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Bre1980
on 4/28/17 3:45 am
Topic: RE: Dealing with "date night"....

Every now and then when my husband and I are stuck for date night ideas that don't involve food we fall back on two old standbys that usually turn out to be pretty fun:

1) we play tourist in our town - we'll buy bus tour tickets or a ghost walk, something that tourists do when they come to learn more about the area but we never do because we live here. Sometimes we learn something new, sometimes we get cool stories to share with our guests while showing them around.

2) we pick a spot on the map that's max under a couple of hours drive away and then pick the most scenic route to get there. We try to take roads we've never driven on and pack snacks so we only need to stop for bathroom breaks. Good old fashioned Sunday drives except that in the summer with the late light, it can be any day really.

I'm sure your wife is happy that you are looking for ways to keep spending time with her. She may have been a little afraid that your new lifestyle might have meant leaving everything from the old one (including her?) behind, but the effort that you are putting into finding other things to do with her will hopefully show her that she is still valued.

Jester
on 4/11/17 8:57 am
RNY on 03/21/16 with
Topic: RE: Dealing with "date night"....

Thanks for the feedback/advice. I am a little over a year post-op and about 14+ months into my new way of eating. Most importantly, I am now 4 months into maintenance, and I am starting to settle into a routine that seems to be working. I will continue to be hyper vigilant as regain is terrifying to me; however, I've been able to maintain within a few pounds +/- of my target maintenance weight of 150 (I was 151 this AM, after just returning from an 8 day vacation, so that's a big moral victory)!

I don't generally have a major problem finding reasonable options when going out to restaurants - just about every place out there has WLS friendly food of some sort or another, I just find I don't enjoy it very much. The number of options is most often VERY limited, and the WLS friendly food I prepare at home is a heck of a lot more appealing than the "baked chicken breast with a side of broccoli" or the 10,000th bowl of chili!! Part of the fun of going out (at least for me) was trying a lot of new and different items, which is much more difficult with all the dietary restrictions.

Strangely, it has made cooking at home a lot more fun! I look at it as a challenge to try new and different foods that are on plan, and I find the results overall to be AMAZING! Every once in a while there is a dud, but most foods turn out really well.

Over the last couple of months my wife has even started to embrace my new way of eating. She likes the fact that I'm always collecting recipes, and it gives her the opportunity to break out of the same-old-same-old approach to dinners. Lately, she's been asking me if I have any new recipes each week and we've been trying new ones out together.

Sharon0055
on 4/11/17 8:39 am - PA
RNY on 12/22/14 with
Topic: RE: What should i tell my partner?

After the first 4-6 weeks, post-WLS eating is very easy and I found l liked the same things alot. Esp if you see each other on the weekends, you will be able to find a few things that you really like and she can make those. For me, seafood - shrimp, scallops, homemade crab cakes were go-to sure to make me smile favorites that kept monotony at bay.

A kitchen scale might also help with portion control at first. You can also control your own portion size - put a plate (paper or small) on the scale and weigh until you have 2-4 ounces. Save the rest for leftovers.

Two things I learned:

1-There is a small difference between being not full and being full. There are still times when I am chewing a bite (I now chew for a much longer time that I used to) and I go from not full to full. I spit the food out - because I will be over-full if I swallow it. OK, not the classiest thing, but it is important to respect when you are full.

2-Try to control what comes into your house - if it's not there, you can't eat it at 1am. Pack up any risky foods as a care-package for your partner's trip home or find someone with a bunch of hungry teenagers - they will eat it up.

Good luck - your seems like not such a bad problem to have.

Sharon  SW:267    GW:165    CW:145 

Sharon0055
on 4/11/17 8:28 am, edited 4/11/17 1:41 am - PA
RNY on 12/22/14 with
Topic: RE: My boyfriend broke up because of my wls.

I am so with CrashOveride:

This puts you in a unique situation as well, you have to move forward and do so with a renewed faith and direction in both yourself and your resolve. Believe in the path you've chosen and let those *****main support you.

How are you doing now?

Sharon  SW:267    GW:165    CW:145 

Sharon0055
on 4/11/17 8:26 am - PA
RNY on 12/22/14 with
Topic: RE: Dealing with "date night"....

I have hopeful news for you, I think. First, you are still in your first year, and the hyper-viligence you have now will, with time, develop into an educated-I can do this mindset. I do not recommend eating out often until you have your maintainance game plan in place and know that it is working for you. I ate out very little during the first year-it was just too complicated. With every new menu, I had to play 20 questions with the wait staff and they would have to go ask the kitchen - and it did take all the fun out of it.

I am now in maint for 1.5 years. I can eat out - Applebees has become a go to place. There are several grilled options for beef, chx, fish or seafood. Steamed veggies for salad for sides. They post calories counts and they are handy with the left-over box. It feels like I have rejoined civilization. You can also search many menus on line and develop one or two rest that everyone can go to.

Second, you are going through lots of changes in the first year post-op, I would suggest seeing a therapist. Not necessarily a marriage therapist, but someone who has worked with WLS patents (our peeps) and understands the many effects of this rapid bodily change may have on our lives and relationships.

Hang in there.

Sharon  SW:267    GW:165    CW:145 

BlueCanary
on 4/4/17 1:33 pm
Topic: RE: My boyfriend broke up because of my wls.

"It is finally over"

That sentence speaks volumes. Best wishes on a new adventure & here's to the opportunity to find someone *****ally, really loves you or to discover yourself & know you are are amazing! Maybe both!

BlueCanary

Ht 5'4"

Current weight 315

BMI 54.1

Hoping for surgery in 2018

HonestOmnivore
on 3/17/17 11:51 am
RNY on 03/29/17 with
Topic: RE: 28 years my senior

Hi! My husband is also 28 years older than me. We have been married for thirty years. I moved out of our home last year, and now we get along much better but I'm not sure we will be able to save the marriage.

My decision to have weight loss surgery is health related, and my health was what pushed us apart. Well, my health was the final shove...

We started to get marriage therapy in 1996, and stuck to it off and on for almost 20 years! I believe that if two people really love each other, they can make a marriage work, but now I realize that isn't enough. My husband loves me, but not in a way that motivates him to compromise. I love my husband and I will compromise for him, but after trying to make "his way" work for years, I realize that I'm just wired differently.

After getting some space, I've realized how much I want to be healthy and strong and that part of that is getting this weight off for good. I wish I'd done this twenty years ago!

HonestOmnivore
on 3/17/17 11:26 am
RNY on 03/29/17 with
Topic: RE: Dealing with "date night"....

Picnics can be a good compromise to allow the stay at home spouse to escape the house, but not tangle with restaurant eating. I'm not sure of the weather were you are, but if it's super hot, breakfast picnics can be a fun way to start a day :)

Jester
on 3/11/17 2:24 pm
RNY on 03/21/16 with
Topic: RE: Dealing with "date night"....

I'm definitely going to keep couples massage on the agenda. She loves massages. I could take them or leave them, but haven't had one in probably 20 years so I'm willing to give it another shot! Thanks for the ideas.

Jester
on 3/11/17 2:23 pm
RNY on 03/21/16 with
Topic: RE: Dealing with "date night"....

Well today I had my first pedicure!! We had a fun day hanging out together all day. We went to the gym and just walked the track for about a mile. Me rehabbing my replaced hip, her trying to build some stamina for our upcoming trip to DC. Then we did a little shopping, grabbed some coffee and got pedicures together.

So much more interesting and fun to me than going out to dinner at this point. I think she really enjoyed it too.

To the the last poster, we actually go to the theater on a somewhat regular basis. Something we've always enjoyed and this year I suggested rather than going once or twice that we select a number of shows to attend in order to have more varied activities! Given the productions are downtown (about an hour away), it still often involved a meal out; however at least it's not the focal point of the evening.

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