Husband bringing me to tears

Jenn77p
on 7/18/15 9:45 am
RNY on 08/07/15 with

 ugh!  I've been so exited and positive. Up until now my husband has been very supportive. Last night he told me I am going to loose weight and become a different person who will not want to settle just for him.  I have always had low self confidence. I've always been the fat girl. He has always told me I'm pretty. He has always encouraged me to have better self confidence. When I told him I love him more than life itself. He said "yeah we will see, we will end up divorced". For a few minutes I thought " maybe I won't get the surgery which is aug 7."  Then I came to my  sences, I'm doing this because I am very unhealthy and unhappy. If he loves me why wouldn't he want me happy and healthy?  I hope this surgery does not cost me my marriage?  I have a feeling he may push my soon to be skinny ass right out the door?!?!  

Jenn 77 p

Jdc5677
on 7/19/15 4:53 pm - Mason, MI

I have the same but opposite issue.  My wife is behaving the same way.  To the point that she is mean and pushing me away.  Using this time that I am on a strict diet to eat more and worse foods than before. I am concerned about her physically, and her self fulfilling prophecy.  I have assured her daily, I have sacrificed a lot for her and our family.  I kinda regret surgery, because of the possible of her pushing me out the door.  and the food she is eating, is everything I was addicted to for all of my life. I am unsure of the future, but I know either way, the weight is coming off!!

RNY July 13th, 2015

Jerry

    
Jenn77p
on 7/19/15 6:18 pm
RNY on 08/07/15 with

I'm sorry your wife is not supporting you. Maybe she is upset and that is making her eat. I know as a woman I just want to know that everything is ok, and that I am loved. Give her a big hug and tell her how much you love her. 

Jenn 77 p

Jdc5677
on 7/20/15 4:43 am - Mason, MI

I completely understand what you are saying.  And as the last 6 months have gone, I have gotten closer and more romantic.  With all the health problems I had, being romantic was not on my mind. But now I am closer, and she is pushing away and angry almost every day.

E_Saenz
on 8/2/15 9:00 pm - Grand Rapids , MI
VSG on 08/12/15

I'm in the same boat I'm having surgery on the 12Th and my other half has been supportive but he has his moments where he is getting distant and then he has kinda fits like I'm being selfish to want to go under the knife to lose weight like I'll die and leave everyone with the burden to bury me and I then knew it was not about me it was about how he feels.  I'm terribly sorry he has a problem with me having surgery but it is what is right for me.  I have always done for everyone else now it's time for Elia to do for Elia it doesn't change how much I love him and I'm hoping he can learn to love less of me.  No regrets I'm doing it.  I think he will come around and see later on it was the right thing.

Elia Maria Saenz
    

Busymomma4
on 8/9/15 7:31 pm

Hi, just wanted to reply that my husband does not support my decision. I Feel it's the right decision, but I need his support! He feels that there are other ways, but I've tried everything. I know he is scared for me. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help him see that I need this? It's so nice being able to ask you guys questions. Thank you 

E_Saenz
on 8/9/15 8:16 pm - Grand Rapids , MI
VSG on 08/12/15

The key is it's your decision for your health I love my man and I do everything for him when I made the decision he was ok with it then he changed his mind after I had the surgery already scheduled.  I to say the least didn't change my mind so I'm gonna have my Surgery weather he likes it or not.  It's for me to be better physically and I already know he wont regret it.

Elia Maria Saenz
    

Busymomma4
on 8/10/15 4:44 am

Thanks for your reply, and you are right it's totally up to me and I have made my decision. I'm sure he will support me after I have the surgery, it would be nice to talk about it with him since I'm so excited for this new chance at really living again. Good luck on your journey :)

ebonymc
on 8/8/15 2:51 pm, edited 8/8/15 2:55 pm

Jenn77 I can relate. It took me 3 years to convince my husband that I needed surgery. He knows that I'm diabetic, have HBP and arthritis. But he think that I just want to have it to look good and get more attention from men. I was banded for 5 years and had the band removed 1 year ago. I'm in my late fifties and don't want to go another 3 years to convince him that I still need surgery due to my comorbidities. heart disease runs in my family on both sides. It has started to hit my siblings and I'm worried about my health.

RosieSweetie21
on 8/17/15 3:00 pm

It is very tough for people to accept change, because they know they will have to change in some way too. I gained weight because I would eat instead of argue. I would bury my feelings & thoughts, so when I went through the process, I became outspoken and didn't take as much crap. I had to explain to my spouse that I would rather have a civilized argument (respectful, like you would have with your best friend), instead of "stuffing it down". We had to be patient and work through it. After I had ps, (I had the whole deal, face & body), I get hit on a lot-after all I was the fat girl with the great personality. He had to get used to the idea that although others were attracted to me again( &, sush... maybe me to them!) but we were and are, family & I was not going anywhere. I had to reassure him many, many times. (Still have to, occasionally). finished ps over 4 years ago, have gained about 25lbs since my lowest which people kept telling me was "too thin, cancer looking". I would like to lose about 5-10 lbs, which is why I am back to reading the forums, for inspiration. The surgery does NOT have to cost you your marriage, but you will need to communicate & work on it.Good Luck & God bless 

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