Just found this board...

Hello, I just found this new board and have read all of the posts so far. Rather than add my two cents worth here and there thought I would make a consolidated post that addressed many of the things I read about, but first a bit of an introduction. The wife and I had our 20th anniversary May 2006. We have no kids. We both had lap RNY surgery, from the same surgeon, in the same hospital, even on the same day of the week (a Friday). Hers was 11/19/04 and she has lost and kept off 115 lbs. She would love to and is working on the slow and eventual loss of another 20 lbs. Will not mention actual weights (how do you think I stayed married 20 years?). Mine was on 3/3/06. About the only difference is that I had to do a pre cert diet for six months and she did not. I started the pre cert diet at 393, went to surgery at 338 (-55), and this morning weighed 213 (-180). Susan does not fool much with this site, she works on a computer all day at work and does not care to spend much time on one at home. I office out of the home, so the interaction here with others is a bit more valuable to me because of not having other around during the day at work. There is a picture of us on my profile from the last local monthly WLS dinner a couple of weeks ago for the visually rather than verbally oriented. Now on to the things I read posts about:. DIVORCE & CHEATING SPOUSES - Though every board I have ever visited has had thoughtfuul caring people willing to reply helpfully on any topic, unless I am misunderstanding something this board is primarily focused on couples where both have had WLS. In the circle of people we know from local support groups, these marriages often are the strongest because of truly understanding what the other one went through and the WLS journey being a shared experience. In addition to posting here, you may also want to post on the "Spouses of WLS Patients" board, which is primarily more focused on those whose spouse had WLS when you have not. The only other thing I could offer is the very last section on my profile written from the perspective of after Susan already had her surgery, but I had not yet. The woman whose therapist said WLS makes good relationshiips better and tears bad ones apart is correct. HOW CLOSE TO THE SAME TIME TO HAVE SURGERY - This is a tough one. I originally sought surgery in the summer of 2005 and felt the 6 to 8 months apart we were at that point was enough of a spacing. Then when I discovered having to have the six month pre cert diet, that spacing got extended. In the end I was glad it was, for selfish reasons. I got to see more of what happened when that initial "honeymoon phase" ended and weight loss goes back to the rate similar to those who have not had WLS. Frankly I think that kept me more motivated to make better us of that phase. As I said earlier, I weighed 213 tthis morning at 10.5 months after surgery. Our surgeon's goal weight for me is to stay between 200 & 205. There is a couple here in the Dallas area (Tom & Que Rust) who actually had surgery the same day (8/10/06). She did fine, he had complications from a MRSA staff infection. He is still not home, though he is out of the hospital and rehabbing at a rehab facility to restore strength and movement from so many months bedridden. Though she has done great when you consider what she had been through with his situation, and thankfully there is light at the end of his tunnel (he is off the ventilator and starting to walk again with a walker in his physical therapy), it is something to consider if your surgery dates are too close together. WHO SHOULD GO FIRST - My opinion is that whoever is most likely to have the hardest time, and generally that will be the wife, because as another poster mentioned, guys lose easier, should go first for a couple of reasons. After my surgery, Susan got a bit of a boost from getting a first hand refresher on good choices because of that I had to do. It was easier for her to do likewise. Also, if she had seen me loose quicker then not seen that same rate for herself going second, it might have discouraged her which could have made this harder for her. Best wishes to all. Paul in Dallas