Dating after WLS- help?

Hi all

I'm dating again since my divorce, and I met someone I really like. We've been going out for a few weeks. The thing is, he comments on how little I eat. I haven't told anyone about my vsg- outside of my ex-husband and one close friend, I'm a very private person. People know I had surgery to repair a hiatal hernia (true) and I eat smaller meals multiple times a day now (true), and that's what I told the guy I'm seeing. But, I feel like he knows something's "up". And we had this whole conversation about how he feels people should be completely open and honest to really connect with someone if they see a future with that person. -_-

So here's my question... should I tell him, the "full" story? And if so, when, and how??

If I'm being honest with myself, and with you, these are my fears:

• He'll judge me for taking the "easy way"
• He'll wonder if i'll "get fat again"
• He won't want to date a "former fat girl"
• He'll look at me differently

I just want to keep it to myself!! But I don't want to feel like I'm lying by omission either. And I hate when we go out and he asks me if I didn't like my food because I barely touched it or if I'm "doing the girl thing" and not eating normally in front of a man.

Help??

I don't have any experience in this, so I can't help you from that. However, I think that if you do decide to tell him and any of those things happen and he has an issue with who you were in the past then he's not the one for your future. That is just my opinion and others may disagree. But I don't see how that past person should affect the person you are today. Any you know that it wasn't the easy way out so try not to let that get in your head! 

If you see a future with him, like a serious one, do you see yourself telling him at some point? Either way this choice is up to you and I wish you luck with what ever decision you make. Big girl or small girl, beauty is on the inside anyways and if someone really cares about you that's all they will see anyways! 

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response!! You're 100% correct.

I was married when I had my WLS and lost most of my weight before I was divorced.

You are still in your weight loss journey - and yes it can be hard to decide whether to share or not.  I was open about it to guys I dated over the years.  Most of them were appreciative that I took action to take care of my health.  I really didn't encounter anyone who gave me grief over it.  Quite frankly if they had - they were out the door!

If he's one of those "be honest" guys then probably sooner rather than later would be my advice.  Otherwise he may think you were "keeping it from him" later and there goes his trust issues....

How to tell him - well... probably (to me) would be when he makes the comment again about you not eating much.  You can say "well - now that you bring that up (again) I have something to share with you... then just tell him the bare minimum and see if he asks questions and how he receives it.  Maybe like "I had weight loss surgery because of some medical issues"... - just throwing it out there.

I was amazed at how many people knew someone (or had someone in their family) who had the surgery and knew something about it.

Good luck!  And I agree - if he is going to judge you on this, he will always be judging you on something else too...  

Thank you Jody- and that's exactly what I was thinking, if I wait too long it will become something I "hid", which I don't want. Better to find out early if he's going to judge me also I guess!! :)

If it were me I'd tell him and share your journey start and projected goal you will be surprised how supportive he will be.

Thank you ladies! I actually did work up the courage to tell him this weekend. He was really touched that I opened up to him and was very supportive.

I needed the extra courage, thank you for your sage advice