Surrender

Read some posts yesterday that got me thinking.

I read about a good number of people on OH who deal with some level of regain at some point. I also read about people who are disappointed about never reaching their goal weight - whatever the reason.

I am one of the regain people. Reaching goal was a non issue for me.

My regain has nothing to do with anything other than what I chose to put in my mouth and my core beliefs. Yesterday, a kind and gentle and self aware and intelligent poster commented on a post I made a couple of weeks ago. She was spot on.

I had commented that when one has issues with alcohol one can completely abstain from alcohol. When someone stops smoking he no longer uses cigarettes. However, when we have issues with food we can’t stop eating. What the wise poster pointed out was that while a recovering alcoholic abstains from alcohol, she doesn’t stop drinking altogether. When a smoker stops smoking he doesn’t stop inhaling. So when a person has problems with food, he doesn’t need to stop eating, he need ONLY stop eating the foods that cause the problems.

So, now that I have been hit upside the head with sound logic...

Here’s where I am: As someone who was losing weight I chose to give myself over to the program and to those who knew better than I. I didn’t question, or try to rationalize. I did what I knew would work and I listened to only the people I trusted and who had great success. I did not do the same when it came to maintenance. Maintenance I chose to navigate myself - making the mistake of thinking that I could create a workable maintenance program myself.  

I can rationalize until I’m blue in the face about why I chose that path. Doesn’t really matter at this point. What I keep hearing in my mind’s ear is Frisco saying that he gave himself over to his surgeon and his surgeon’s plan 100%, completely. He had gotten to the point of surrender. He knew his truth.

I did not do this 100%. I should have. In the back of my mind I held on to the belief that I would be able to manage some semblance of “normalcy” with my post weight loss eating. Yet, my experience has been that I have never been able to maintain my weight - ever.  You can bet that as soon as I’m back at goal - and I will be - I will be then following a plan created by my NUT (or more likelythe beautiful and informed Gabriella! )

I have dealt with shame, self disgust and pity and some depression over this whole regain thing. I’m done. I only spiral deeper if I stick with those types of emotions. I’m going to believe in my truth.

It’s with mixed emotions that I surrender. I am giving it up. I’m placing myself in the hands that are wiser and have the proven success I desire.

Sigh.....

About a year ago, I too, came to understand about the difference between eating all foods and eating foods that propel me forward.  I have to say that embracing that has made my whole perspective about eating shift into clarity.  I know what foods will make my brain ache for more and those that fuel my body.  I am still in the weight loss phase, but I have not strayed off plan on the 10 months since I've been sleeved.  The most spectacular bonus of this new mentality is that I am un-phased  by off plan foods.  They are simply not an option for me and thus hold no power.  If I was of the mindset that I might at some point is my weight loss phase allow myself an indulgence, then every time some ooey, gooyey treat cross my path, I would hear it's siren call.  The fact is I can't hear that call as it has no chance of being effective on me.  Talk about freeing!

It really does take surrender to embrace this idea fully.  I don't think anyone can do it 1/2 heartedly and have it work.  The siren will keep calling.

Best of luck, Devon!

Kim 

you are so right. consider that a chc-o-holic could choose never to eat choc again.   the problem with that is then chocolate is all you think about. instead you choose not to eat it today. kind of what the 12 step people do. and so is surrendering to a higher power even if its just the power of a good nutritional program.  that actually is a pretty powerful thing indeed.  good on you, terrier man.  diane

ps, my dog chip has a "date" with a lovely girl this july. just learned she just finished her championship!!!!

Thanks, Diane! I am subscribing to the one day at a time philosophy. Makes it easier for me. We have doughnuts and treats today in the lounge. The announcement came over the PA. I decided to stay in my room with my Greek Yogurt. That was a one moment at a time moment! LOL!

 My boy has a date next week with a lovely from Ventura! She finished her CH. last year right after going Reserve Winners at Montgomery County! I'm excited about this litter because I have a litter on the ground from my boy and this girl's litter sister that is really fantastic!

Im up, too and have not surrendered.  It's not a huge gain.  My clothes still for, but I'm unhappy!  My line has been once school is out I'm gonna hit hard.  School has been a big stressor for me this year ( not my kids... You know! lol ). School is always going to be there so I need to get it together and have the WL mind set in a maintenance world.  It's hard!!!  We can do this!!!

Thank you for your honesty and laying it all out there for us.  I wish you the best  :-)

Devon I really think you've nailed the essence of recovery, which is mostly about how we handle maintenance. Surrendering to those few basic truths - the foods we must avoid - sets the stage for us to enjoy long term success. The longer we deny that, the deeper we recede into our pain. If anyone can do this, I know it's you, so go claim what rightfully yours. Can't wait to meet you!!

What great timing.  My kids just made their annual "bunny cake."  Part of me thinks I could have some of it (a HUGE part of me thinks that would be really stupid since their grubby little hands touched it), and the rational part of my brain knows that I just can't have any, even if it wasn't germ-infested and a crappy boxed cake to boot.

I am still fighting with these last 5 lbs, but to be honest, I'm not doing a very good job.  I know what I need to do--I just need to do it. 

I was looking at mfp today and realized how many really really great VSG, weight-loss friendly recipes I have.  If I am bored with food it is only my own fault.  The answer is I need to get back to planning and prepping meals, even if my family doesn't always eat them with me.  I can't base my diet on the taste of a 5-year-old and be healthy (and neither can he, really).

Anyhow, just wanted to say that I hear you and I'm with you.  I hope I get to see you on the 29th. :)

Devon, I am not sure how much you have regained but it certainly is much harder the 2nd time around.  Like you, once I did set my mind to get to goal the first time, I did and it didn't seem to be that difficult.  Our first year being sleeved makes it much more easy but still work. 

This time, it's like fighting the battle before surgery.  Yes, we still have restriction with our sleeves but not like that first year.  I still have my head in the game everyday but I do get knocked down a lot.  Luckily, I still have it in me to keep getting up and fight back.  I signed up for this and it's a lifetime committment.

Love ya!

First, let's talk about the shame, guilt disgust and pity over the weight gain.  You are not going anywhere fast if you can't give those up.  They are beneath you and your exceptionally well tuned understanding of weight loss, gain and management.  They are self-serving and sabotaging thoughts that get you off the hook from doing what needs to be done.  I would lovingly give you a kick in the behind if I could without getting you mad.  :)  Stop it already, enough is enough.  Regain is the USUAL result, and we need to reset things to get back to the extra ordinary.  

Next, you need to go right back into weight loss mode.  This might look a bit different this far out.  Speak with Gabriella if you need an exact dialed in plan, or call me and I bet we can come up with it together.  It will be very similar to the original plan but might include a bit more fat and calories.  I would have to talk to you to be sure.  Now commit to this 100%. Yes, that means surrender completely again.  Do this until goal.

Finally, we need to redo early maintenance.  You need a more formalized plan for maintenance, especially early maintenance.  This will include journaling and weighing and measuring your food.  You need to do this for at least the first two years in your maintenance.  Yes, here again, you need to surrender.  

After you get there, we will talk about how to go through the rest of your life. 

That's my Rx for you and I am here if you need me.  How come you haven't called me to talk about this yet????  Hugs.

(Just so we are clear, when I need your Rx for me, I WILL call you; count on it.  You are a huge part of my calvary.  ).