Feeling sad....

So, I dont know if this happens to you but I think I really did not fully look at myself in the mirror for many years, I would put on make up (sometimes) but never really look at myself... not sure if you can understand... so today I went to buy some exercise clothes... bought them and brought them home and I felt so sad, I did not like what I saw.. I have been working hard (The scale IS NOT MOVING in one week, so frustrating) but I feel ugly and fat... I am returning them...

I know I did not gain the weight in two months... so I cant expect to lose it in one month, but is frustrating, just wanted to vent, sorry for the whining...

On a positive side, went to see a GI doctor that wants to do an edoscopy to check my esophagus and see if there is anything he can do to improve the problems I have. Still have to clear with my bariatric surgeon... But I think I should do it... I am afraid that will strech my sleeve...

I am so proud of my exercise routine, I am going almost everyday, walking for an hour on a high incline...I want to include so machines now, I just feel so fat and out of shape that feel out of place on the machines...

Thank you for listening to me!

ps. My daughter left for college... is not easy to be without her... Thank God I have a younger boy at home!!!

I think it's hard to look at one's own body objectively, particularly after it has gone through some significant changes. Be careful of falling into the trap of believing whatever negativity is in your head. If you're feeling negative, do something self-affirming to counteract. And remember that ultimately, this journey is not about being a supermodel, but about being a healthier you.

Also, it sounds like you've made some great strides at the gym. Don't let being self-conscious get in the way of your goals. If you want to try a machine, do it! Just screw up your courage and climb on. What is the worst thing that can happen? You end up with some sore muscles? Varying up your workout routine is a really positive thing you can do for yourself and you will feel stronger and more self-assured as you continue to build muscle mass.

Yes you are correct... no hope on modeling here... Thank you for the advice about the gym, I will try, I need to do arms, Tomorrow I will try the stupid machine!!!

I've been feeling like this recently. In some ways I felt I looked slimmer a couple of stone ago but I think it's because I was losing weight every week and I could see the changes more easily and now I can't.

Your exercise routine sounds fantastic and I agree about giving new machines a go. Only we know how we feel inside so just look like you know what you're doing. I don't know about you but I'm rarely looking at others in the gym because I'm concentrating on me and of I do look around I assume everyone else is much more experienced than I am ;)

Your daughter moving away for college is going to be emotional too, my eldest starts secondary school soon and that's quite enough of an adjustment for me so I can oh imagine how you feel x

I remember years ago when I lived in England I weighed 10 stone. I was soooo happy!

You're doing a wonderful job with your weight loss and before you know it, 10 stone will be showing on your scale.

Welcome to this board and nice to meet you.

Thank you :) sounds like you've done incredibly well!

I am 9 years post op, with a current body fat% around 20%. That is low for a woman my age.

Yet I have days that I feel very fat. I see imaginary fat rolls where my skin is on my belly (I don't have rolls). It is a body dysmorphia. A lot of us who were MO have that.

I know I am not fat. More often than not I know that I am not fat. Athletic to normal, on a skinny side. It took me a few years to see what my friends see: a normal size woman.

You probably are too critical of the way you look. I have a good friend who was my sidekick when I was buying new clothes as I was losing weight. She objectively helped me find clothes that were nice and flattering.

The workout clothes may have look good on you... Or not. Either way - maybe you have an honest friend who can help you to buy things as you losing weight. Things that can be both flattering and comfortable.

When I was MO - I just put on clothes that fit. Now - I may change a couple of times in the morning to help me look my best. Doing my "fat days" I need clothes that make me feel skinny. Any other days- I just put them on and go out there.

Thank you HALAB I know what you mean, sometimes I feel I hate myself ... idk why I hate the fact that I am fat, that I have always been fat is like I feel my body is against me... but on a conscious level I know is me that have made the wrong choices and have binge my way to this point. I am working on it trying to love and accept myself imperfect and human... thank you for taking the time to answer my post, I have to keep chugging along!!!

cingrats on all this years of work, is not easy to stay at goal after all this time!!!

Best,

I hope you are in therapy. Really. The "I hate myself for choices I made" are something you need to let to go, to "forgive". To understand your other you.

I honestly believe that there is something physically wrong with those of us who become MO. I have and always had bad eyesight. I don't feel guilty about it. I feel annoyed, I feel that it is unfair that I am stuck with that. I also am 5.4". I can't feel guilty that I am not 5'7", right?

I think there is something wrong with us, and the medical community does not know what it is so they try to treat the symptoms and the root cause of MO.

Why some people eat just enough and stop when they are full, when you and I used to eat until feeling uncomfortable? That is not normal. Something inside of us is- was broken.

Surgery fixed some of that for me. Not all.

Like with my eyesight - I need special glasses to correct my double vision (yea - I am "blessed" with that) - I can't feel guilty about that.

Over the years I identified my triggers in food, and I try to avoid that. It is as if I am addicted to it. Some scientists think that food we crave - it's the food that we are most likely allergic to.

The allergies caused release of histamine that triggers the serotonin- dopamine release - cause "I feel good" and encourage eating more. The more you eat- the more you want. Like with addictive drugs. It makes so much sense to me.

Please stop blaming -punishing yourself for the past. Make better choices today. Use the tool and knowledge. We can't change past. We can learn from it.

I make mistakes. Still. Small ones and big ones. But..I try to learn so I don't repeat them.

I don't hate or dislike the other me. I know I was not weak. I know I was stronger and more dedicated that 99 out of 100 people out there. At one time I fasted for 28 days. I exercised more than most. I was on so many diet. I just didn't know enough, nor I had a tool to help me.

Like I can't just wish for my double vision to go away. I need special doc and special glasses. And it took me 3 years telling my other eye docs that I have double vision to be finally seen by a doc who was able to fit glasses for me that correct that. That and $400+ that insurance does not pay for, of course. Yeah me. No?

You are a very beautiful, brave woman. You are not fat. You have fat, that an excess you will burn as you are losing weight.

Plus - not all fat is bad. We need fat to survive. We need fat cells to make hormones. We need fat cells to protect our tissue form damage. We need fat cells to provide temperature insulation. Etc etc.

Hugs.

Thank you for those kind words an insight, i like that statement that says i am not fat i have fat, yes i know there is a problem with me and food that is why when i went to FA i felt that they got me!!! But as in everything else i was not able to stay there too long ð??". I will keep working, one day at a time. That is all I can do today! And today I am doing great!