As I begin the process of reflection, I take a deep breathe, look back through journals, remember where I was, what I felt, where I am, what I feel…it’s been quite the journey over the past 5 years! Five years ago today at age 27, I chose to undergo gastric bypass weight loss surgery (WLS). It was by far the greatest decision I have ever made in my life. This is solely a glimpse of a 5 year in the making transformation…….

Throughout the weight loss process, I have gone through many transformations: physical, mental, emotional & spiritual. I lost 100 pounds in 9 months. I lost 119 pounds by the one year surgiversary date. I have lost a total of 134 pounds. At my heaviest, I weighed 267. The day of surgery I weighed 253. At my smallest since surgery I have been 127 and back up to 140 and then down again. I regularly maintain 133-136 with my “happy” weight as 133. With each pound lost, a new part of me was revealed, a hidden piece of me uncovered. As noted in my journals, it was not until November 2009 that my mind's eye caught up with my physical eye. During that time, I was finally able to see me for me! Everything I had stuffed came bubbling up, everything I had tried to drown with food began to surface. I knew my only choice; only desire was to begin addressing my own garbage. I was ready to put all my bags down, lighten the load in ALL ways!

I got divorced during this 5 year time span. I have cried, hidden, ran from everyone and everything I knew only to return with and to opens arms. I have gone through counseling and met with a psychiatrist. I read every self-help book I could get my hands on. I completed two rounds of plastic surgeries. I have volunteered to mentor others going through WLS. I have struggled with transfer addictions. I have struggled with an eating disorder. I have been obsessed with food. I have struggled with my own reflection in the mirror. I have partied like a rock star & prayed like a Saint. I have found refuge in my Father, Gordon’s words & solace in my Mother, Karen’s touch.

And ooohhhh, how I have lived, laughed & danced! I created a Life List and began to check-off items & tasks! I have found peace & healing in laughter with friends & family. I have traveled coast to coast. I have grown, gained insight, strengthened healthy relationships & realized it was time to break ties with unhealthy relationships, grasped & hung onto the Universe, God for guidance & safety. I am still working; I will always work to be a better version of me. I am happy. I no longer try to “find” myself, but rather am enjoying the freedom of “creating” myself, whoever I want to be, however I want my world to look, I have the power & choice of that….EMPOWERING! Life is the journey & the journey is the reward……..

Happy Wishes~ Holli