Need Advice: Dealing w/ significant feelings of regret

Hello :) 

I am 3 1/2 weeks post op and I am dealing with significant feelings of regret it's crippling and I need some advice and coping mechanism. 

I am trying very hard to come to terms with my decision and not feel like I've made a life altering mistake. 

Here are some of the things that I can't shake 

1) I fell into the trap of commercialized weight loss surgeries again, I should have known better I had the lapband and it failed or I failed it. 

2) I hurt myself (self mutilated) for the sake of vanity and will be impacted by long term illness all so I can fit into some pair of pants....society's absurd ideals. 

3) In a few years there will new non surgical  weight loss procedures that will mean the VSG is no longer in favour like the lapband and I am stuck with irreversible mistake. 

4) I should have researched more, consulted more and not have been so arrogant. 

I am starting therapy this week, but would love to hear from others and any tips on coping mechanisms. 

Did you rush into surgery?  Was it a whim and you just woke up one day and had surgery the next?  I don't know you, but this seems unlikely to be true.  You probably, like many of us, did a lot of research and preparation and thinking before opting for WLS.  Can you focus on those things?  The knowledge that you didn't do this on a whim?  

It's not uncommon for people to feel this way immediately post-op, especially when you're in the super awesome fun diet stages post-op and wondering if you'll ever be "normal" again.  

I'm glad you're going to start seeing a therapist.  That would be my number 1 advice.  Also keep in mind that you might not click with the first therapist you see, so you might need to do some shopping to find one that works for you.  This is to be expected, so don't give up.  Or don't feel that you need to settle for a therapist that you don't feel great about.  

I know that, for me, life is infinitely better now.  Having surgery gave me the space I needed to do the work to sort my brain out.  I was a pretty happy SMO person, but I'm infinitely healthier and happier now than I had been.  I'm doing things with my life that I had never even dreamed about pre-op.  :)

Thank you! You're questions made think of my thought process when I travelled to meet my surgeon in person. I took look at all the questions I compiled and my notes after our meeting. This decision was not a whim. I also called two other psychologists - I like the therapist I have now but worried that she may not have much experience with WLS folks. 

It is very common for people at your stage to have buyers remorse.  I know I did at that stage. The thing I had to keep reminding myself of was that although losing the weight and getting smaller was great, the health benefits that came with losing the weight were amazing.  I was borderline high blood pressure and with a family history of diabetics it was probably just a matter of time for that to happen too, not to mention the pain in my back and joints that has gone away.  Try to list the things for you that will improve with the weight loss and focus on how great it will be when those things improve.  Make an actual physical list to read and reread if you need to. As for the lap band issues goes I have heard of many, many people that had issues with the band, don't beat yourself up over that.  Try to hang in there and keep focused on the positive.  Keep telling yourself that you can do this and you will.

Thank you! That's a great idea - I am going to start on the list. 

I'm curious about "Impacted by long term illness"?  What does that mean? 

In the throes of my own depression - I worry about unknown long-term impact of the sleeve. It's a relatively new procedure and what if they discover some god awful problem with it and I am stuck!  What if this and What if that - how will I be impacted by nutritional deficiencies, what if my teeth fall out, what if I get osteoporosis, what if I get GERD and have to get a bypass surgery and suffer with complications,  what I become one of those 0.000001%  of folks that get a leak at 2, 3 or whatever year...cause it can happen anytime. So that's a sample of what I mean.  

SG is actually not a "relatively new procedure". It was done as stage one of the DS procedure for 15-20 years before it was approved as a standalone procedure... meaning it's been around for 25 or 30 years... possibly longer, but I'm being cautious with my numbers! SG has also long been a treatment for people with ulcers, stomach cancer, etc. The realization that, as a stand alone surgery for WLS, it is highly effective, only came around gradually, true - but it's now the most popular WLS in the world, and has been being performed in the USA regularly since at least 2007. I first heard of it in 2009, and it wasn't "new" then.

Lap-band, IMO, should be BANNED. So many people report complications! Many clinics/physicians refuse to perform the lap-band procedure at all any longer.

The beauty of SG is the LACK of  nutritional deficiencies - your gut isn't rerouted. Absorption is the same as before - you just need to choose to eat the right stuff.

Osteoporosis: I have a horrid family history of this problem, and in fact, I was just diagnosed with osteopenia in my hips. I'm pretty rabid about getting my calcium in, and having annual bloodwork and biannual bone density scans done to monitor my bone loss. I quit drinking carbonated drinks, and I exercise. I'm confident I can stay on top of it, though, and not deal with the effects my parent, grandparents and great grandparents suffered through.

Leaks - if you left the hospital without one, it's not something to worry about.

Here's a thought: What if you HADN'T gotten SG? Where would you be in 5 years? 10? 15?

I'm only 19 months out from my surgery, but I am healthier, happier, and stronger than I've been in years. This tool has added years of healthy, active living to my life - just as it will to yours.

Any of us could get hit by a bus on the way to work tomorrow. But with SG, I can move out of the way one heckuva lot faster! :)  Yes - I'm actually running again, after many years of babying my knees and hips. AMAZING!!

I'm glad you're going to see a therapist. You likely need more vitamin D and sunshine, too, to help fight off the winter blues. Depression CAN be treated - jump on it (as you're clearly doing) - and find your happiness.

How's your scale looking? Hit the three week stall yet? If so, not to worry, it will pass! {{{HUGS!}}}

1. Can you provide some thoughts on why you consider WLS a "trap"? It is certainly not a magic wand. It is just a tool to help you while YOU change your lifestyle and relationship with food. So the bulk of the work is still on the patient to make those lifelong changes, the surgery just helps you while you work on yourself.
2. I guess this depends on WHY you had the surgery. Was it really just to lose a couple pounds and drop a jeans size? While that may have played a factor, let's face it - obesity has significant health risks whether you were experiencing those yet or not. Sadly, it took me until I had serious obesity related health problems before I finally accepted I needed help. Hopefully getting obesity under control now, will prevent you from having those issues which ultimately result in poor quality of life and an early death - hypertension, sleep apnea, diabetes, chronic joint pain, loss of mobility etc. As for the surgery leaded to long term illness - if you follow your plan, take your vitamin supplements and get your blood work monitored regularly - there really shouldn't be any, but again it is up to you to do those things. I guess I saw any potential risk of illness from the surgery as minor compared to the absolute risk of staying obese.
3. There may be, there may not be. But even if there is - it is years away. Do you really want to put off getting your health under control for something that may never actually happen?
4. Why do you feel your decision was "arrogant"? and guess what - you can still research - but now the focus is on researching how to best make this work for you, how to deal with whatever "food issues" you had, learning new coping mechanisms so you don't try to keep turning to food especially if you are an emotional eater (this is a big one for me to keep working on) etc. Again, the surgery isn't a magic fix - there is still a lot of work - and honestly, most of it is mental - to do on you.

I think you are making an excellent start by starting therapy. Definitely discuss each of these in detail with your therapist. And try to really delve into why the lapband did give you the results you wanted. There are some key words in your post that I would recommend you go into depth with your therapist on as well - "arrogant", feeling like you "self mutilated"

Also - right now it is absolutely normal to be emotional and have some post-op buyers remorse. Most of us have had it to some degree or another. We had major surgery and there is that doubt of what if this doesn't work since nothing else I've tried in the past has worked. Also, as you burn the fat, a ton of hormones stored in the fat are released and flooding your body - i was seriously moody and the moodswings were wild!

But hopefully as you work with your therapist and come to terms, you will feel more comfortable with your decision and can put the focus on making the lifestyle change - and enjoying life!

I worry that I will be stuck with a life-long complications and that sane/educated people just diet and eat well. I can't shake the feeling that this surgery is being sold/pushed/marketed to people that don't need it and I am one of those morons that fell into this trap. 

I am person of faith - or I had a strong connection to my faith a few years. I didn't really seek guidance from God in making this decision and as a result I feel arrogant. How could I not seek guidance from my creator? Blinded by arrogance. But I have begun praying regularly again and its been such a balm to my anxiety. 

Thank you for your advice, I am starting to see small rays of light ahead :)