You just told my story....26 years of marriage...over. No abuse but infidelity (his part).
If your open to sharing more details about what your seeing, examples that bother you, and so on I'm sure people here have been through it and will give you what info/advice they have.
I had VSG, my hubs did not. I can tell you a few things about us losing weight together and his feeling about having a much harder time keeping it off. But I'm not sure what sort of issues your having.
Age:40|Height: 5'9"|Lap Band 2/11/08 |Revision VSG 3/14/16
The cake is a lie, but Starbucks is not.
on 1/16/17 10:47 pm
your post really rang true with me "felt. like I was cheating on you with a thin woman...." I lost 96 pounds a year out from my lapband surgery. I did not get stick model thin, but you could totally see the pronounced outline of the larger bones of my skeleton and my ribcage. We (he and I) have had to do some serious head work. He got jelous but did not say it, his bodylanguage and sudden want to take me out to eat all the time spoke volumes. It also brought out some poor psychology for him. He grew up poor and sometimes there was not enough to eat growing up so his mother would not eat. She went without so her kids could have food on their plates, then growing up as a young adult on his own with his first spouse, they where so poor they could not afford to go out to eat at all, they would meet after work at a local diner and just order ho****er which was free back then and they would bring tea from home.
He loves to go out to eat, he would tell me prior to WLS honey order the steak I can afford it. It was a "male provider thing" I guess for him knowing that he could afford a heafty meal.
After WLS you can't eat that way, you graze in comparison to how you use to eat before. I kept on telling him honey, I'm full don't worry I have had more then enough. The weight came off, the more I worked out the more my body changed. The clothes became loose, then baggy, then the day I whipped thru every pice of clothing in our double closet and nothing fit, even with a belt.
I swore almost in defiance I did not believe that it had happened. NOTHING FIT, not my bras, or slacks, and even my shoes where getting loose. It had been a year since surgery it was winter I was cold. He took me shopping it was not much, two pairs of jeans (my skinny ***** pants) a fancy top, a new bra, and dress, a pair of bike leggings, and a workout bra and a new winter coat.
I cut my hair, short. I loved it it showed the features of my face and my ears. My husband loved my long hair, but due to the effects of WLS or alopica I will never know it has fallen out bad. And the short hair made me feel pretty and I could not notice as much the hair loss. I felt different in my skin, I became aware of my bones, my bones that hurt in a way that never hurt before when we where intimate. I questioned to myself is it me? or is he being to rough with me now that i'm thinner is he punishing me?
He never admitted his fears, or his anger to me, I overheard him talking to my Dad. "She walks differently now, long strides, I know she's walking our dog and he's a beast when it comes to his walks and they are good for eachother. But The men around the complex they notice her, I take her to the mall, and the guys her age they stare.... what if she don't want me anymore." I did not stop to hear what my dad said to him. My heart was broken. I did not have WLS to look "fly" for another man. I did it for health reasons and so what if I look "fly" for my spouse? I walked all over heck with our dog because he needed the walks and so did I. I was being polite when I said good afternoon to our fellow renter in misery(the complex we lived at sucked). He would joke here we are every day at the **** box and ever any bags why do we pay our doggie rent? We would talk, he wanted to know if I was ok I guess to him I looked ill he did not know I had WLS. So I told him nope not ill had WLS. He said my husband was a lucky man.
We moved twice, my dad got sick and died, my band is empty and I'm just as big as ever now, my husband never looks at me, and I'm full of resentment on a grand scale. I lost 96 lbs. and gained back all of it. and I wonder is he satisfied?
I had my WLS in 2010 and filed for divorce later that year after 25 years of being with the same man. We had it all...beautiful home, great jobs, cars, 2 kids and what appeared to be the American dream.
While in my post-op phase I went to see my doctor and told him how I was feeling like a million bucks in my new-found life. We got into the subject of my marriage and I told him I had been unhappy before the WLS and thought that the depression from being overweight was the cause of my marriage issues. He told me that he felt sometimes people just accept their lives as they are and settle. I had never looked at it that way, but as I started to re-think my reasons for being in my marriage, I honestly came to the conclusion that I was settling. In my head, who would want me fat? Who would want me with 2 kids? How would I survive without him being single after being married half my life? The list goes on. Of course, he went nuts when I asked for a divorce, scared me with his erratic behavior and threats (which made me lose even more weight!) but in the end, everything worked out. Been divorced 6 years now and we're friends, parent our kids and bugs me just as much as when we were married. Your new found confidence and mindset will lead the way and you'll be fine whatever option you choose.
I'm sorry your having to go through this at such an emotional time to begin with.
But think of it as the first 200 puound (approx lol) weight loss. If he wasn't going to support your decision now he probably would have sabotaged you later.
This is your opportunity to focus on YOU!
Surgery 9/29/16 RNY.
HW 211 SW 188 CW 139 GW 135
on 12/25/16 7:54 pm
I'm quite sorry to hear about what's happened to you. I know as someone who's spouse has gone through WLS it's hard to standby and be supportive, not because of being overweight, health reasons etc. but for the toll it puts on that persons body and mind. That being said I wouldn't consider not standing by her side through it, it requires a support system.
This puts you in a unique situation as well, you have to move forward and do so with a renewed faith and direction in both yourself and your resolve. Believe in the path you've chosen and let those *****main support you.
I informed my boyfriend last week that im getting wls surgery in January. This sunday he broke up with me. After 2 miscarriages and 3 years of relationship. It is finally over. I thought we could work thru it. I mean I was there thru all his bs. I feel so lonely.
I think that WLS makes good relationships better, and while it doesn't make bad relationships worse, it exposes all the emotions that were once hidden behind a relationship with food.
If you are worried, start some counseling (individual or couple therapy). Obviously your basing your fear on something-and you should address that fear.
Over a decade post WLS, and cured of obesity. Think twice, cut once, consider the DS.
Print out the 'Batratric Eating Food Pyramid' that is the featured article from Monday Oct. 3. The timing is perfect for her use, it gives us all a visual on how to eat. If she is a terrfic cook, she will love the challenge of coming up with delicious dishes for her honey.