4 years out with photos!

Hi fellow Sleevers!  It's been a really REALLY long time since I have been on OH and been into the forums.  I came back to do a yearly blog update but I thought I would also post in the forum to say hi and share my experience for anyone who is interested.

I had VSG surgery on 01/09/13 and I was 354 pounds on surgery day.  The highest recorded weight for me was 362 pounds.  I was 30 years old and already starting to have high blood pressure, knee pain and all around issues caused by being so heavy. (BTW, I am 5'9".) It really was a turning point in my life and it is still the best decision I ever made.  In total, I have lost 162 pounds to date.  I weigh 200 pounds today and my goal was originally to weigh 190 lbs or so... but I'm actually very happy with my size right now. I don't know if I will lose any more weight but it's been a struggle to stay the course. 

Even though I am still happy with my decision to get VSG, it hasn't been easy.  I struggle with many of the same demons that I did before surgery.  The surgery supported me so much that first year after and I lost weight very quickly.  I was exercising and eating a strict low carb, low-calorie diet so I was definitely doing my part too. It felt so great that I never imagined I would ever change the new habits I created for myself.  However, once I got down to the low 200s, old habits slipped back in.  I started grazing and eating "slider" foods that wouldn't fill me up.  Cravings came back with a vengeance.  I wanted to eat "normally" and tried to just eat small portions of anything I wanted.  "Balance" and "Moderation" never worked for me before and still really didn't work after surgery.  The same issues I had before surgery were still there.  I was an ALL OR NOTHING girl.... I still am but I am trying super hard to change my pattern. I bounced up and down from 205 to 230 lbs for close to 2 years.  I would eat super strict with low carb and tons of exercise for a while, lose weight and get down close to 200 pounds then I would stop everything. Something would throw me off whether it was a vacation or holiday or a stressful life event and I would start eating whatever I could and stop all exercise. I'd gain back 20 or so pounds and then force myself to start the strict diet again. I got so sick of this up and down.  I was physically unable to maintain my weight for more than a few weeks and frustrated.

I felt like I was back to square one except at a lower weight.  I was on a diet, just like before surgery and diets don't work.  Neither does being on a diet but just calling it a "lifestyle change". LOL Call it what you will but I was still restricting and depriving myself severely.  I was white knuckling my way through each day.  I was depriving myself of so much and eventually I would run out of willpower or motivation or whatever and throw in the towel for weeks at a time.  I finally had enough of the weight roller coaster and started trying to find something else.  I researched and read a ton of info on mindful eating, intuitive eating, body acceptance and the science of the stress we put on our bodies when "dieting".  Learning that info has helped me tremendously.  I also started dealing with my emotional issues around food and binging.  I have conversations with myself as to why I am craving a certain food or emotionally eating.  I have been doing this since this past summer and it works so well for me.  I am no longer punishing myself for food choices that aren't 100% perfect and I am much more mindful of how I eat and what the food is doing for me: physically, emotionally and mentally.  My goal wasn't to lose weight when I started all this but it's been a pleasant side effect.  Even during the holidays, my weight stayed pretty stable which is a real first for me!

I still eat mainly lower carb choices and exercise regularly but neither of those are punishments anymore.  I eat things I enjoy and exercise for fun.  I'm not punishing myself and it's made a huge difference in how I view food and eating. For me, this is working.  Everyone has their own path to follow so I'm not advocating this for anyone but myself.  I just wanted to share.  Below are so photos of me at my highest weight and some new ones at my lowest.

Thanks so much for reading and hope everyone is doing well on their journey!! Have a great evening!!

Great experience!  You've learned the lesson.  Learn why you're eating what you are, and stop punishing yourself. 

It's about the journey, not the destination.

Congrats!  You look FAB!

Thanks so much for sharing. You look fab!

Hey stranger! It's been nice seeing you around.

Thank you for the post and being so candid. These are lessons I am sure I will need to remember as I move on!!

Thank you for your post.  You have articulated something that we all struggle with.  One of my biggest fears is what will happen when the one year mark comes and goes and the major losses start to dwindle or plateau.  I have tried and failed so many times and struggled with my own demons.  I know that I should only focus on the present and cross each bridge when I get there but that is easier said than done.

I am so happy to hear that you are figuring it out, finding a better a path for yourself and you have inspired me.  

My surgery is tomorrow and I am feeling better already!

I'm going through a similar experience.  I think it is important for us to find something that isn't punishment but can be healthy for the rest of our lives.  It's hard, but so worth it.  

Great job!

You look awesome. Congrats and thanks for posting. Diane /s

Thank you for sharing your story! You look so happy and healthy, and beautiful!