable! 

And think this too, about the "me time"

Your family BENEFITS from you feeling good about you, in your skin, being healthy, happy, and whole.  You teach YOU, and your beebees that taking care of yourselves is IMPORTANT, and sometimes making room to do something that feeds your soul and moves your bootay is the most important thing BECAUSE when you are together?  You can be totally there.  A kind and gracious mama who is not just a razzlefraazzle nerve end, you know?

And this is a mantra that has gotten me through 20 years of a relationship and 14 years of marriage with someone who is nearly my polar opposite - not everything needs to be fixed TODAY.

So, baby steps are good!!  Maybe you could find 3 of your most favorte azzshakkin tunes and just walk on the dreadmill for 3 GREAT songs? 

I have an interval program that I did, and I have the times, speeds, and incline changes, and *yes! its only 30 minutes!!* with that and the groovy music - it helped me and my mood and I got to sing and, I NEVER have had the issue with my booty hurting after I lost weight.  I honestly think its because of the interval program (because I ripped it out of a magazing and the point of it was to grow a luscious booty :} ).

Anyway, if you want it I am GLAD to share it, just pm me where to send it, because its an attachment and the formatting gets wonky here.

*squeeze*  this thing will teach you stuff about your self you woulda denied up and down, but its all good.  And on the OTHER SIDE its worth it. 

MUWAH!!

And this too, about the random weirdness of what feelings are triggery.

I had my work desk full.  A higher up asked me to do X thing.  I have learned when my plate is full to say "I have X X X X to do that are priorities, is this a higher priority than these things and if it is, please go talk to X and let them know that your work is being done first" (Like I, as a grunt, was *supposed* to do).

He said, ah nah, its not that big a deal.  Just let me know if when some time opens up.  Okay then, right on.

But after that, I was itchy in my skin. I kept cruising through the kitchen and looking in the refrigerator.  (!?!)  It BOTHERED me to, essentially, say no, I do not have the time to do that thing.  I WANT to be able to say yes, I want to be able to chameleon myself and be all of the things to all of the people!!

And its been harder on ME to learn to stop that than it has on anybody else. 

Weeirrrdd!  But true!

Yeah I'm poking YOU!!

I died (don't know how I can type while dead, but I digress) when I read this "throw my head back and laugh hugely like a mad scientist" OMG I love doing that!!

Ms Shell

It really works.  :}  When I do it here at home, if I have a SERIOUS case of evil growing under my skin, I will also bunny hop.

Sounds stupid huh?  Yea, looks stupid too, a bunny hopping crazed laughter evil scientist, but there is something about it that takes the edge off!!

And if you do it when people are irritating you?  You might be surprised at how quickly they let you be.

True story - when I was teaching children's ministry, we had some kiddos who came from a crap situation at home, and they were OUT OF CONTROL.  Now, I love the chirren, but sometimes I have just had all the oppositional defiant behavior I can tolerate - well that's when I "made up" just busting out in mad scientist laughter, because well - it was more appropriate than what I was itching to do. 

Well, as it turns out, some of the kiddos "caught" it and when they would get frustrated with each other, would bust out in mad scientist laughter, and then they would all laugh heartily and get on with playing.

It was something!

That cracked me up, too!!!

Pam :)

 Oh Lady, you are NOT ALONE! Sometimes I just sit and cry and think "if I could just eat a bowl of pasta I'd feel better." Food was my best friend and I MISS IT TERRIBLY!

I too was hoping to transfer my addiction to exercise. Welllllll, not so much. I do agree with Brandilynn (as I do with almost all her posts) that exercise helps with the anxiety but it sure is no substitute for a giant vat of food love.

*sigh* I'm working on it, my husband is incredibly supportive and I'm thinking about getting back into my regular therapy sessions. This has to be common and therefore the docs have to know how to work us through it!!

For now, I just let myself FEEL the emotions, yeah, that was foreign! 

Just know you are so not alone!!!

Funny you!

I think the day I realized exercising out my angst was not going to work was the day I was having an *ahem* "discussion" with my beloved and thought

It would be inappropriate to just bust into jumping jacks or squats right now.  This just stop and exercise crap is not going to do it.  :}

Or maybe it would have frightened him into complying to my wishes?  HA!!

 **tucking the notion of busting into exercise at any given tense moment away in my cuckoo arsenal**