Support from Your Spouse

I'm wondering if any of you (pre or post op) have had any issues with an unsupportive spouse.

I recently had my referral sent in to get a sleeve done and my husband has made protest.  He doesn't understand why I can't just eat less and exercise and lose weight.  He said he doesn't think I'm trying hard enough to warrant this surgery.  Since we've met, I've been pregnant or nursing our children so it hasn't been optimal timing to try and lose weight.  Since I'm not having anymore children, I've tried three times to lose weight without any major success.

I suppose the background information to know is that he is 6'4" and 170lbs and has never had any issues with his weight in his life, and admits to not understanding what it is like.  The unfortunate part is he comes off very judgemental (even if that isn't his intention) and it really caused me to get quite upset.  I hoped he would be supportive of any decision I make, and I am certainly not making this decision lightly.

Any advice folks?

I would try to figure out why he's not supportive - is he scared that you'll die?  That you'll leave him?  Does he really think that you lack willpower and won't succeed?  (A good way to figure this out is to ask him.  "Hey dude, what's going on here?")

A lot of the times, lack of support seems to stem from fear and the best way to conquer that is with information.  Can you take him to a seminar with your surgeon?  Can you take him to some of your pre-op appointments?  Is couples therapy an option?  You might also want to consider therapy for yourself to learn better ways to deal with unsupportive people - my bff has been completely unsupportive and therapy has helped me to deal with that a lot.  (And he's no longer the person I consider to be my bff as a result.)  

Do what you gotta do for you.  In 6 months to a year when you are past your goal weight and banging hot, he will think it was a great idea and then you can give him the cold shoulder when he's trying to snuggle up to you (#paybacksucks).

I had the lapband 4 years ago and now going to have a VSG next month.  My wife isn't too happy about spending the money but if it takes off permanent weight then she is for it. I've caught some negative feedback for doing this a 2nd time. But we have to do what we think will work for us.  I originally wanted the VSG but insurance would only pay for a band, so I tried it.

Although mine supported my decision, he was afraid that something could happen to me during surgery.  Men are funny creatures sometimes.

Being judgmental is probably masking fears that he has about your surgery or that you might leave him down the road.  I would suggest that you sit down with him, be completely open and ask him how he's feeling.

At first, my SO was unsupportive - he did not want me to have the surgery.  I had my mind made up to have it.  He was afraid there would be surgical complications.  He was afraid I'd leave him.  We had many talks - I explained I had tried numerous times to lose weight but could never keep it off, and I was having medical complications due to my weight, and I was going to have wls - period.  He had done a complete turn-about now and is very supportive.  So, I guess the bottom line is to communicate.  Just remember you are entitled to good health - it's your body.

I hope things work out.  If you want the surgery and he talks you out of it, how would you feel towards yourself and towards him???