OT-Today I stood up for me...

I have been MIA on here for a while. I have been dealing with my mom who was diagnosed with cancer early this year. I have gotten off track on my eating because I was always on the run with her and putting myself and children second it seemed. I have been emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. She has exhausted me. She isn't the typical parent. It seems I have been her parent more every year. Well her brain is now foggy and she signed her poa to me... To make decisions when she wasn't clear and so she could focus on her health. Well she wanted to sell her house after 45 years. I made that happen, she wanted to move into retirement center and I made that happen. She is to be moving this weekend and closing next weekend on her old house.. She has been belligerent, condescending, rude, demanding, harassing, and expective to all that I have done. I finally said enough this morning. She has now managed to turn her sister against my decisions to help after they all stood behind me. She can be manipulative too... She pouts when she doesn't get her way... Long examples I can say on that one.. It's hard it really is. But enough. Today I told her i am out... She can have her sister help her move, sign on her house, and make all dr appts, errands, etc. I am done. I can't keep going on. My weight loss has really slowed but been creeping down. I am 69 pounds gone and now I am putting myself back on track. I will be going to the gym, taking time for me again. I know I may be a bad daughter now but dang only so much I can handle... Miss y'all on here!

Linda

Sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis.  I wish her the best my friend.  I remember you & you have been missed.  Try your best to take care of yourself.  I've had to do the same for myself lately.  HUGS!!!

iMHO, it doesn't make you a bad daughter,it makes you a smart daughter. We have to take care of ourselves and that includes breaking ties with those who don't have our best interest in heart. Just like those of us who were abused as children didn't deserve that,neither do we deserve to be mistreated as adults.

My husband divorced his mother last year,after I divorced her and said I would never see her again after she abused me and my children for the 40 years I have been in the family.

DH finally realized he could not tolerate her abuse of me any longer. I know,took him long enough,but that is another post. He has had no contact with her since this time last year. Does this make me happy? No,makes me very sad,but she brought it on herself by being such a witch. Interestingly enough,her two other children want nothing to do with her,nor do ANY of her 6 grandchildren,so she is in an assisted living home with no one who cares about her because of her past actions.  She is very selfish and has always thought about herself and only herself first and foremost.

You might be amazed how much burden you feel has lifted in every way from you. DH and I were shocked with how much lighter we felt when she was out of our lives.

GL and take care of you!

sorry about your mother's diagnosis but you must remember that in order to be helpful to her or yur children, you must be mentally and physically healthy yourself.....if taking time away from being her provider then do so with no guilt

Sounds like you've been an amazing daughter to a very difficult woman regardless of her illness. No One Gets To Treat You That Way!! NO ONE!!

Sometimes all you can do is walk away, and you have to know that's alright. I have a mother-in-law who sounds similar and no matter what we've tried to do, it's never right, never good enough, never never never. So I just gave up as did her son, my husband. It's a tough decision to make but at some point...c'mon enough is really enough.

Work out your emotions on the treadmill!! We're here for ya

I don't blame you for your decision to focus on yourself now.  I am sure your children need you more too.  I have been the family crutch over and over only to be stabbed in the back every time.  So i finally let go.  Yes it hurt so much to watch everybody struggle but i have my own family to do for.  And all in all it was like my family was waiting to see me fail yet another thing.  So keep the positive in your life, and keep the negative at bay.  We all know you really love your Mom, but sometimes enough is enough.  Soon she will be yelling at her sister and maybe they will see how well you really did.  Enjoy focusing on this new chapter in your life and remember that we are always here to listen and help when we can.  

Sarah

i too am sorry to hear you been going thru this stress   and yes you should always take care of yourself as well ,  but i also have to say  just for a moment  try to   put yourself in your moms    state of mind ,   knowning  she has cancer shes going to go thru many stages in life ,  denial and shock ,  anger and   rage .   fight and hope ,   fear and grief ..stress and  deep depression ...then finally  acceptance and  adjusting ,      when someone is told they have  a diease  that   may take there life   you see they look at there kids  there grandbabies and there life and they  are not ready to die  *****ally is ,    they hurt the ones they love the most whom are usually the children because its there way of  not wanting to let you go ,    i believe her major changes in her life is   only to   become rash choices  over not being able to  overcome the fear of what may come , i do hope before  anything happens to your mom's relationship with you and your sister  perhaps some counselling to heal both  the pain in all your relationships ,    yet there is times  people only can do what they can for  anyone and feel never appreciated ,  only you know whats right for you  but  please  while you take care of you  try to see if you can also take care of your family's  needs too .. i certainly do not know what  your going thru in real life  nor do i wish to upset you  i merely wish to  perhaps  help  you maybe find another way where you are taking care of  also,  your mom  so you dont  feel like your losing  your family ,     bless you for how good you been  to your mom  its not easy on  you  either for  having to   walk this road  ,  welcome back to the form i hope your  days become easy  for you also your family  

I am sorry to hear you are having problems with your mother but there does come a time where you have to put yourself first in order to help others.  That is a lesson that I am still trying to enforce with myself and it is a constant balance.  Hang in there!

You have to do what you think is right for you. With that being said, take it from some one who has lost both of his parents. I would give anything in this world to get them back even for 1 day. You don't realize the hurt until they are gone and then it is too late. She gave you POA. She must trust you. Put yourself in her shoes. She knows she is going own he hill and there is no coming back up it. You need to fix this with your mother before it is to late. You will never forgive yourself. You can still put yourself ad your family first. You just have to figure out how o make things work. Good luck and best wishes for your mother.