Hi! My husband is also 28 years older than me. We have been married for thirty years. I moved out of our home last year, and now we get along much better but I'm not sure we will be able to save the marriage.
My decision to have weight loss surgery is health related, and my health was what pushed us apart. Well, my health was the final shove...
We started to get marriage therapy in 1996, and stuck to it off and on for almost 20 years! I believe that if two people really love each other, they can make a marriage work, but now I realize that isn't enough. My husband loves me, but not in a way that motivates him to compromise. I love my husband and I will compromise for him, but after trying to make "his way" work for years, I realize that I'm just wired differently.
After getting some space, I've realized how much I want to be healthy and strong and that part of that is getting this weight off for good. I wish I'd done this twenty years ago!
Picnics can be a good compromise to allow the stay at home spouse to escape the house, but not tangle with restaurant eating. I'm not sure of the weather were you are, but if it's super hot, breakfast picnics can be a fun way to start a day :)
I'm definitely going to keep couples massage on the agenda. She loves massages. I could take them or leave them, but haven't had one in probably 20 years so I'm willing to give it another shot! Thanks for the ideas.
Well today I had my first pedicure!! We had a fun day hanging out together all day. We went to the gym and just walked the track for about a mile. Me rehabbing my replaced hip, her trying to build some stamina for our upcoming trip to DC. Then we did a little shopping, grabbed some coffee and got pedicures together.
So much more interesting and fun to me than going out to dinner at this point. I think she really enjoyed it too.
To the the last poster, we actually go to the theater on a somewhat regular basis. Something we've always enjoyed and this year I suggested rather than going once or twice that we select a number of shows to attend in order to have more varied activities! Given the productions are downtown (about an hour away), it still often involved a meal out; however at least it's not the focal point of the evening.
He was not worthy of YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know what - that is a great idea about preparing in advance! In fact, it's another way I can help out. Once a month, I prepare all of my lunches - I make up 3-4 different dishes, divide them into individual containers, and freeze them. It would be little trouble for me to make a few extra dishes up in advance (or even double portion what I'm already making). That might ease the burden a little.
Also a great idea about the pedicures! I will be honest, most of her hobbies revolve around food. She goes out to lunch with her girlfriends almost daily, and usually goes out to dinner with them 1-2 nights a week. That being said, she is addicted to her mani/pedis. Not something I ever really considered, but perhaps it's worth a shot as a date night activity. Perhaps mani/pedis and some clothes/shoe shopping would be a great replacement (the key here will be get agreement that this is a REPLACEMENT, and not IN ADDITION TO) for dinner out.
Awesome tips, thanks - exactly what I was looking for. If you have any other ideas of what you've forced your husband to do, please share :-) !! I'm pretty open minded and willing to try just about anything.
Ah ok now I understand her wanting to go out for meals. Maybe plan make ahead meals on the weekend so it alleviates her having to cook every night during the week and you two could make them together? There are so many different meals that can be made and then froze for future use. Then it would be just popping it in the oven to cook during the week. Does she make crockpot meals? Trying to think of things that can be done ahead of time so you both can just relax at night during the week.
As for a date night are there any hobbies or things she has said she wanted to try in the past? Something that you would be willing to join her in? Heck I have talked my husband into getting a pedicure with me and he like it.
We probably have dinner at home 4-5 nights a week. Much more than we used to. I don't want to mis-characterize my wife, she is quite supportive of my new lifestyle overall, she just still really longs for the dinner's out.
I think part of it is that she does not work outside the home, so she is responsible for dinners and for her, going out alleviates her from having to do part of her job. I don't get home until about 7pm, so the idea of me prepping and cooking dinner at that point for our family is not realistic. I did make dinner for us this weekend as she was particularly busy as I knew it was going to lead to a request to go out - which would result in me opting to stay home, and her being somewhat frustrated with me. That worked out well, and she was very thankful for me helping out. I think by doing more cooking on the weekends (which I am definitely willing to do), it would help some, but doesn't necessarily solve the weeknight dilemma.
So, I think part of it is that she prefers to go out so she doesn't have to cook, there is no denying that she is a pro at coming up with excuses as to why she didn't have time to prepare dinner ;-). Part of it is that when she wants time with me, that used to be our go-to activity, and this is where I'm struggling to find alternatives that she's open to.
I take it that not many meals are made at home? Maybe date night could be the both of you finding yummy meals you can make together at home. What does she like to get at restaurants?
I love to cook and when my husband asked me where I wanted to go for Valentine's Day I said our kitchen. He isn't sure what I am making tonight, but he knows it will be better and healthier than any restaurant can make.