Learning how to say no (whiney rant)

happyteacher
on 12/22/14 9:12 am

Ok,

I know better. I realized abit after starting this process that one of my major issues is setting bounderies. Once again, I did not honor this and now I am sitting here kind of resentful, kind of pissed off. I had surgery just over a week ago- the second phase of the reconstruction process triggered by a double mastectomy from this past April. Yep, I am sore. Yep, not supposed to be doing anything at all. Yep, I have a couple of drains in. Yep, my husband has once again melted down due to the surgery and has been MIA since after he got me home from the hospital. Yep, the teenagers in the house are not helping and still think that there is a magical fairy maid. 

Now my sister wanted me to go up to the other sister's house (2 hours away) the day after xmas to celebrate with my side of the family. Riding in the car kills me right now, so at least I said no (emphatially) to this. So now? Now everybody is coming over here for Christmas. My sister is "stressed" out and getting over either bronchitis or walking pneaumonia. She does have a wicked heart condition to boot, so it is legit. But seriously? Now I feel guilted into hosting for the family. I warned them that the menu would be very simple. I am thinking chefboyardee at the moment. I know, I won't be petty or anything. But now this means I have to go get groceries tomorrow and finish the xmas shopping that my husband had promised (and failied to deliver) he would finish. Grrrr!!!!!!!

My New Year's resolution really needs to be stop being a doormat!!

Surgeon: Chengelis  Surgery on 12/19/2011  A little less carb eating compared to my weight loss phase loose sleever here!

1Mo: -21  2Mo: -16  3Mo: -12  4MO - 13  5MO: -11 6MO: -10 7MO: -10.3 8MO: -6  Goal in 8 months 4 days!!   6' 2''  EWL 103%  Starting size 28 or 4x (tight) now size 12 or large, shoe size 12 w to 10.5   150+ pounds lost  

Join the Instant Pot Pressure Cooker group for recipes and tips! Click here to join!

T Hagalicious Rebel
Brown

on 12/22/14 9:29 am - Brooklyn
VSG on 04/25/14 with

I say get takeout! Yep, lay out those paper plates (no dishes), put out a big fork & spoon & let everyone serve themselves! LOL They'll get the hint. Good Luck!

No one surgery is better than the other, what works for one may not work for another. T-Rebel

https://fivedaymeattest.com/

Dan1962
on 12/22/14 9:38 am - Syracuse, NY
VSG on 09/23/14

Hmmmm....screw everyone, be selfish and get healthy.....

  

    

    
Grim_Traveller
on 12/22/14 10:21 am
RNY on 08/21/12

Go to the movies. Double or triple feature. Go home when they're gone. They'll figure out how to feed themselves.

6'3" tall, male.

Highest weight was 475. RNY on 08/21/12. Current weight: 198.

M1 -24; M2 -21; M3 -19; M4 -21; M5 -13; M6 -21; M7 -10; M8 -16; M9 -10; M10 -8; M11 -6; M12 -5.

sjkduke
on 12/22/14 10:48 am - VA
VSG on 12/18/14

Oh my!  I wouldn't even do anything!  Especially if your husband is MIA and your kids are no help, screw them all!  You're recovering!  How can anyone possibly expect you to feel up to anything?!  I'm sorry, I just get so worked up over selfish people, especially when they're selfish family members.  I hope you get to relax soon and get some help.  I don't even know you and I wish I lived near you to help you!

Sarah

SW 250 CW 229

    

Kim N.
on 12/22/14 11:08 am
VSG on 12/08/14

We only get one shot at this life and you already know that if YOU don't take care of yourself, who will?  You've gone through hell and back this year.  It may be easy for all of us to give our advice to you but you have to dig deep and finally realize that YOU mean something!  Chinese take-out is always open on Christmas.  Get a mess of stuff and let everyone fend for themselves.  Please take care of yourself!

Kim

BorderCollieMama

            
happyteacher
on 12/23/14 12:39 am

Omg, I love this suggestion! If I didn't have an exchange student living with me (thus 1 American xmas with her) I would totally do this!

Surgeon: Chengelis  Surgery on 12/19/2011  A little less carb eating compared to my weight loss phase loose sleever here!

1Mo: -21  2Mo: -16  3Mo: -12  4MO - 13  5MO: -11 6MO: -10 7MO: -10.3 8MO: -6  Goal in 8 months 4 days!!   6' 2''  EWL 103%  Starting size 28 or 4x (tight) now size 12 or large, shoe size 12 w to 10.5   150+ pounds lost  

Join the Instant Pot Pressure Cooker group for recipes and tips! Click here to join!

NanfromSan
on 12/22/14 12:00 pm
VSG on 12/09/14

Definitely paper plates, plastic cups, pizza or whatever take out you like, maybe a cake or pie for them and call it a night.   if you're feeling that is inappropriate you can get some rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes from the grocery store or even kfc has those family meals if you want it to feel more "home cooked"... good luck!  

Start weight:  252 pounds 

High weight:  268 pounds

    

(deactivated member)
on 12/22/14 2:49 pm

You, a doormat? Never would have guessed, but you never can tell! Okay, so my fellow codependent in recovery, time to pull the big girl panties up and tell your sister what she needs to do to make this happen. Just simply explain that you're not in the physical condition to be cleaning and hosting and cooking, etc... Plain and simple - no emotion, no judgement. If she's not willing to step up then why should you? Panda Express will work very well in a pinch. Hell, so will KFC or the golden arches! LOL!

As for the kids, you know exactly what you need to do. You're a teacher, for crying out loud! Put your teacher on and tell them to shape up or ship on out!

That's my kick you in the butt pep talk.

Now...., so sorry you're still so sore and stressed and over taxed. I'm also disappointed in your husband to be emotionally MIA when you need him. Not a real peach, that! You deserve a strong support. What you're going through health wise is a lot - don't care what anyone says. It's not like you had a boob job strictly for cosmetic reasons. There's the whole cancer component to deal with, too. 

Stay strong and come here and vent and seek support.

Merry, merry!

happyteacher
on 12/23/14 12:44 am

I know, I know. The kids will clean without issue other than needing perhaps some direction on Christmas day. This morning I sat the hubby down and discussed what would be easiest for him to prepare, made a grocery list, and sent his sorry ass out to the store. He actually cooks frequently, so it is not hard for him..; he just has to move past his own "emo" state. Today though, he is doing better and for now I will take that. I will tackle the unfisinished Christmas shopping when he returns. I will make my girls tackle wrapping the presents. As far as the sister, she is in a bad spot too- that one I will let slide and instead just make sure my crew here at home steps up. 

Sorry about the rant last night- I was just feeling really overwhelmed and just a tad sorry for myself. I am doing better today :)

Surgeon: Chengelis  Surgery on 12/19/2011  A little less carb eating compared to my weight loss phase loose sleever here!

1Mo: -21  2Mo: -16  3Mo: -12  4MO - 13  5MO: -11 6MO: -10 7MO: -10.3 8MO: -6  Goal in 8 months 4 days!!   6' 2''  EWL 103%  Starting size 28 or 4x (tight) now size 12 or large, shoe size 12 w to 10.5   150+ pounds lost  

Join the Instant Pot Pressure Cooker group for recipes and tips! Click here to join!

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