Dealing with uwanted and unsolicited opinions

I am currently on month 3 of my 6 month doctor supervised diet.  I am now doubting my decision to pursue surgery.  Initially, I only shared my decision with my immediate family. (mom brothers and best friend) For the most part, they are all very encouraging.  My youngest brother is very vocal about my not having the surgery, because he know someone who passed away as a result of complication from the surgery.  However, he is very supportive of my efforts to get as healthy as possibly prior to surgery.   As of late other ppl have found out that I am considering surgery, and they have made it there personal mission to change my mind.  I am constantly receiving YouTube videos of people who lost weight the "right" way, emails with different diet plans, criticism of the food that I am eating.  Its now causing me to doubt myself.

I am wondering how people who have had the surgery or preparing for surgery deal with the unwanted opinions of others.  My first reaction is not exactly a nice. 

I can relate to a lot of what you have gone through

Ultimately, the decision is yours

As far as my family goes, I've only told my sister. I have not told my mom or dad, other sisters or brothers. Only a handful of people from my church know, and most of my friends dont, either. I'm closing in on 3 weeks post op. I also work with my father

I chose to have WLS even after my oldest brother passed away in the hospital 3 days after having open RNY back in 2002 -- this is why my parents do not know (granted, we had different moms)

I plan to tell my family, just not yet

You need to decide if YOU want the surgery for yourself or for others. It sounds silly, but if its for others, then I guess you may not want to do it if they dont support. However, I imagine youre wanting the surgery for YOU. Ultimately, your opinion and decisions are the only one that matters. You have to live with them.

You need to reflect on that and decide how to move forward, or whether to stop. Consider heavily the things you'll be giving up. No more huge meals... No more alcohol (thats whats encouraged)... No more obesity... No more comorbidities (hopefully)... Etc etc

Now is the time to do reflecting and to be brutally honest with yourself

While I knew going into surgery I wouldnt be eating entire burgers, a bunch of pizza, etc, watching tv commercials now post op sometimes bums me out because I know I can never do that again, and I am finding just how much comfort and enjoyment I got from food

This is ultimately your life and your decision. 

Thank you for your response.  I am about 98% sure that this is what I want to do. (There is always that little bit of doubt that maybe I should try another diet.) 

I have been doing a ton of research on how my life is going to change, but the pros more than make up for the things that I would be giving up. I am in my early 30s and I want to be able to enjoy my life as much as humanly possible.  

You have to do what is best for you.  Tell your brother you have made up your mind and if he can't be supportive to please not bring up the subject with you.   

Thanks for responding.  I don't really worry so much about my brothers opinion.  He is really just worried about my not surviving the surgery.  Which I think is understandable.  He has also agreed to come to my next Dr. Appt. to talk about his concerns.  In all honesty I don't think he realizes how overweight I am.  He is used to me being this size and to his eye, I am "not the same size as people who medically qualify for surgery."  He has no clue how much I truly weigh and since I currently don't have any of the traditional weight related health issues, he does see the problem. 

I am 98% sure that this is what I need and want to do.  I just don't like dealing with the "you haven't tried hard enough to lose weight" or "that's taking the easy way out" from other people 

"That's interesting. Where did you go to med school?"

"My body, my decision."

"I appreciate your concern, but this is none of your business."

"Thanks for the info. Can you provide any educational info on how to be an insensitive jerk? Seems like you've done well on that, and I'd love to make sure these materials are as effective."

(OK, not so much the last one.)

Don't be afraid to shut people down. I think sometimes it comes from a place of genuine concern combined with misunderstanding about the hows and whys of surgery. You've got to take care of yourself first, and it's absolutely OK to say "I'm sorry, but this is not up for discussion. If you can't respect my decision I'll need to block your emails/Facebook posts/whatever."

I decided to tell people, and I got a few bizzare comments from the first few people.  So I planned an elaborate story to cover the surgery and not mention that it was for weight loss.  But I did not feel comfortable using it.  So I developed a script that worked.

I'd say that I was working with medical professionals at Lahey Clinic to deal with my obesity and they recommended the weight loss surgery.  This stopped the second-guessing.  I still got some strange comments, but this worked for the most part.

Good luck navigating this privacy issue.  You certainly have every right to keep it private if that is your choice.

best wishes,

Carol

I believe the one regret most of us have is that we didn't do this sooner.  If it was me, I'd discuss this with those who are supportive and not mention the subject with those who are not. 

Think long and hard about the surgery as it is a BIG decision and there are BIG changes in the what and the amount we eat. I know when I was on my pre-op diet I lost 35 lbs in 2 months and thought well that wasn't so hard I can do this, I don't need surgery....then... reality hit......and if you are like me....you've lost weight the "right way" over and over and over again.  I found surgery is my "right way". Also those who think this is the "easy way out" are very uneducated on wls.  This is not easy!!!

Now here I am....not perfect....I've had some ups and downs but I am living a healthier, happier and more active life.  I am no****ching from the sidelines anymore. 

I hope this helps you and I'll be watching for you to become one of our newest LOSERS!! 

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I can relate to you! Everyone has an opinion! Personally I had done weigh****ers and other diets and I did well. I could never maintain. I knew I needed more and I needed the sleeve to be a tool that helped me to get healthy, lose weight and reclaim my life. Its easy for people to sit back and judge. They have never walked in your shoes, my shoes and they don't know the struggle. I wouldn't take it personal. Just take it with a rain of salt & do you!

Ugh, I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this!  I told very few people pre-op and made sure the people I told understood that I wasn't sharing the information publicly.  I didn't want to deal with people's opinions or advice.

Post-op, I have become very vocal about the procedure. When people ask me how I am losing weight, I tell them. I have not yet had any negative feedback from it.  I realized that the only reason I had the courage to start looking into surgical options is because one of my colleagues was very open about her RNY last year and it inspired me to see what would work well for me. 

I hope you find a way that works for you to tell people to take their advice and shove it. :-)  It sounds like you have done plenty of research to know what YOU want.