Personal Rant - Kind of long

Today marks 10 days since surgery. So far no real physical issues - drinking is good, incorporating new foods has gone well - no vomiting or bad nausea. No headaches. Just incision pain and muscle pain. I am feeling better each day. Sleeping on one side is getting old and I am working my way back to sleeping on my tummy. I have had my ups and downs, though the down parts I really try to keep within because I don't want anyone to think I regret my decision (I don't). I don't have a therapist anymore, since I was dropped from the practice because of my inability to get there (then after surgery I wasn't sure when I could get a ride to the appts.) I have only had a few thoughts of buyers remorse, but that mostly is due to feeling quite alone in all of this. I know that the people on the message board are amazing, but you can only rant and rave so much until people start to think you are *****y. During a semi-freak out, I was able to text with my mom and that helped. But since the problem lies with my hubby, I don't want her thinking any more negative thoughts about him than she already does. Anyhow, I do need to let this out, or I might just get a little testy when my husband gets home from work.

I had a nice Christmas. My mom, brother and stepdad came down to my house (probably the 3rd time in 15 years). Later we went to my in-laws house. We had dinner there. Since I progressed to some other foods, I had unsweetened applesauce, lowfat yogurt, cottage cheese, a little piece of cranberry sauce and a steamed potato (of which I had maybe two bites - too pasty.) I didn't get in my protein or liquid goals yesterday but am determined to get them all in today. The timer on my phone has become my best friend!

Hubby wanted me to make a Christmas list of things I wanted. So I did. But then he went all rogue on me and although got me a few things on my list, he bought me a kids toy and DVD that I really didn't want or need. In fact, it sort of reminds me of a present I got when I was a child that focused on my weight. This toy and DVD will never be used, but I didn't want to upset him, so I didn't complain, but every time I see it, I get irritated. I would have rather had what was on my list. I am going to find a polite way to ask him to return it, because that money could be used to get me things I needed and asked for. There was a special DVD set of Singin' in the Rain that had tons of extras (which I have been asking for for YEARS) that he found and proceeded to tell me all about it, but for some reason decided not to get that for me. I would have LOVED that! No, instead I got movies that I already own and kids toys. On the plus side, he did get me a couple of things I asked for, like a Beatles album.

I know I shouldn't feel like this, but I do so much for him all year that one or two nice gifts would have been better than excess random things. I spent quite a bit of money on his gifts and got him EXACTLY what he wanted. I feel bad even thinking this way.

Also, he went against my wishes (which we both agreed on) and invited a friend over for tonight. I asked if we could do that next weekend when I was feeling more up to entertaining and he agreed. Then, surprise! Bob's coming over this weekend! I wanted to scream, but instead said calmly, I thought we agreed that the following weekend would be better. His response was that he wanted his daughter to meet him. Whatever. This just put a cap on this whole week after my surgery. Normally he is cuddly and caring to my feelings. Instead this week, he chose to drink and party EVERY night rather than spend some snuggly time with me watching Christmas movies (which I asked him and told him I would like to do. Men often need a map, but now how do you get them to follow it??) We barely even talked for the first 5 or 6 days after surgery. No anger, just no conversation. Maybe he is going through his own **** but hey, I just had major surgery. I would love some comfort. I told his daughter what I was feeling and tried to pass it off as my hormones, but she rightly said that he needed to step up and for me not to blame everything on my emotions.

Not really looking for advise, just to vent, since I don't have anywhere else to do so. I don't want to resent him for this, but already I am feeling resentful. I will never forget how I have felt this past week. No it isn't all his fault, but I needed him emotionally this week and he has not stepped up to the plate, even after I have specifically asked for what I needed. The odd gifts and lack of understanding about having company over are just toppings on the cake that I can't eat! ;) I really have been trying not to take any frustration out on him because I know that will just make things worse and are often fleeting emotions. I am a peaceful person and like harmony in my home, since my childhood was anything but peaceful. If it makes any difference, we have been together for 15 years (16 in April).

Husbands...grr!  I feel you.  I am glad you said you didn't want advice, because I wouldn't have any to give.  My husband drives me crazy all the time.  I have not been able to get him to understand me yet- tried the nice way, ugly way, very direct way, here are clear cut instructions way...sometimes they just do what they wanna do!  LOL  I think you will feel a little better as you heal and are able to get back to your norm.  Sometimes we just don't feel well and so things that annoy us get amplified a million times over.  Best of luck to you! 

Thanks! Glad to know I'm not the only one with a 'crazy' one!

LOL Put it this way, we've been married 7 years and I'm pretty damn proud of myself that I have not caused him bodily harm yet LOL  Sometimes I have to remind myself of all his good points so that I can calm down about the bad points

Believe me, Angela, you are not alone.  Men (not all men) have their heads up their asses!    Sometimes I think I'm going to bite my tongue off.  You'll be able to deal better as you recover further.   Make yourself a nice cup of tea.  

Have you told your partner how he's making you feel?  That would be my first step. I know that sometimes I expect him to read my mind and, sadly, even after 17 years this is a skill he has not yet acquired. :(

Yes, this is great advice. I have spoken to him, I try not to do it when I am irritated in the moment. Then once I'm all cooled off, it sort of passes and I am able to tell him how I feel. I do wish men could read minds.....wait, I take that back ;)

Yeah.... I don't think I'd want them to be able to read my mind! ;D

I have no advice to give, not that you asked. I have been pretty good with my husband since surgery, and he has been very attentive. My pet peeve with him is the cell phone. I have all 3 cell phones for the family on one plan, which I pay for. During the last year, my husband has been turning off his phone for no reason, or letting the voice mail box get full and not clearing it. He has not been well, and really needs to have a cell in emergency, but I was also sick during this last year before my surgery and depended on him via the cell if I needed help.

I am 20 days out from surgery. The morning after the surgery, off all times, he did not answer the phone when the hospital tried to contact him twice about an issue I was having. Swore he was driving but the hospital is 20 minutes away. Earlier this week his voice mail was full when I tried to call him. I asked him to clear it and he did. Today, he took my car and promised to return by noon as I had an appt. it was getting near 12 and with no sign of him I called. It went straight to voice mail. When he arrived home I discovered it was off. He said he turned it off to charge it and then forgot. I took the phone and threw it up against the dining room wall. It slid down the hall and broke open. Let him buy a new phone and pay for the contract himself.  I'm don't with this bulls##t. End of rant.

I hope he got the message! (Just a little humor to lighten the mood)   :)