I AM NOT A FAILURE........

.....................but I have TEMPORARILY failed to use my sleeve properly.  As I approach the third anniversary of my surgery this week, I KNOW what I need to do, food-wise.

I have actually been thinking about writing this post, and what I wanted to say, for some time.  Other posters who have been struggling with regain have really helped me. 

My life has been VERY stressful since about a year after surgery. There have been a number of stressors (and there are different ones today), but one of the things I've realized is, we will ALWAYS have some stress, to a greater or lesser degree.  If we don't do the work to figure out the 'emotional eating' thing, and how to keep it at bay, those old habits rear their ugly heads, and sometimes they even bring new ugly habits with them (think transfer addiction).

I've realized that 'getting it out' is one way to help keep it at bay.  Some do it here, some do it in therapy, some do it in 12-step programs, etc.  

So, I'm going to give the thumbnail version here.  About a year after surgery (I had lost 60-65 pounds, and wanted to lose 20 more), my live-in boyfriend got TWO DUIs out of state (in New York).  He used MY credit card to bail himself out of jail ($8500), then failed to return for his court date.  The state of NY extradited him, and he spent four months in jail there.  I kept money in a phone account so we could stay in touch.  I AGONIZED over taking him back, but finally decided to let him return.  He got two year's probation, and transferred it to Louisiana.  I made it CLEAR, in writing and verbally, that we weren't starting over, and that I had certain expectations about work and household duties.  He never respected the boundaries I set, and got more and more beligerent about it, even as he continued drinking heavily.  Finally, he (slightly) hurt me, but it scared me.  I got a restraining order and had him evicted from my home.

I (unwisely) continued trying to help him, to no avail.  He showed up this past January around 11 o'clock on a Sunday night, extremely drunk, and broke into my home.  I called the police, and he has been in jail ever since.

In the meantime, one of my sons discovered a bag of needles belonging to his fiancee (and the mother of his child), and again, long story short, my son and grandson moved in with me in March.  This is her third relapse since the baby was born in September of 2013. My son has been regularly attending AA himself, and I've become the primary caregiver of a beautiful boy who will be 2 in less than two weeks.  This has MANY challenges.  We are NOT keeping the mother away (she went to treatment AGAIN, has lived in some transitional housing, and is TRYING to get her life together), but................well, it's stressful.

So, I've gained about 25 pounds in the last year and a half, and would now like to lose about 45 pounds.  It looks SO big to me, but I know it's doable.  My sleeve works WELL when I EAT THE RIGHT WAY. Dense protein first, lower carbohydrate consumption, RIGHT carbohydrate consumption, and sufficien****er.  Also, TRACK, using MFP or other.................be brutally honest with myself.......

I can do this. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME.

To those of you who have shared about regain................THANK YOU.  In fact, thank you to all who share here.  It DOES help.

No, you are not a failure. You are someone who is experiencing life situations that are very difficult. You reverted to cope with those situations as you have for many, many years. This, to me at least, is understandable. Many of us don't even realize how deeply rooted our emotional eating is until AFTER VSG and a crisis arises and we find we're eating our way through it - even though we "know better".

What is wonderful to me is that you have not given up. You believe in yourself, you believe in your sleeve's ability to help you, and you are armed with the knowledge on how to lose weight.

It really is one day at a time. It took me many days to "get it right" again. It also took a lot of help and self reflection to get me to that place.

I really suggest a 3 day hard core detox to get you physically back on track. Don't worry about calories. Just count carbs, and commit to NO ADDED SUGARS. Your cravings and hunger will subside and by day 4 you'll be ready and primed to start your weight loss plan once again. At least, that is what has worked for me.

Best of luck. Keep posting and reading for support.

NO!  You are not a failure.  Been there, done that myself.  Here is what helped me get back on track.  I had RNY, but I think the basics for success are for us all.

You have already taken the hardest step by saying enough is enough and now I want to get back on track.  Here are some steps I hope will help you.  Also, be sure and join the Back On Track Together group link in my signature area.  

Planning/Preparing

Remember when we were preparing for surgery?  How many meetings, classes and such did we attend?  We were told the more prepared we were the better our chances were for success.  And they were right. Go through the house, car and work place and get rid of trigger foods.  Stock up on foods that will keep you on track. I removed every carb/sugar temptation and replaced it with lots of protein, veggies and fruits.  

Journaling

Get back to journaling.  This will help you identify when you feel like eating, stress factors and any triggers in your life.  Once you identify these factors, this will help you put tools in place to keep you from eating.  It became clear I was not taking time for me anymore. I worked my day job and then spent the rest of my time caring for my husband.  It was easy to reach for fast, prepackaged food.  Since I purged my home I have to eat clean as there are no other options LOL

Use a tool to track you're eating and exercise like Getting Started with Health Tracker

Once I started to track ever bite and drink it became clear why I had gained.

Goals/Rewards

Make a list of goals for yourself.  Make them realistic and small.  Some of mine were move more, purge all junk from my home, eat more protein.

Food

In general, a long term post-weight loss surgery eating plan includes foods that are high in protein, and low in fat​, calories, and sugar. Important vitamins and minerals are provided as supplements. (if you had a different surgery adjust this to your food plan)

Water

Water is our Best Friend. I have to say I never went back to pop or any bad drinks, however I was drinking tea like crazy. What is wrong with drinking tea?  I was either using sugar or 3 equals and 3 sweet n lows per 32 ounce glass.  So I was either pushing to be diabetic or get cancer.  I found once I started carrying a bottle of water around 24/7 (yes had one at my bedside) I lost the cravings for the sugar and I KNOW those artificial sweeteners are not good for me. Look I am old and if you add up all the artificial sweeteners I have consumed I am sure I am at the rat in the lab getting cancer threshold

MOVE!

I can't say enough about how key this was for me. The reason I kept my weight off for almost 10 years was no matter what I kept moving.  If I could not go to the gym I would walk. I loved Zumba, bootcamp workouts, lift weights. When I stopped, the weight came on.  So for me I am starting slow to avoid injury by walking and using some of the workouts on my Demand TV.  Find something you love to do and it won't feel like a pain in the *** to do daily.

Support

If it's an option "run" don't walk to a support group.

Keep me posted on how you are doing

I applaud you for coming on here, being honest and committing to getting back on track.  You've already gotten some good advice about how to detox and get your head back in the game.  You owe it to yourself - and to that familiy that depends on you a lot! - to get this done.  Go get 'em, Tiger! 

fool me once - shame on you .. fool me twice - shame on.. me..

yea.. been there - done that..with SO.. not to your extend .. but enough to know not to throw a rock..

You know what you did.. and you're the one that is paying for it... 

I am very happy to see that you know that it is your responsibility to take care of you... I get really tired to see people  blaming others for their life choices... yea - **** happens.. . users and abusers are all over the place... 

Glad to see you know what you need to do and that you take responsibility for your own health...

 and I really mean that.... HUGS.

both of my parents are recovering addicts and they both struggle with their demons my father got sober 4 years ago and hasn't looked back. he also lost 180 pounds in 2 years so yes i understand the revolving door of addiction. the best thing you can do is get a team you. therapists friends any family you can lean on and just give them your i need to vent signal and let them know how you feel they can help. if your religous in any way you could pray or meditate im not religious but i meditate daily to center my self because i have high anxiety disorders and sometimes pills arnt the answer hope this helps