Is couples therapy an option?
VSG with Dr. Salameh - 3/13/2014
Diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and started Vyvanse - 7/22/2016
Reconstructive Surgeries with Dr. Michaels - 6/5/2017 (LBL & brachioplasty), 8/14/2017 (UBL & mastopexy), 11/6/2017 (medial leg lift)
Age 40 Height 5'4" HW 319 (1/3/2014) SW 293 (3/13/2014) CW 149 (7/16/2017)
Next Goal 145 - normal BMI | Total Weight Lost 170
I'm not a husband I'm a wife lol. But my husband had vsg in 2012. I was very worried before his surgery that he would leave me once he got skinny. 150lbs down for him and luckily he's still the same man, and my vsg date is March 3rd 2015. We were lucky and his surgery just made us closer.
All this to saythat I've been on both sides of weight-loss surgery and I definitely think that there should be support groups for spouses. it's not easy to watch your spouse morph into a whole different person physically. What kind of issues are y'all having?
I am currently waiting for a surgery date and my husband is having some major concerns. He was originally worried about complications but now he's afraid of it ruining our marriage. Him and his first wife split up after he lost a lot of weight (no surgery) and she did not. He has since gained a lot of weight back and is afraid the same thing will happen to us.
I don't see it happening but I don't know how to relieve his concerns. He is not involved in the online community at all so Facebook groups and such won't work for him.
Hate to be a Debbie downer! But seek therapy NOW! I had wls in 2009, at first everything was ok he was so proud. Then there was jealousy, accusations of infidelity, verbal abuse, alcohol abuse, then physical! Sooo a 23 year marriage is done! It's a sad tale which I read happens a lot! Hoping nothing but the best for you 😊
hope all is better for you.
when I was overweight for many years, that was, had trouble losing all my spouse could do was nag me and withhold whatever he wanted, making me feel not so good. Then came this Vertical Sleeve, and I think it blew his mind because it actually worked. Then he started gaining weight and unfit. Now I could careless what he says, my issue now is I do not feel attracted to him. And he stated that he would not want me too small-that was really odd.
Point being that is good you see this, and sometimes even though they say they want to support you deep down there are other feelings. I agree with the counseling if he is open to it.
You have worked hard and deserve all the support you get. I am right there with you!
After I lost the weight, my husband seemed to be backing away from me. Later he admitted he was, because he said I did not feel the same,(or look the same.) He said he felt as if he were cheating with a thin woman, on his wife (me!) Remember, he needs to get adjusted to a rapid change in your body, too.
your post really rang true with me "felt. like I was cheating on you with a thin woman...." I lost 96 pounds a year out from my lapband surgery. I did not get stick model thin, but you could totally see the pronounced outline of the larger bones of my skeleton and my ribcage. We (he and I) have had to do some serious head work. He got jelous but did not say it, his bodylanguage and sudden want to take me out to eat all the time spoke volumes. It also brought out some poor psychology for him. He grew up poor and sometimes there was not enough to eat growing up so his mother would not eat. She went without so her kids could have food on their plates, then growing up as a young adult on his own with his first spouse, they where so poor they could not afford to go out to eat at all, they would meet after work at a local diner and just order ho****er which was free back then and they would bring tea from home.
He loves to go out to eat, he would tell me prior to WLS honey order the steak I can afford it. It was a "male provider thing" I guess for him knowing that he could afford a heafty meal.
After WLS you can't eat that way, you graze in comparison to how you use to eat before. I kept on telling him honey, I'm full don't worry I have had more then enough. The weight came off, the more I worked out the more my body changed. The clothes became loose, then baggy, then the day I whipped thru every pice of clothing in our double closet and nothing fit, even with a belt.
I swore almost in defiance I did not believe that it had happened. NOTHING FIT, not my bras, or slacks, and even my shoes where getting loose. It had been a year since surgery it was winter I was cold. He took me shopping it was not much, two pairs of jeans (my skinny ***** pants) a fancy top, a new bra, and dress, a pair of bike leggings, and a workout bra and a new winter coat.
I cut my hair, short. I loved it it showed the features of my face and my ears. My husband loved my long hair, but due to the effects of WLS or alopica I will never know it has fallen out bad. And the short hair made me feel pretty and I could not notice as much the hair loss. I felt different in my skin, I became aware of my bones, my bones that hurt in a way that never hurt before when we where intimate. I questioned to myself is it me? or is he being to rough with me now that i'm thinner is he punishing me?
He never admitted his fears, or his anger to me, I overheard him talking to my Dad. "She walks differently now, long strides, I know she's walking our dog and he's a beast when it comes to his walks and they are good for eachother. But The men around the complex they notice her, I take her to the mall, and the guys her age they stare.... what if she don't want me anymore." I did not stop to hear what my dad said to him. My heart was broken. I did not have WLS to look "fly" for another man. I did it for health reasons and so what if I look "fly" for my spouse? I walked all over heck with our dog because he needed the walks and so did I. I was being polite when I said good afternoon to our fellow renter in misery(the complex we lived at sucked). He would joke here we are every day at the **** box and ever any bags why do we pay our doggie rent? We would talk, he wanted to know if I was ok I guess to him I looked ill he did not know I had WLS. So I told him nope not ill had WLS. He said my husband was a lucky man.
We moved twice, my dad got sick and died, my band is empty and I'm just as big as ever now, my husband never looks at me, and I'm full of resentment on a grand scale. I lost 96 lbs. and gained back all of it. and I wonder is he satisfied?
If your open to sharing more details about what your seeing, examples that bother you, and so on I'm sure people here have been through it and will give you what info/advice they have.
I had VSG, my hubs did not. I can tell you a few things about us losing weight together and his feeling about having a much harder time keeping it off. But I'm not sure what sort of issues your having.
Age:40|Height: 5'9"|Lap Band 2/11/08 |Revision VSG 3/14/16
The cake is a lie, but Starbucks is not.