Wow, I didn't realize my post would get so much of a response. That in itself is a sign of the magnitude of what I did. Where to start this morning, well, I feel better, mentally, I am not so upset and bitter as I was last night saying people were not be supportive and were ridiculing me and such, I feel I over reacted and for that I am sorry. I took out my anger at myself on everyone else. Later last night I had a few (two) bites of food and felt like absolute **** I nearly went to the ER, I called my surgeon late last night, I am sure he love that, and confessed what I had done earlier and now how I felt. I recieved good advice, he told me of course not to do it again, and what to watch our for. He put me on clear liquids for 24 hours with strict instructions to come to the ER if I had anymore trouble. I did not go in last night because I started feeling better and per his intructions that was ok. Did I damage anything? I still don't know, only time will tell. I cried and prayed for most of the night, too scared to go to sleep. I feel ok this morning but and keep a close watch on myself for complications. Some brought up the fact that I am an RN and should really know better, well I am, and in my head I do know better. I guess I just wasn't truly prepared for what it would be like after surgery, to say no to the food others are having. I truly scared myself straight last night, I really did. I looked at my children, 1 and 3 years old and I know I can't do this, I made most likely the biggest mistake of my life last night, it could have been my last. I plan on attending the support groups, I plan on regular counciling, I need to be accountable for myself and my children. I pray now I haven't done any damage, only time will tell. Anyone who would like to be, I don't know like a sponser or losing buddy please let me know, I think that would truly help me, let me know we can email back forth. Well that is all for right now I guess. For those of your that pray I could sure use a few prayers that I didn't do anything to cause damage and that I will always remember this and learn from it. Thank you.